[caption id="attachment_1502" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Effective Family Planning"][/caption]

The Reverend Peter Mullin doesn't like those darn pushy homosexuals — they must make him feel uncomfortable and all squirmy deep down inside. He wrote some amazingly stupid things about gays.

The Rev Dr Peter Mullen said in an blog that homosexuality was "clearly unnatural, a perversion and corruption of natural instincts and affections" and "a cause of fatal disease".

He recommended that homosexual practices be discouraged "after the style of warnings on cigarette packets".

He wrote: "Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS."

What about the heterosexual women? Everyone forgets the loving ladies in these arguments. Do they also get chin tattoos? That would be a real shame. And then there are those heterosexual couples that engage in all of the same activities that homosexuals do — why do they get a free pass from the Rev. Mullen?

He also didn't say a thing about cunnilingus, but they never do. Lesbians also always get a free pass, and it's just not fair. I'm beginning to think they are god's favored people.

Let's just simplify everything. At birth, everyone, male and female, gender preference as yet undetermined, gets two tattoos. One on their backside that says "EXIT ONLY", with big bold pointy arrows, and one on their tongue that says "FOOD ONLY". Since human beings are naturally obedient and incurious, these injunctions will of course be followed to the letter, and no one will ever be so rebellious as to try and see what else these body parts can do. They especially won't be tempted by the instructions to the contrary so boldly written on their bodies. You can read on at Pharyngula

On the first day of our honeymoon, my husband and I wandered into a bookstore. I happened to notice one title, Why Women Shouldn't Marry: Being Single By Choice and I picked it up. I was a spinster for too long to not find this book irresistible. My new husband indulgently carried it to the checkout counter for me.

I appreciate Cynthia S. Smith and Hillary B. Smith's book. It acknowledges all the great reasons to get married, but asserts that too many women marry for bad reasons. With chapters like "The Soul Mate Myth," "Why Divorced Women with Kids Shouldn't Marry" and "Why Widows Shouldn't Marry: You've Been Through Enough," they have a lot of opinions I agree with. Their book rips into the cultural beliefs that a woman who isn't married is less valuable and that marriage improves every woman's life. I love the numerous stories of women who live independently, staying true to what they want out of life and refusing to let a man ruin their balance and stability. Also fascinating are the many examples of women who gave up their freedom for stifling marriages that left them much worse off than before, emotionally and financially. Of course, a chapter is included about having children without a marriage partner or not having them at all, "The Motherhood Option: Non-Mothers and Single Mothers."

But the most riveting chapter for me was the one called "Closet Singles," a category into which I think these authors would have put me until recently. To read the rest, scoot over to COTE, and comment either there or here.

Yesterday I saw the world premier of the brilliant documentary Heavy Load: A Film About Happiness at the Edmonton International Film Festival. It's about the UK punkish band of the same name. They're middle-aged punk rockers with a difference: the band started with the musical dreams of several individuals, each with some cognitive / learning impairment or other, to be in a band. Together with support staff Paul and Mick (guitars), Michael (drums and vocals), Simon (vocals) and Jim (guitar and vocals) formed Heavy Load over 10 years ago. The doc follows the band over about a 24 month period, culminating in their Stay Up Late Campaign last year, which highlighted a late night limitation of many of their audience members: they wanted to stay up late, and hear the band through to the end of the night, but the regime of staff support typically meant that many of them were leaving at 9pm or earlier. Hardly a punk rock night out!

You can check out the band's website right here, or see more about the film over here, including the trailer for it. It's a great film, and if you're putting on or trundling out to a film fest, go see it! The UK premier is in London on Wednesday, together with some live performance energy.

19 September 2008 - Margate, FL, USA NBC6 News reports that two men were arrested in connection with a sexual assault of "an autistic girl."

19 September 2008 -Tucson, AZ, USA The Tucson Citizen reports that Diane Marsh was sentenced to 10 years in prison after being convicted on August 4th of negligent homicide and 4 counts of child abuse in the killing of her son Brandon Williams in March 2007. Pima County Superior Court Judge Hector Campoy suggested that Marsh had already been treated leniently by the jury, who might have convicted her of first degree murder and indicated that she deserved a substantial sentence for “torture of her vulnerable child,” a 5-year-old boy with autism.

19 September 2008 - Grand Junction, CO, USA KRDO reports yet another murder of a child with autism by his father. Police report charged Allen Lee Grabe, 51, with the first degree murder of his 13-year-old son Jacob Allen Grabe on September 11, 2008. Jacob had Asperger syndrome. His father is reported to have shot him multiple times and quoted as telling his wife, ”I had to kill him because you were ruining him.” According to the Denver Post, the arrest warrant indicates Allen Lee Grabe shot his sleeping son in the face and then put several more bullets in his son’s head as he lay dying. Jacob was an eighth grader who was particpated in track, band, and other school activities.

18 September 2008 - Charleston, SC, USA  The Post and Courier reports that a school bus driver has been suspended without pay after a school employee reported that the driver struck a an eleven-year-old boy with autism who was uncooperative while boarding the bus. Police are investigating the incident.

The day was beautiful, a warm, sunny autumnal September day. The location of the workshop was a quaint old house in a fine residential area in London with a near-by delightful park, were we had a lovely picnic spread out on the grass.

I always love it when people arrive in the morning of such workshops, some with trepidation, some with excitement, others with an attitude of ‘ok let’s see what they have to offer to me’. People start mingling around; holding onto their cups of coffee or tea, staring at each other’s stuck-on name tags, making polite conversation.

As the day progresses, barriers start to fall, and by the end of the day, everyone is eager to exchange email addresses and phone numbers.

It’s all about being in a space where everyone is invited to share a little bit about their own life, stopping for a moment in one’s hectic life, and actually behold another human being with their unique facets of wonder inside of them.

I enjoyed this workshop as it is very much in line with my own work and ministry: inStrengths Ministries – Journey of Intimacy. 

check out:

The Journey Of Intimacy -

The JOI Project

at http://instrengths.ning.com

I am of the opinion that two of the most important factors in the health and happiness of a relationship are 1) character (what a person is - I would also call this personality) and 2) behavior (what a person does). I think behavior is obviously important, as it is the actual bridging of two unique individuals, but also that it is largely, although incompletely, determined by the involved personalities. Put another way, I believe that people ought to determine not only what kinds of behaviors they approve of in a relationship, but also to recognize the underlying characteristics which tend to produce such behaviors in an individual.

I believe that certain types of personality matches are more natural and comfortable than others, but I also believe that there are matches which, although not as comfortable, involve a melding of different complementary traits to the effect of creating a dynamic pair. I can see pros and cons to each matching, as well as the possibility of having the best of both worlds - a comfortable match with complementary differences. But this is the question which I'd like my married readers in particular to answer if they would: which is ultimately more important, to have a comfortable match or a complementary match? Or is my creation of such a dichotomy misleading and unnecessary? ;-)

1. What brought you into this kind of work with young people?

I benefited from the rich experience of youth club membership, so I decided at 18 to run a youth club myself, within the church. At 27, I moved into teaching from my former career as an engineer. As such, for many years, I’ve taken an active interest in young people and particularly in their social and emotional as well as their spiritual wellbeing. After 12 years of formal teaching, I was asked to take up a counselling role in support of youngsters who’d become embroiled in solvent abuse. This was because our conventional pastoral provision in school was inadequate to address this and other family breakdown difficulties.

2. When you hear kids referred to as "brats" and adolescents labelled as "feral teens", what's your chief thought or concern?

One of the features of our ‘"alarmist", media-driven age is a tendency to label and stereotype, and youngsters fall too easily to simplistic and to some extent meaningless caricatures. It is youngsters’ behaviour rather than the cause of that behaviour or the motivation for it that appears to occupy current interest. Speaking as a disabled person as well as a youth counsellor, I can vouch for the ongoing generosity in which young people give of themselves, are keen to achieve and wish to contribute. Sadly, where finance and profit margins dictate most of institutional living, adolescents and late adolescents struggle to first get a foot on the ladder; certainly this is the case for the so-called “working classes”. One regrettable statistic is that youngsters today are less likely to become upwardly socially mobile than was the case in the 1960s.

3. If you could make one decision as prime minister that would enhance children's mental health, what would it be?

The opportunity to work. It grieves me that in order for society to run, the government appears content to maintain a sick dependency culture amongst the poor. When national priorities have the effect of maintaining high unemployment, particularly for the unskilled or ex-offenders, there is an inevitable consequence of lowered self-esteem. A sense of worth and self-esteem is gained through full employment and through contribution, not through filling out forms at local benefit agencies for free handouts. I would like to see centres created where all could receive a fair day’s pay for meaningful work. I would also like to see as much attention given to emotional literacy as to academic performance in our schools.

4. Without breaking confidentiality, can you share something from your client cases that you're pleased with?

Much of my work has been directed towards anger management in recent years, given that this is what teachers continually ask for when making referrals. A few cases I have dealt with recently (which have been written up) involve working with aggressive young people who have found this as the most instrumental way to get their needs met. Often, tendencies to fight and become violent stem from poor adult modelling. At other times, anger arises through not being heard and listened to. Counselling, naturally, has a principal role here. Overall, I’ve been pleased with the outcome of this type of work and supporting violent-prone pupils through to their final years without permanent exclusion from school.

5. Anything you would "undo" if you had the chance to live your practice again?!

I regret never having received formal training in family therapy. Many of the difficulties that youngsters have centre on the dynamics of how family members relate with one another, how behaviours are reciprocal and how poor communications develop into family dysfunctionality. Apart from personal bereavement, and perhaps difficulties that centre upon friendship squabbles – where teenagers have to achieve the psychological task of moving from adult- to peer-dependency – a good many difficulties originate, and are maintained, through fractured family relations. It is here, arguably, that client improvement requires the whole family to change. It’s a pity that many of the courses I have seen require candidates to enter as pairs of co-workers, which, as an individual therapist, creates a problem. I find that even in couple therapy involving parent with client there is more scope for an improved outcome.

6. A final word?

I consider that too little interest is shown in the spiritual makeup and development of young people. In an age like our own, where secularism has tended to erode much religious faith, and where zealous fanaticism has caused many to rightfully question the value of religion, there has been a tendency to devalue spirituality, and to view it as synonymous with religion. Quality human relationships have a spiritual component, in my opinion, and I think that counsellors, as well as educators in general, need to recognise this in their own practice as they help their various clients to cope with daily living.

Nussbaum critiques the negative views of American public opinion about Mormon polygamy, saying that

Mormon polygamy of the 19th century was not child abuse. Adult women married by consent, and typically lived in separate dwellings, each visited by the husband in turn. In addition to their theological rationale, Mormons defended the practice with social arguments - in particular that polygamous men would abandon wives or visit prostitutes less frequently. Instead of answering these arguments, however, Americans hastened to vilify Mormon society, publishing semi-pornographic novels that depicted polygamy as a hotbed of incest and child abuse.

While Nussbaum does acknowledge the patriarchal nature of (Mormon) polygamy, I suspect that she is both painting too rosy a picture of the history of Mormon polygamy, as well as mis-diagnosing the root of the distaste for polygamy in the popular mind. Such distaste runs deep alright, but the problem is not with polygamy per se. Below the fold is a bit more on each of these points, including some YouTube videos, both serious and more humorous (neither captioned).

I'm no expert on the history that Nussbaum discusses, and who knows, I may just be suffering from the very biases that she points to in popular opinion. But I suspect that very few people know all that much about that history, which is largely unspoken of, and insofar as ignorance feeds into public opinion here, Nussbaum's complaint is on the money. In any case, I encourage readers to have a look at Videofactmaker's Many Wives: Vows of Silence, posted in seven <10 minute episodes on Youtube, which make for compelling viewing. (The quality of sound in the last is bad, and the series is, it seems, still being finished, so we don't get to the end of what becomes an intriguing narrative. Damn it.) Even if public opinion is not based on a knowledge of this kind of narrative, the narrative itself reveals much I suspect about the depth of everyday, patriarchal domination of women under much Mormon polygamy, and this itself calls in to question Nussbaum's pollyannaism about polygamy.

You can get the links to Parts 2-7 by following the links from YouTube.

Regarding the root of the problem of negative public attitudes here, Nussbaum elaborates by concluding with the following:

When people are insecure, they cling to the "normal" and vilify those who choose to live differently.

Again, I suspect that this is right, but it is polyamory, rather than polygamy, that is the real culprit in the popular mind. Polygamy, as a legal or quasi-legal practice, one associated closely with definitions of the family and parenting practices, becomes the focus of vilification, much as gay marriage has been. But the underlying intolerance and distaste is for plural sexual-emotional love relationships, much as the underlying intolerance is of homoerotic love relationships in the case of gay marriage.

Why is this a difference that matters? For one, polygamy is more deeply affected by patriarchal cultural values, as reflected not only in its North American history but in its manifestation as polygyny in the vast majority of cultures in which it is found, than is polyamory. Of course, it doesn't have to be so affected, and there are still polygamous relationships that are consented to freely, and that involve little or no male-dominance. But when laws and traditions are made and maintained by men, as they typically have been in polygamous cultures, polygamy becomes polygyny, and the prospects for free consent and equal standing between the sexes vis-a-vis polygamy are diminished. In polyamory, by contrast, free consent is still constrained by the usual for-the-boys institutions, but not those that specifically convert the abstract idea of polygamy into the concrete practice of polygyny. As a result, it's much easier for polyamory to steer clear of the extremes of gendered oppression. Bottom line for Nussbaum, or anyone wanting to explore this: separate polygamy from polyamory, and don't take on the burden of offering apologetics for the former in the name of opening up minds to the possibility of the latter.

And if this is all too much to bear, let's finish off on a lighter note, though one that picks up on some of what I think ties polygamy more closely to patriarchy than Nussbaum seems to think. (Again, video footage with no captioning.) Thanks to the Church of Geometric Sensualism, and a hat tip to Dale Anderson, who gives the link in a comment on Nussbaum's post:

Basic story 1: Australian Matthew Mitcham clinched the gold medal in the 10 metre dive with his final dive of the day, knocking off Chinese favourite Zhou Luxin by just under 5 points overall. Mitcham was the only non-Chinese athlete to score a gold in the diving, and also received the hightest score EVER for a diver in this event. Yay Matt!

Basic story 2: Matthew Mitcham, who won a gold medal in something watery, was the only openly gay male athlete at the Beijing Olympics. Of the roughly 11 000 athletes competing, 10 openly lesbian women have been identified (by strategically placed spies?). If at least half the athletes competing were men, that makes calculating the percentage of openly gay male athletes something that even I can calculate: 1 in 5500. (Women: 1 in 550). Let's stick our necks out, and hazard a guess: that's significantly lower than the base rate of openly gay people in the rest of society. Every society. Yay ... society?

Basic story 3: NBC and other major US networks ignored Basic Story 2 in covering Basic Story 1. Sports and sexual orientation are just separate things, and they were just interested in covering sports. Yay, self-deception!

Basic Story 4: Basic Story 2 is of much more interest to many people than Basic Story 1. As is the ambivalence that Basic Story 2 creates in many people who share that interest. (And as conveyed by my sorry attempt at a punchline in Basic Story 2.) Three cheers for Matthew on all fronts, but really, which century are we living in? In addition, people who get worked up about Basic Story 3 should really get Out more.

Time to round off with some links, The Quiz, and nice video interview with Mitcham.

First the links: to that bastion of progressiveness, Fox Sports, running with Basic Story 1, and exemplifying Basic Story 3;to Outsports running with Basic Story 2, and exemplifying bits of Basic Story 4; and to the Wikipedia article on Mitcham

And, The Quiz, just to see if you've been paying attention. (Prizes for correct answers.) From all this we should conclude:

(a) there just aren't many gay people interested in sports; it must be in the genes.
(b) gay athletes just aren't being counted properly, either by themselves or by others.
(c) diving makes people happy.
(c) what the hell about straight athletes, left out of things yet again?

And, to round off, the nice interview: check it all out, but at least the first 30 seconds if you're REALLY impatient.

Brideshead is one of those heartrending movies with heartrending scores and performances.  Costumes are to die for too. 

Charles (Matthew Goode), with the grimmest father in the world, goes off to Oxford and by a chance of drunken projectile vomit becomes friends with Sebastian Flyte, a man who carries a teddy bear, is an alcoholic, and doesn't take being gay as a phase in 1920s England. Ain't he impressive? 

This friendship acts mainly as Charles observing Sebastian, then the rest of his oppressed family at the House Charles Falls in Love With: Brideshead.  And okay, maybe he also likes Seb's sister Julia too.

The important thing is that Charles is an artist, an atheist, and is intrusted with keeping Sebastian's blood alcohol levels under control.  Oh, and staying away from Julia because his mother (played by the wonderful Emma Thompson) thinks atheists are too middle class to marry her daughter. 

As a film, the story is based on relationships: Between friends, lovers, siblings, parents, and God.  The aspect of Roman Catholicism is used as a means of keeping the Flyte children under heavy control by their mother and later on affects them through their relationships, most notably Julia and Charles.  To Sebastian it stunts his growth, leaving him an impudent child prone to not getting what he wants and in love with attention.

The  Brideshead estate acts like a player in the story, but more as a metaphor for the family as a whole.  It is seen only once as a whole through Charles's eyes.  To him it is the most majestic place on earth, but every otehr scene with the house in it, it can only be seen in pieces.  As the story progresses it falls into disrepair, with the stone work getting shabbier or with pieces falling out of the stairs or with the statues turing black, the big foutain of Once Upon a Time Male Skinny Dipping stopping it's streams.

All that remains perfectly in tact inside th house are the religious works, the painting Sebastian admits to loathing and the family chapel, the only connecting pieces Charles has to the family for his appreciation of art and the mother's love of the religion.

Charles cannot come out of his relationships with any members of the family unchanged, but after years away from those closest to him, he cannot abandon the memories.  The house brings them together, the house let's them fall.  Another must-see of the summer.

Or as Lore Sjöberg phrases it in this highly entertaining video:

"The internet is to human companionship as Pringles are to potatoes. Closeness and companionship are ground up into an unrecognizable slurry, then artificially reconstituted into a mockery of their natural form."

Especially Twitterfans should watch this:

Alt Text: Episode 6

A question the program does not ask, however, is what alternative kinship ties (if any) develop within such a society?

Besides the well known sex selection that has occurred as a result of the one child policy — China now has a generation of lonely (heterosexual) men — it seems to me at least ironic that a policy which sole regard was for the benefit of the state has given rise to a generation who only knows how to think about 'numero uno'. Now that's policy making on the fly. Or as Foucault once provocatively said, today's solutions become tomorrow's problems.

A recent Huffington Post article by Edward Stein draws attention to McCain's cant about wanting to preserve family value--unless, of course, those family values are being instantiated by gay couples fostering or adopting children. Stein highlights McCain's in-artful refusal to answer straight questions about gay adoption, presumably in an attempt to keep both the religious right and gay Republicans happy.

See for yourself. The video below the fold [no captioning, sorry] shows McCain's responses to questions posed in an interview with George Stephanopoulos.

John Mark Stallings: 11 June 1962 - 2 August 2008

Johnny Stallings died yesterday in Paris, Texas. He had Down syndrome and and a lifelong heart condition. He was a hero to some people, not because he was the first and probably only person with Down syndrome to be awarded a superbowl ring, but because he brought out the best in people. At least that seems to fit country music's definition of a hero.

Your heroes will help you find good in yourself
Your friends won't foresake you for somebody else
They'll both stand beside you through thick and through thin
That's how it goes with heroes and friends -Don Schlitz & Randy Travis

John Mark was the son of fabled American football coach Gene Stallings who coached Alabama's Crimson Tide to a national championship and was an assistant coach for the Dallas Cowboys for a superbowl win. Some people might see Coach Stallings giving credit to his son with Down syndrome for part of his success as mere patronizing sentimentality. As the father of a son with developmental disability myself, I can't dismiss it that easily.

Stallings (1997) book, Another Season: A coach's story of raising an exceptional son, written with the help of Sally Cook, details how his son changed him and his family in powerful and positive ways. It is book that I've recommended many times to fathers just coming to grips with the reality of having a child with a significant lifelong disability. It is a book that has helped some new father of children with disabilities embrace the experience, rather than flee from it. There are lots of books by mothers talking about how this changed their lives but very few for fathers, and some dad's seem to need to hear a story told by a sports legend before it begins to sink in.

As an avid Brooklyn Dodger fan as a kid in New York, I cannot forget Roger Kahn's incredible bestseller, Boys of Summer (1972), a book that transcend sports, telling how the boys of summer who made up the great Dodger teams of the 40s and 50s grew into men later in life. The story of pitcher, Carl Erskine, who also had a son with Down syndrome tells a similar story of personal growth.

So, in some ways, John Mark Stallings life was ordinary. He faced challenges, showed some courage and good humor, stood by his family and friends, and brought out the best in the people around him. If his dad had not been a famous football coach, we would probably never have heard of Johnny Stallings... but he still would have been a hero.

Because his father told the story of being "transformed in Tuscaloosa," his story became very public, and help to bring out the best in lot of other fathers, too. So, when we remember Johnny Stallings the public hero, we can remember the many other lesser known heroes who have helped change the lives of their families and friends for the better.

((This video doesn't have captions, some of the workshop scenes are not great, and it has software label over part of it. But it does show Gene Stallings talking about his son, and how it changed him. "I've said this a lot of times. If I could change him and have perfectly normal child or take John Mark, I'd take Johnny every time." Although this video was made more than 15 years ago, it does in some ways foretell his death. ))

John Mark Stallings was only expected to live a few years, but he survived to reach the age of 46.

A love story for crip culture! By turns playful, unsettling, raw and moving, Cripple Poetics: A Love Story is an immersive and sensual correspondence that builds and heats by accretion—one keystroke at a time. Cripple Poetics is e-mails, IMs and letters between lovers; poetic rumination/invigoration; and disability arts manifesto. Reader Ann Fox (Davidson College) writes: “As lovers/poets/performance artists Petra Kuppers and Neil Marcus court each other, they woo us as well. We are seduced by their great love of each other, crip culture, and a fierce, revolutionary dynamism that makes us want to whirl with them, through pleasure and pain, into the maelstrom of the possibilities for joy and expression the body—and this life—offer.”

by Petra Kuppers (Author), Neil Marcus (Author), Lisa Steichmann (Photographer)

Available directly from Homofactus Press or Amazon.

Both cases highlight how little people take into account the perspective, and the feelings, of disabled children and especially children with limited communication. Of course my son didn't like---was terrified---when he was physically restrained with his arms twisted behind him----but he wasn't even able to say "no" or "stop it." Ben Haslam does not talk, but you can tell from watching a newscast that his current school has helped him tremendously, that he's learning and interested.

More onrestraints and aversives used on autistic children here---yes, this is happening in America today, to disabled children. What sorts of people call this "education"?

Parents of disabled children do care very much; indeed they may be the most sensitive of all to how strangers feel when a child "misbehaves" in public. But being parents of kids who often don't get understood, we have to take care---to advocate---for our kids. Experience has shown me that, at the end of the day, if my husband Jim and I don't stand up for Charlie, people just walk by. In May, I wrote a post entitled Excluded: On Keeping the Faith about the daily advocacy a parent of a disabled child, and one's disabled child, find themselves performing everyone we step into a public place and I'm reposting it here.

Exclusion of autistic individuals from public places has been under heavy discussion in the wake of a Minnesota priest filing a restraining order against the parents of an autistic 13-year-old, Adam Race. In a short essay at the start of the guide Autism and Faith: A Journey Into Community entitled "Open the Door," Linda Walder Fiddle writes:

In 1993, when my son, Danny, was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (that I later learned meant he was autistic), my first thought was not to run to my local synagogue for support...........

When I reflect back now I realize that the reason I did not look to my faith community for support was that I just couldn't deal with the possibility of rejection. Quite frankly it was challenging enough to navigate the daily routines that required tremendous planning due to Danny's unpredictable and frenetic behaviors and I did not feel at all that he could handle the requirements of religious worship. My defensiveness and protectiveness fueled the notion that if Danny would not be welcomed, the rest of the family would not be welcomed either. And so, our family never joined any faith community.

There were times, however, that I peered through the peephole of the door to my faith community but always my fears, real or imagined, kept me from opening it........

I wonder if it is this fear of rejection, of being excluded, that too often leads parents of autistic children and autistic individuals, and individuals who are "different," not to seek out communities and experiences that they still feel keenly drawn to. It is not simply that one's child can't do something (Little League, proms, Girl Scouts), but that it feels (I'm not saying that this is the case, but this is what it can feel like) as if a welcome mat had never been put out.

Here's a slightly different case of exclusion: In Manteca, California, the therapy dog of 4-year-old Jayden Qualls, who also has autism, was not allowed on the schoolbus or at McFall Preschool, according to CBS news. It may be argued that the school is right to "exclude" the therapy dog, Houdini. The dog is said to help Jayden "with walking, staying alert and emotional outbursts," according to Jayden's mother----Houdini helps Jayden to manage being in school better. Is excluding a therapy dog tantamount to excluding the autistic or disabled child who relies on him?

The answer depends on so many factors, not the least of which is what was it like for Jayden to be in school prior to having Houdini? From the discussion about Adam Race and the parish of St. Joseph's in Bertha, Minnesota, I've been reminded about how tricky----even perilous---it is to make generalizations about "situations," about the needs, of autistic persons.

In regard to the Races' case, I'm less concerned about who is right or wrong or who said what or did what or tried what than to move forward and think about how to best include autistic individuals in public settings, including religious houses of worship. I've been troubled to note the constant emphasis on Adam's height and weight. I understand why people might be fearful of him and of his behaviors: My own son is taller, heavier, and stronger than me (and he just turned 11 years old). When he throws himself on the floor, I cannot pull him up. Therefore, I have long been learning about other, non-physical, non-violent ways to help him through tantrums, anxiety attacks, and the like. And I have also been learning about what these "behaviors" mean: Not simply that my son is "being bad" or "misbehaving," but that he is trying to tell me something that needs to get said.

Charlie and a lot of autistic children are very attuned to non-verbal communication, including tone of voice, body language, and gestures. Charlie knows when someone is afraid that he'll "do something. At these times, his teachers and therapists know they have to speak to him with a kind of calm and steady confidence that he'll be all right. We have been extremely hesitant to leave Charlie with any but a few babysitters and only in settings where the staff is highly trained for these reasons.

I guess you could say it is a kind of spiritual discipline and I have not always maintained it in the heat of the moment. I know little about faith, but the belief that Charlie can get through a tough moment, that we can get through it with him, that Charlie can do it (walk, talk, ride a bike, say his name, get on a surfboard, play piano with both hands)-----it is this belief at these moments in which I feel how human and limited I am, that I experience something that is "faith" (or maybe not). And seeing Charlie's feet move the pedals even as his eyes blink in surprise, or seeing his teacher and an aide smile in proud delight when he reads the sheet music as he plucks the cello strings----I think this might be what is called grace.

Think I'll just call it Charlie.

July 2008.

The report is long and complex but here are a few of the findings. On average for all countries,62% of Europeans reported that there was widespread discrimination based on ethnic origin, 51% based on sexual orientation, 45% based on disability, 42% based on age, and 36% based on gender. There was considerable variation from country to country. For example, on average 45% of Europeans reported that discrimination against people with disabilities was widespread, but the percentages in individual countries ranged from well over half in France (61%), Italy (56%), and Portugal (55%) to under a third in Cyprus (30%), Ireland (25%), and Malta (21%). 

PDF copies of this study (summary or detailed versions) are available for download along with a variety of other Eurobarometer reports.

[Someone wants to be closer to Osho. She says: Sometimes I feel very distant from you...]
Two things to be understood. One: you only feel distant sometimes because you are coming very close. People who are distant never feel they are distant – they have nothing to compare with. Because sometimes you come very close, that’s why you can feel that sometimes you go very far. It is a good sign, a happy indication, and it happens only to those who come very close, otherwise not.
You cannot remain close continuously, that’s true, because that will become unbearable; one can contain only so much joy. Slowly slowly you will contain more; then you will remain more and more close. But naturally, there is a rhythm: you come close and then you go away, you come close then you go away. Going away helps you to absorb me; otherwise when will you digest? One cannot sit at the dining table continuously and go on eating and eating and eating. One needs a few hours’ break – at least a six to eight hour gap between two meals, mm? Otherwise you will go mad and you will become spiritually fat... which is more dangerous than physical fatness! Don’t be worried!

The Madman’s Guide to Enlightenment

Rajneesh Osho

My notes:
Rajneesh Osho has his followers and his scorners. Last year I had visited his Ashram at Pune and was instantly repulsed by the way money speaking the loudest there. Everything seemed so artificial and gaudy to me. The poor are unwelcome here. As if the worst of the Hippies combined with a mockery of the East lives here. It seemed to me that the high ideals of Tantra have given way to mere debauchery here. But then I confess to possibly having a low level of intuitive spirituality. Believers need only to discard my opinion as so much drivel from someone innately blind.
I’d read Osho anytime rather than setting foot in that Ashram every again! God forgive me for judging, but I can’t help but be human.
Oops, they call the Ashram, a Meditation Resort!

Struggling down the aisle toward my seat I found myself squeezed in between three impressively large Hells Angels, 1000 pounds of manhood helpfully identified as such by friendly words and images tattooed over much of their exposed bodies and heads.

How's it going?
[Menacing glare, dangerous silence, me quickly finding something else to do for a while]

Noticing that, on the back of one skull, "Hells Angels" had no apostrophe, I seized the moment to put my new travelling companion at ease, my luxuriant flowing hair no doubt intimidating him a little:

Ah, you know, that's funny.
[Puzzled look directed deep into my soul]
I always wondered why there is no apostrophe in "Hells Angels". Hmm?
Whadthafuc? [Menacing squint] Whadyusay?
Oh, nothing really. But I was just noticing that you have "Hells Angels" tattooed on the back of your head. And I was just wondering aloud--really to myself, but my mouth seems to be making noises--why there is no apostrophe--you know, one of those comma-thingies--in the name Hells Angels. Seems kinda funny, don't ya think?
[No laughter. Glance across the aisle to "Vern". Another dangerous silence]
No ideas, I guess?
Vern [leaning across me], is this guy for real? Whadthafuc's he on about?
He's sweet on you, that's all. Hahaha! [I guess I picked the wrong day to wear purple]. Hahaha!
...

Anyway, to cut to the chase. After 4-5 beers (each of us, me quietening up ... a lot), and some sustained snoring from my immediate neighbour (with the neat head tattoo) and cross-the-aisle Vern, I corrected the grammatical mistake left on his skull with a fine-tipped, black marker. Outdoing the Quebec Language Police, and making yet another friend for life, no doubt.

I just had my first major relationship come to a depressing end. Normally, I wouldn't be writing about in here; I had made a distinct mental effort to try to not let my personal life superimpose onto this blog. That's what my livejournal is for. But I decided I should make exceptions when I want to comment on my behavior being more human than I would like.

You see, being in love, is lot like being a drug addict. Literally. Brain scans of people reportedly "in love" show heightened activity in areas that correlate to those of people on drugs. Informational article here: http://www.oxytocin.org/oxytoc/love-science.html

I think I have to admit: I'm an oxytocin and vasopressin junkie. Romantic human interaction produces palpable changes in the brain, and I've felt them for the last year of my life, the year I wasn't single.

The break up may have been particularly hard on me because I'm clinically depressed but untreated-- I'm one of those X million Americans without health insurance--so the "feel-good" chemicals associated with love became akin to a drug hit. I was, and unfortunately remain, quite addicted to my boyfriend.

Intellectually, I am not an emotional person. My emotional responses disagree. My actions are often nothing like I plan them out to be in my head. This discrepancy has been one of the worst truths in my life and created internal turmoil you wouldn't belief.

As I begin my "love withdrawal" I find that I have a better understanding of not only myself, but of the relationships of those around me. When I was younger, I couldn't logically fathom why people acted the way they do. And now I have experienced and realized: the reasons are often biological in basis.