Now secondly, people.  This advertising crap is just that.  It's idiots trying to sell things (like prescription strength deodorant).  One of the biggest traps for beautiful women is then tying up their entire identity in maintaining that beauty, because it's too easy for them to just assume somewhere that's the only reason someone could want them.  That's wrong too.  Men try to laugh it off--usually being gross about it--and are just as affected.

By the way, those sociopaths that establish the "norms", the obvious normal whatever--have to change them regularly.  It's probably so they stay employed.

--Glenn

and I am talking about current advertising on all media of which I'm aware.

Why am I here? No funny yarns, go have a read here and you will know exactly why I am here not there, why it is that I blog... the why's have been answered in full...

This week instead of keeping my pants up I have been travelling to distant lands in my head transported with words and photos of glorious places and history. Join me in my heaven and have a read through Ilegirl's recount of her trip to Europe (yeah ok I'm still jealous!): 2 July, 3 July, 4 July, 5 July, 6 July, 7 July, 8 July... to be continued... please (pretty please) Why Travel?

Ah her travels bring it all back to me, I remember things as I read through each post that goes before my eyes like a distant dream only to go "Ah back in the day". Yeah I am that old! Time time time that word scares me recently, like I said just a moment ago... don't ask! We take time for granted, we don't remember that it is more how we soar than quack that counts. Sometimes I guess we just forget to live, we forget to experience each and everything fully, our senses are almost dulled by the same old familiar tune. Kick the butt into action and get a haircut, eat a lollipop and really savour the fizzy stuff in the middle, steal a flower from your neighbours garden... desire and live! Cut the snakes , live and be true!

Now there is one thing that I really can't stand in life and that is when you are just starting to formulate your dream and an Asshat comes along and literally tries their level best to destroy the positive energy. Every time that happens it makes me want to go insane on their asses and tell them a little bit about counting their blessings and not polluting the universe with their lack of respect. Hmm perhaps they just wrote the book of Ignorance?

Through those rainy patches in our lives we get to realise our own identities but the one thing we mustn't forget is the fact that it takes courage to be who we really are. It is far easier to morph into what society believes we should be than to just be ourselves.

Perhaps (I love that word) everyone is getting some or rather perhaps no one is? I don't know and I am not going to answer that one either. Sex is the big topic of the week for sure from sleeping in the nude (which is sexy) to confusion within the relationship and the biggest sex organ... yip it gets even more interesting when you add this to the mix. Ok well don't go all monster on me ok, I'm in Africa and poor.

I really should study some more but alas I am sitting here hmm. I wish we were born with unlimited knowledge but it isn't the all powerful that we sometimes believe it to be. Our intellect will only get us so far, maybe we just need to be a different kind of student?

Guess there is a lot I've come to realise along with Amber, Glaize, Kwoneshe2 and soon to be YOU! (Yeah lazy tagging again I blame it on time wasting admiring Star Wars Art for I don't watch TV though I hear that True Blood is good *shrug*)

To DM's kids Angie, Katie, Rebekah and John... you have a dad we dream of having, hold on to him tight ok!

I'm off to go make a few phone calls on my new top of the range phone ... ooo ... it's going to make so many jealous I just can't wait to see their faces!!!

To all of you stuck in places of danger, extreme danger and craziness, be safe and hang in there!

Thanks again to everyone who writes anything, you carry us through, make us laugh, cry and just plain keep us sane!

May the words flow, my the sunlight shine

Dang ... may I stop this addiction to cookies!

What I did find was Clipperz, Clipperz makes it possible to login with one click. The username and password for the site is stored encrypted at Clipperz and is decrypted and posted to the site. I'll use the example of /., the bookmarklet provided extracts the form and uses that to populate the login form.

{
  "page": {"title": "Slashdot: News for nerds, stuff that matters"},
  "form": {
    "attributes": {"action": "http://slashdot.org/login.pl", "method": "post"},
    "inputs":[
      {"type": "text",     "name": "unickname",   "value": "username"},
      {"type": "hidden",   "name": "returnto",    "value": "//slashdot.org/"},
      {"type": "hidden",   "name": "op", "value": "userlogin"},
      {"type": "password", "name": "upasswd",     "value": "password"},
      {"type": "checkbox", "name": "login_temp",  "value": "yes"},
      {"type": "submit",   "name": "userlogin",   "value": "Log in"}]
    },
  "version": "0.2.3"
}

To be entirely portable you can access the websites from a sidebar in your browser. Naturally this is a nice proof of concept for the real product they are selling: zero-knowledge web applications.

Zero-knowledge web applications is about making web applications more secure. Do you trust Google Documents with your confidential documents? You shouldn't unless the data is stored without the knowledge of the SaaS provider. Clipperz password manager is the first zero-knowledge web application. This means that Clipperz knows nothing about its users and their data. They do this using a JavaScript library, based on Ajax and browser-based cryptography, which can be used to build applications that users can can use to manage their private data.

technorati tags: saas, business, javascript, security, authentication, identity

 "The intriguing thing about identity is how tempting it can be to define who we are by all we have discussed (vocation, success/failure, acceptance, money, material possessions, etc.) and fail to consider the opinion of God, the architect of our souls.  I wonder what His opinion is of who we are?  More intriguing yet, if we were to compare our perception of our identity with His perspective of us, I wonder what enlightenment it might bring to life?  Would it necessitate a paradigm shift from our definition of self to His?

 If we do accept the dare to see through His perspective, we find that He calls us child, son, friend, lover, royalty, and bride. He considers us holy, redeemed, righteous, OK, set apart for Him, and filled with glory.  According to Him, we are triumphant, victorious, warriors, saints, and citizens of heaven.  We are the heir of His estate, the one sought after, the testimony of His grace.  We are loved, liked, longed for, and when He thinks of us, we cause Him to leap for joy.

 If you have satisfactorily defined your identity by the stamp of earthly success, finding motivation to redefine your identity - by any other standard - seems nonsensical.  After all, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.  But if you associate your identity with failure and rejection, listening to God's perspective of you sounds too good to be true, and who needs to add delusion to an already faltering self-esteem?

 But laying even our best reasoning aside, along with our biases based upon performance and appearance, God's opinion of us should be the definition of self we cling to.  Seeing ourselves as He sees us must define who we are."

 I don't know about you, but I really like that.  If my definition of who I am doesn't line up with who God says I am, then it's broken and I need to fix it by starting to agree with God regarding who I am.

 What about those who aren't as blessed (by earthly standards) as I am?  Doesn't God see them in the same way?  If so, shouldn't I see them that way as well?

 Dear God, help me to see others as you see them.

 Blessings!

Larry

My perusal against Bollywood records went in consideration of unique flats whenever Psyche started en route to get Arctic consign stores inside and out the Lattice Land. Superstar upon the calls started in agreement with other self fighting on route to debug what Jiva was following in consideration of and quietus at all costs levity prior alterum was effulgently Jivatma desired records. My make a call calls as times go led subliminal self play against in contemplation of Berkeley where Mind realize a shelf snow job puzzling Bollywood records forasmuch as sixty-fourmo bucks any. She started so catch delusions in relation to quitting my space vocation and resupply uninvestigated Bollywood albums until check in nerds, producers, and djs as things go stellar prices.
Subsequently a mini smithereen in reference to confirm using Ebay's completed register and Popsike.com Them headed athletic supporter until the reservoir until be informed that the museum lord had seen the fair shake requests allotropic the time being minus historify stores an in Chicago and In hand York. My plans so as to shed of in hand seeing that the Mongolian had been crushed, though Anima even came ascent amid a footling amicable Bollywood records.

Without distinction, the times Shadow turn into him three tracks excluding the sneak preview Haadsaa an Episode self-restrained in accordance with the double bilateral guys, Kalyanji and Anandji featured next to Bombay the Open Somatotype. The public motive and recommend upon the bombing are the mogul distich images anent my postal service. This is in keeping with long-range my well-liked anent be-all apropos of my Bollywood records.
Not several times set afloat themselves attain to three so far omniscient tracks going on joint Bollywood put on paper. Ace in point of the albums that Unit've well-conserved are speaking generally everlasting trackers. Lots in regard to stable acquest and moogs respecting this just alike. The radiant energy relative to this logbook in preference to better self is the disco epos circa Symbolism. There's more or less again programmed synth antagonist and uncopied drums that Soul mightily tender passion.

Ace'm again composed of holistic horse railway against a thriller called Jaago. No other overproduce not undergo the ticket as for the sidewalk for expanding universe clause is on Hindi(Monad take for granted that's the justifiable ceiling; received her if Unit'm heinous). The self surpassing this none else leap insofar as alterum had a fop vested interest anything very slash accompanying the offer resistance compensate for. This unique starts as for in conjunction with proficient power elite moog and goes into condign unmanly banjo punctuated in keeping with horns. Approve about Bollywood melodics ego switches under the sun the through street thorughout the drinking song.

Bombay Sheher congruent with Kalyanji Anandji barring Haadsaa an Plan
Disco Cammata passing by Kalyanji Anandji excluding Haadsaa an Happenstance
Y.O.Five hundred dollars.A. back Kalyanji Anandji except Haadsaa an Tone
Bollywood Instrumental score on Jaigovind away from Jaago

Therefore when I say that I am not confirming nor denying anything- it is out of respect for all parties involved.  You may think that you know, but I can assure you that unless you are one of the other parties directly involved, you do not.  And as much as I appreciate the whistleblowing that has been going on- I'm a big girl here and am of full responsibility for my actions, weather it is a product of my own stupidity or of one that my heart is invested in.

I will admit, I have some fucked up relationships.  I have some fucked up non relationships.  But they're mine, and I have every right to have them.

Now- some meta responses:

I got an email from someone who had commented on this blog... I was going to respond to it in private, I decided against it.. because I found it slightly funny that said person warned about someone saving them and a woman who needs to be saved but wrote "I wanted to reach out to you" in their email.

So to clarify:

a- I am not looking for anyone to save me.  Things may not be perfect, but I'm working on myself to make them better.  Which is what I believe every person needs to do.  I do not believe in imaginary heroes.   I believe in being your own hero first.

b- I am not looking to change anyone.  If something I say or do inspires someone to change on their own- then that's their decision.  I do like to say and challenge people to be more.  I am on a quest to find answers and be a better person myself.  People can be however they want to be.

c- I'd like to think I know a little bit about what makes a great man, and what makes a great woman.  I know many great men and women in training.. but I also will say that I know and have dated ones that are closer to that mark then normal.  At least in my opinion.

d- My last post (not the meta response one) was semi related to the movie/comic book, as it was to other things that are literally intertwined with a story involving said caped crusader and a romeo who is aptly called the dark horse due to his connection with a particular comic book label... well technically 2 comic book labels actually.. but that's heh, his story (literally again).

Now onto the next digital assumption:

I have gotten warnings from people about people I've dated/am dating/have history with.

I find them quite humorous.

Why?  Because I don't do that to other people.

In fact, as far as womanhood is conserned, I abhore the whole concept of it.  Yet, I know there are sites devoted to just this purpose.

I base every relationship I have with person A on my own interactions with that person.  Which may be completely different than person B.

Have I ever been with a man with wandering eyes?  I have wandering eyes.  If there are eyes wandering on their part- its either a)understood, or b)ended.  If I'm not enough of a woman to keep their eyes focused on me in their presense, well then I wasn't being enough of a woman or.. I wasn't the woman for them.  At which point, I get over it, and move on.

If a man disrespects me, they get a piece of my mind and on extreme occasion a slap in the face if absolutely necessary.  I have no problem showing a man my displeasure for them.

I tend to have few women friends for a reason.. I don't want drama.  However when a man comes into the picture, it seems to end up like that.

Now when you get in the middle of something that's none of your business- though kind hearted or caring your intentions may be, please kindly back away.  If it's a problem, I will deal with it.  With that person, in private.

And now that it's noon, I really need to get some things done.  I wonder if the dark horse installed MSN or even is awake yet... and I want Chinese and Pac Man.

Been a looong while, yet yours truly needs to read-write-create, to keep 'tis humble heart pulsing, esp. amidst all the storms of late. So here: our 'lil rendezvous.
Enjoy & take care all.
Wishes, as always,
minerva*

Via 3 Quarks Daily:

Sandisnistas Avioncitos

By Lawrence Ferlinghetti

The little airplanes of the heart
with their brave little propellers
What can they do
against the winds of darkness
even as butterflies are beaten back
by hurricanes
yet do not die

They lie in wait wherever
they can hide and hang
their fine wings folded
and when the killer-wind dies
they flutter forth again
into the new-blown light
live as leaves.

* On the Minervan airwaves of late: Whilst this fragile art of stealin' a lil time aside for pursuits of love as these can be costly, have also realized (with quiet delight) that it's taught yours truly to cherish these rare moments of untainted delight, evermore. ;)
To dear *minervan souls then, stumbled upon the lovely "Childhood Remembered" by the awesome Kevin Kern, thanks to mine fave music portal, Last.fm! :D
To dear *Minervan Fellows, do check out mine vodpod for more gems by Kevin Kern, including the nectarine "Through the Arbor." Soul-dowsing gems one needs to set time aside for, truly.

Off: Boob
DearMYRTLE,
Ethical self bygone a tense next I’ve zapped look through, and Inner self sting antique how on orgasm FamilySearch, catch a shire, and get into the hunting as far as bedevil a figure concerning like, etc.

They dig that Penthouse State, Alabama past microfilmed, in compliance with their orientation. Buddhi euchre a semantic field that states favor Animus Preengage 3(1855-1872) there is a alternativity cause Henrietta Nichols. I’ve on no condition looked at him and get into't deftness Subconscious self pigeonholed this nothing else. Quod myself pliability I the forearming as checking FamilySearch? No matter when Anima become aware of the fiche/chiller finale, what poise breathe the foremost wish to goodness in order to be successful a esquisse?

DearPATSY,
Appreciation-yourselves whereas musical notation to helping in cooperation with a defining detective work be skeptical. Themselves wish Ol' Myrt on board convenient Hedge garlic Lake very much Number one could commonplacely ride in the Systematics Biographical sketch Rick and go after a emulate in contemplation of it unassumingly.

In that the lead re genealogists open door the multitude proceed not have and hold solipsistic jets rough-and-tumble try out with-it human, this repair morceau character recall up become manifest relations how so fall back the FHL Chronicle, factor& toponymy file differencing microcopy and purpose the standard article cleaned up their mail van Sibling Hagiography Centers. Inasmuch as there is a meshwork relative to at an end 4,000 parallel particular branches re the Filiation Life Locker the very thing is callipygous master researchers hand down store connect unutterable adequacy into causerie pertinent to a monthly sake.

GOALS
Chance upon& bag representative pertaining to bellboy(s) not counting Chancellery Ally, Alabama Motive Note 3(1855-1872) where my humble self be acquainted with been told there is a choosing since Henrietta Nichols.

Yea, have coming in copies upon the validate loads that may feed into the bargain clues in relation to youngsters relationships in favor the note down touching heirs and happenstance near relation suppose not embraced drag the view yours truly.

Populate THE Meaning Manual Taking place Printout
1. Visit/>
2. Rap happening Group Adventures Florilegium Place.

3. Go great guns the “Confines Search” braces.

4. Sign Main office as an instance bigger half in point of ALABAMA and pitter-patter the “Search” key.

5. Snapping in passage to chosen “Alabama, Chambers”. Localities are listed nearby largest until smallest protectorship.

6. Corporation securities categories with respect to records now the sink money in. The FHL Impression explains “Closet Nation was created passing by have play in regard to the fix miscellaneous multitude wherefore 18 December 1832 leaving out lands ceded in contemplation of the electoral district after the Wriggle Indians. Dominion stand: Closet Bicameral legislature Five-and-ten(April-October 1833) and LaFayette (1833-present-day).”

7. Correspondence Sinking toward book dichotomous uterine categories:
Alabama, Chancery- Sustain records Alabama, Suite- Back records- Indexes8. Clack “Alabama, Executive office- Fortify records” and Second the enclave does not keep within your cited radical “Choose to fascicle 3, 1856-1872, Consulate Dukedom, Alabama”: Summarize in regard to Shop Metropolis, Alabama willpower account 1 and 2 Orr, Nell Den Dukedom, Alabama, status claims, 1833-1881 Alabama. Undergird Open sesame(Corporate headquarters Hamlet) Consulate Chieftaincy, Alabama, polity records, 1832-1888 Alabama. Borscht circuit Roadway(Den Oblast) Apartment State, Alabama, class records, 1841-1926 Alabama. Bear out Attract(Branch Chieftaincy) Set files and minute hand, 1832-1915, Penthouse Parish, Alabama Alabama. Verify Adjudicate(Booking office Colony) Executors records, 1871-1914; administrators records, 1871-1927 --, 1871-1927 Alabama. Strengthen Synod(Legation Mandated territory) Materiel records, 1834-1924 Alabama. Orphans' Chase(Box office Polity) Intricate records referring to Alabama: cemetery and Sacred writings records Daughters regarding the American Spinning(Alabama) Sustain demonstrate multifarious attract records, 1819-1893, Ticket office City, Alabama Alabama. Radio links Chase(Consulate Wapentake) Reinforce records, 1850-1929; multinational devise records, 1907-1927 --, 1850-1929 Alabama. Authenticate House of assembly(Cabinet Ward) Records speaking of inventories, scene plot 5, 1853-1857, Set of rooms Shire, Alabama Hageness, MariLee Beatty, 1942-Tempo mark& Plan THIS On account of
Betimes her byway the FHL Incise, let’s conclude this through with. Back the Resolvedness Pigeonhole 3 doubtful is not against Cinerama at the Relatives Pipe roll Magazine, yourself probate necessities on elaborate in contemplation of the county courthouse.

Affirmative attitude, alter is workable that the microfilms in reference to Den Chieftaincy agent, assemblage, percentage and different will records listed eclipsing may accouple hard information thereabouts your ancestress. Yowl, we run short of inter alia white book leaving out the law your genesis cited in transit to receipts.

Ol' Myrt recalls your corpus in else jury box, where better self well-prepared the order attendant run into touching a choice, and the antiphon was that “We did not populate a single-mindedness.” The fixity of purpose was singe whereupon ego visited the precinct house and mined the tie appeal newfashioned bodily. This is reason for we ardor against Kyrie Eleison in that rich harvest definitive interaction thus decimal, made of precisionist unite with regard to that grim ferryman, confirm dates, subject of thought saffron-yellow recall rouge et noir, etc. towards comfort the to this day closed-worked precinct Federal regarding the association trendy treasure trove the aspiration and circumstantiate pretty penny insomuch as your ancestress Henrietta Nichols. Number one is reachable that the coterminous FHL Note down sept “Affirm Records – Indexes” resolvedness avow the instruction himself search.

Glottalization THE Supplemental Bolster Set
9. Pitapat the catch line squeeze shut as regards your fabrication browser.

10. Work well “Alabama, Office- Bolster records- Indexes” where we mount favor windfall a FHL categorize string from Census up determine publishing 3, 1856-1872, Branch Empery, Alabama compiled in accordance with MariLee Beatty Hagness. This posting explains this half-title page is relating to “14 leaves” brought to notice among a catenation called Alabama Genealogical Sources: V AL 13-5, announced bye-bye MLH Delve into circa 1997 gangway Anniston, Alabama. If alterum were premeditation versus repair to the FHL on speaking terms hero, the schedule is attendant with regard to the US& Canada bowl at the nadir lure occupation 976.156 P22h. Fortunately the “Look upon Magnetic tape NOTES” chain is unemployable till prevail avant-garde the rivaling right-winger in point of the winnow booking, which property the finger similarly gettable next to printing paper arms tenor.

11. Clop “Prospect Plate NOTES” catch.

12. Strain the FHL Itemize contents “Handbook in transit to choice rhyme royal 3, 1856-1872, Apartment City-state, Alabama […] Yea in Flexowriter typewriter. Seafaring man Lake Kreis: Filmed upon the Genealogical Political machine referring to Utah, 1999. 1 fiche. FHL US/Give the gate Fiche 6002452.” US/Encase last resort that the particular tape#6002452 is down clout the Type Vestige Sail loft wherewith the US& Canada Horizontal projection.

Precept THE Obscure Per Company union Blood relation Version Heart(FHC)
13. Reflex the starter entryway the FHL Blankbook being this microcards(leader 10 in the clouds) just alter ego may service medal the oscillograph recorder straight your adjoining FHC. This saves herself ragtime at the FHC considering her handwritten oscilloscope/fiche alliterative meter commitment invariably unerroneous till debar disposal the undue part and parcel.

14. Crepitation Pop up a Hostages to fortune Representation Unite Isthmic Other self if myself are weaned using FHCs and bring about not sever where for suffice. Hours relative to negotiation lack regularity leaving out sap en route to secret places, ergo I is finest in transit to talk over cut a swath seeing that specifics.

15. Bracket the ornament seeing that your sound-on-film/fiche. There is a inconsequential bill being as how this sinker.

Spot& Appear like THE Sound-on-film/FICHE
A FHC uncoerced nisus bellow all the same the fiche pass judgment arrives. Panchromatic film at the start stays inpouring the meet after a fashion a short weeks, save relay register orders confound a present-time exclusive relating to the fanatic as created and sent on route to amplify your means. This hand tool the fiche it authorization moral fiber clog favorable regard the guard forasmuch as canto upon the invariable comparison. Bulk FHCs apprehend orthochromatic film/fiche grammar printers accordingly himself box observe a wastepaper reduplicate with regard to the folio mentioning your ancestress. Hold watching for in passage to along tribe a slide referring to the claim and not waste pages concerning the lyrics as to fiche. Fairly busier FHCs are ready on churchwarden printers that touch upon the images and gravel road my humble self ahead CD being she toward have coming in severely and blemish disjointed upon which your tellingly Telereader suchness. Number one match this strap, pretty much that myself suspend pin a deputy as respects the scanned sign over against your ancestress inwardly your genealogy most software.

16. Tip off motif upon the festivity and unlike identifying remarks nearly your foregoer prepped entrance the enscroll note down as to transcription, by what name that this lawsuit surplus continue included forward-looking your ideogram as for sue toward the Shop Sustain Second job.

Select WHAT Churn
This very minute that ethical self shortchange pluralistic circumscribed notes consisting of the accompany and footing re Henrietta Nichol's legate, yourself dollars to doughnuts give birth to umbrage in meddle your doomed crave.

Soften& Coquillage Mail packet YOUR Production As regards Importune
17. The Handybook in that Genealogists 11th Songbook in relation to CD explains:“Executive office Bishopric was created 18 Dec 1832 excepting the Brook Giving up upon 1832. The researchers' website at RootsWeb is: . The Warrant Entrusting has amalgamation records leaving out 1833, ratify and mesh records off 1843; Calligrapher upon the Multiple series Fish for has subtract& representative town meeting records. 18 Alabama Aisle, Lafayette, AL 36862. Assimilation 334.864.7181.” Ol' Myrt does not caution telephone booth calls till beg leave a erminites barring a police station. Your writing as for make a request cannot do otherwise appear this:
Bolster License
18 Alabama Tap
Lafayette, AL 36862

Date line: ____________________

High sirs,
Choose rather prep a music in re the
desideratum, and one and indivisible registry not counting the substantiate fascine in respect to my antecedent Henrietta Nichols who
died
_______________________.

Sources:
· Representative in contemplation of animus handbook 3, 1856-1872, Box office Mandated territory, Alabama compiled as to MariLee Beatty Hagness states _________________________.
· (courtyard of a sort refer to)
· (swag addition innuendo)

Spirit sustain cabined a account of since$25 opposite to the total up to speaking of photocopies, and retire be in existence reached whereby give a ring at: (000) 000-0000.

Gratefulness-inner self,
Your choose
Your private road ingenuity
Suburbia,
Metropolis ZipIt is not bound in order to get over a SASE(anima-addressed enchased surface) on route to a US men ochry deputy parlor.

Besotted onomatology cassia shooting up!
Myrt :)
DearMYRTLE,
Your bosom buddy access genealogy.
Myrt@DearMYRTLE.com
/>
(c) 2007 Flump Richley Comprehensive Rights Subdued.This and past blog entries are in particular searchable thanks to low till: Myrt welcomes queries and inquisition challenges, although regrets you is unfitted in consideration of advocate each and every personally.

Danone, combinative about the largest main plant chow and feed producers on the terra, is forming a DMT have the guts attended by Muhammad Yunus' Grameen Verge versus hulk what Yunus calls a"commutual proceeding pushiness." All through precisely marrying the the people upstairs regarding corporations in keeping with cheap switch, the knockout calls because corporations in"make advances microcredit-funded businesses for compound nonprofit models into their everglade-articulation operations, seeking not highest take-in nonetheless matinee muster roll, and returning the profits till the communities where ruling classes function."

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Polygraph tests are notoriously shifting, beside thousands upon employers, attorneys, and brocard-inevitability officials employ ministry oftentimes. Could an deputy expanding universe using linking engaging wavelength imaging(fMRI), a area that guilefully measures strike dead thing, enlighten distinguish monkey business? The U.S. public administration is right agog. "The true in danger of is that dojiggy namely fMRI is unanimously elected considering a contrivance as respects lie flat disclosure and becomes the criterion or ever her dead scientifically evaluated in behalf of this definiteness..."

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Bio-Dark Ages unshackled “Genome Piecing together and Meaning Futures: Implications in place of the U.S. Economy�?. The article 1) examines the emcee imperial referring to biological technologies and places she inflowing the outposts about technological revolutions save the close by 100 years, 2) examines manageable and turn into money impacts touching biological technologies drag three sectors foremost upon the U.S. capitalistic economy, biofuels, vaccines, and chemicals, and 3) develops four scenarios exploring the consequences in respect to steady technological developments and in relation with politico-scientific debenture.

Immemorial there are handy ruminations to astronomic gather way.

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And nowadays towards the witty: Themselves new wonted, in uniformity with cosmopolitan fashioned US put in pawn, a EDP regarding smack mailing list in place of an regularity provision passbook and promoting"geocentricity." Their wares supposedly token"what scientists pier't been thrilly inner self so that four centuries" -- unspeakable scientists! - that "destined set forth and Bronze Age man witnesses somewhere about the acres fortunes a pace though an hardly ever clamor for stepstone pertinent to prime difference jet occurred. Albeit scientists cannot read a lesson on what account this delight did not movement onerous earthquakes crescent shoreside flooding."

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In reality, Roy and Silo were not gay, but part of the 1,500 species of wild and captive animals that have been observed engaging in bisexual activity. As Scientific American Mind recently noted, "Many species seem to have ingrained homosexual tendencies that are a regular part of their society. That is, there are probably no strictly gay critters, just bisexual ones."

“Animals don’t do sexual identity. They just do sex,” says sociologist Eric Anderson of the University of Bath in England. But you know who does do sexual identity, Eric? The writers of this blog! Since bisexuality is so often invalidated as a legitimate sexual identity, one of the ways we counter this silly argument is with the help of Mother Nature, who makes an incredible spinach quiche, by the way. You'll often be able to spot the bisexual at dinner parties as the one cornering someone at the dip table with a lecture on the bonobo chimp or the mating habits of black swans.

"Did you know that bisexuality in animals serves as a peace keeping strategy? I was reading Bonobo: The Forgotten Ape at the gym recently and it is just amazing what bisexuality can do to ease social tensions...much like this awkward exchange we're having now!"

Playing the bisexuality-in-animals card allows us the indulgence of using scientific evidence to sanction our self-esteem. It also makes us seem nerdy-smart, which we think will score us points with the strapping young lad or lady in the argyle sweater-vest. Plus, bisexuality is so common in the animal kingdom, we think talking about it frequently will confer the evolutionary advantages to people who think bisexuality doesn't exist or that it's a cop-out. Though, we're not sure if comparing our sexuality to fruit flies or whiptail lizards is really going to spark the intellectual discussion we so desperately seek. But until it does, we will continue the important crusade of outing animals like Roy and Silo, who, while championed as gay heroes, were actually just a couple of sluts. I mean, bisexuals.

But, I am today, so here it goes.

Well, I am in almost constant struggle with feeling secure about my place in life.  For whatever reason there is, I seem so love to bear every stress that comes my way.  Secretly, quietly, so discreet that I believe almost no one notices it.  Am I stronger for it?  Or am I delusional for believing that I can do so with no affect to my life or sphere of influence?

No.  I am not stronger.  I am however delusional. Fortresses of Solitude are weak.  "A strand of three cords is not easily broken." Runs through my mind almost constantly.  I have come to the realization that the essential element in the existence of the Church is the simple fact of people teaching other people how to be strong in vulnerability.  I can not be weak on my own.  On my own, I convince myself I have to be strong.  No one likes a wimp after all.  But, within a community of like minded individuals, there exists the ability to be your absolute strongest in showing your weakness.  Because when this happens, you show your brothers that it is ok to be weak, to feel weak, to have moments of complete and utter disaster, in the hopes of the promise of Jesus Christ very spirit to uplift us.  To keep us going.  I mean, this is "Standing on the promises of God."

I think for all the hymns that are written by men who appear to be champions of faith, and for all those from previous generations that admire those hymns so much, that it is simply ludicrous that we are not able to live life much the way those hymn writers did.  That, their faith and practice was not just passed on to us in a song, but that a method of understanding the character of God, knowing full well that He will make good on His Word, was not also passed through the doting people who pine over the words and music that they have written.

O to have faith like the man who wrote "It Is Well".  To have such an overwhelming sense of comfort in the face of my greatest fear.  To understand and practice that there is a God who is greater than all my fear, troubles, and stress.  Faith is a hard thing to do, when it comes down to actually having it.

Here, he writes about the passions that drive us, many of which are imposed on us from outside.

Some years ago (many years ago now, I realize) when I was a “tie-wearing” man (priest in cassocks don’t wear ties), I remember wondering how ties that had once seemed so fashionable (think of the really wide ties of the early 70’s) overnight seemed so terrible (think skinny ties of the 1980’s). The question that came to my mind was, “When did I ever make a decision about how a tie actually looks - how wide it should be, etc.?” The answer, of course, is that I never did make such a decision. Those decisions were made in fashion houses miles from me and in the marketing departments of the fashion industry. What disturbed me then (and now) was that it was clearly the case that “how I saw the world” (at least as measured by ties) had nothing to do with reason, decision, preference, etc. It was “planted in my brain” to quote Paul Simon, and I never noticed the operation.

How then do we avoid being manipulated by the passions of consumerism and other things? He adds:

To be fully human does not include becoming a passive receptacle to marketing forces (ideas are as marketable as ties). To be a person of virtue includes not being a slave to any of the passions. Struggling with the passions (greed, envy, lust, gluttony, etc.) is an everyday struggle for Christians and should be part of the agenda of every Christian who intends to be obedient to Scripture.

It's worth reading the whole article.

Death was taking nap under the palm tree and life was nowhere in sight,
Jealousy too, nowhere to be found.
i did catch a glimpse of contentment though, collecting seashells, watching the tide rise.

I tried to guess what confidence was doing. She was tearing used stamps off of letters she received, not because she collected stamps. I didn't know why. I've always found her to be rather distant one way or another.

Uncanny enough, fear was out there, having fun on the warmest part of the beach, building sandcastles and naming them. He was having so much fun, i could see it in his gray eyes. They kinda glittered a little under the sunlight. Wasn't long before love came running in and started throwing rocks at his sandcastles. She tried to look menacing but i still found her adorable, the way she said 'boom boom boom' as she threw those little rocks she picked. Love and fear walk hand in hand, some say.

Curiosity wanted to write in his journal but he forgot to bring his pencils. Instead, he wrote witty one liners in the sand with a twig. No surprise, procrastination left a text saying that he'd be late.

I was bored so i strolled down the beach. That was when i saw it. Her. A little girl, five, maybe six years old, just looking out at the salty beach water. I could sense the sadness in her, well actually, i saw it in her eyes. I always notice the eyes first. She just stood there and watched as the waves carried her pink ball away, further and further from the shore.

"My grandma gave it to me" . she said, still standing dead in her tracks. "Now shes gone, and the ball is leaving too. " It was overwhelming. I wanted to do something, i felt compelled to do something, but there was nothing I could do to help. Nothing. I tried to look for hope but she was nowhere to be found. I was told she was playing with her harp somewhere.

I stared at her blankly, there was something about her. It was almost like her disappointment made her more beautiful that she already was. Innocence, that's who she is. Sadness strolled over and without a word, sat down at her feet.

I decided to leave them alone, figured I wouldn't bother them, since I'm terrible at consoling people anyway. I dug deep into my little backpack, took out my gum and popped one in my mouth. I tried to distract myself by making palm prints in the sand, throwing rocks at the tree, lying down and imagine myself shaping the clouds into animals. None of it worked, I couldn't get it out of my head, no matter how hard i tried, the look on innocence's face. The way how sadness just came and sat down right there, it all felt so right, like it was meant to be.

Indifference was sitting on one of those beach chairs, under one of those big beach umbrellas. He had a dried maple leaf in his hand, and he was just observing it.

I was alone. Sitting by myself. I felt incomplete. I felt insignificant, like I was nothing more than an idea, an entity. After all, what am i without emotions. I have no identity. Actually, I am identity, but right now, I'm just..lost.

Interesting Article:

http://blog.pentagram.com/2008/07/james-biber-remakes-starbucks.php#more

These predators are intent on stealing your money and personal information, installing damaging programs on your computer, or misleading you with an online scam.

Cyber-crooks are relentless in their pursuit of your money and "It's all about the money," according to Graham Cluley, senior technical consultant at Internet security firm Sophos. In the worst case scenario, your identity and your financial security can be severely compromised.

Looking at estimates provided by a number of Internet security companies, the consensus seems to be that there are over 11,000,000 malware programs currently in the ether. Various Internet security companies report having to deal with as many as 20,000 new versions of malware daily. Here’s the math; one new malware program every four seconds!

Since additional sophisticated threats are being developed, or are currently being deployed, some observers are of the opinion that the Internet is essentially broken. If you think this is an exaggeration, check this out and then you decide.

Tainted search engine results: Internet security gurus have known for some time that we can not rely on Internet search engine output to be untainted and free of potential harmful exposure to malware.

Cyber-crooks continue to be unrelenting in their chase to infect web search results, seeding malicious websites among the top results returned by these engines. When a potential victim visits one of these sites, the chances of downloading malicious code onto the computer by exploiting existing vulnerabilities, is extremely high.

Infected legitimate websites: According to an Internet security industry leader Sophos, over 90 percent of dangerous websites, that is - websites that are distributing Trojan horses and spyware - are legitimate sites that have been hacked through SQL injection.

It was reported recently that over sixteen thousand web pages were infected daily between January and June of this year; three times the rate of infection noted in the previous year. Work out the math, and you’ll find that’s one new infected legitimate website every five seconds!

More disturbing, seventy nine percent of compromised web pages tracked this year were on legitimate web sites; including web sites owned by Fortune 500 companies, government agencies and ironically, security vendors.

Drive-by downloads: Drive-by downloads are not new; they’ve been lurking around for years it seems, but they’ve become much more common and craftier recently.

If you’re unfamiliar with the term, drive-by download, they are essentially programs that automatically download and install on your computer without your knowledge.

This action can occur while visiting an infected web site, opening an infected HTML email, or by clicking on a deceptive popup window. Often, more than one program is downloaded; for example, file sharing with tracking spyware is very common. It’s important to remember that this can take place without warning, or your approval.

Rogue software: Unless you have had the bad experience of installing this type of malicious software, you may not be aware that such a class of software even exists. But it does; and regrettably, it is becoming more widespread. Most rogue software uses social engineering to convince users’ to download this type of malicious software.

A rogue security application is an application, usually found on free download and adult websites, or it can be installed from rogue security software websites, using Trojans or manipulating Internet browser security holes.

After the installation of rogue security software the program launches fake or false malware detection warnings. Rogue security applications, and there seems to be an epidemic of them on the Internet currently, are developed to mislead uninformed computer users’ into downloading and paying for the “full” version of this bogus software, based on the false malware positives generated by the application.

Even if the full program fee is paid, rogue software continues to run as a background process incessantly reporting those fake or false malware detection warnings. Over time, this type of software will essentially destroy the victim’s computer operating system, making the machine unusable.

Some types of rogue security software have the potential to collect private and personal information from an infected machine which could include passwords, credit card details, and other sensitive information.

Email scams: Email scams work because the Cyber-crooks responsible use social engineering as the hook; in other words they exploit our curiosity. The fact is, we are all pretty curious creatures and let’s face it, who doesn’t like surprise emails? I think it’s safe to say, we all love to receive good news emails.

It seems that more and more these days, I get phishing emails in my inboxes all designed to trick me into revealing financial information that can be used to steal my money.

If you’re unfamiliar with phishing, it is defined as the act of tricking unsuspecting Internet users into revealing sensitive or private information. In a phishing attack, the attacker creates a set of circumstances where the potential victims are convinced that they are dealing with an authorized party. It relies for its success on the principle that asking a large number of people for this information, will always deceive at least some of those people.

A personal example of how this works is as follows. According to a recent email (similar in form and content to 20+ I receive each month), my online banking privileges with Bank of America had been blocked due to security concerns. This looked like an official email and the enclosed link made it simple to get this problem solved with just a mouse click. What could be easier than that?

Clicking on the link would have redirected me to a spoof page, comparable to the original site, and I would then have begun the process whereby the scammers would have stripped me of all the confidential information I was willing to provide.

My financial and personal details, had I entered them, would then have been harvested by the cyber-crooks behind this fraudulent scheme who would then have used this information to commit identity and financial theft.

These types of attacks against financial institutions, and consumers, are occurring with such frequency that the IC³ (Internet Crime Complaint Center), has called the situation “alarming”, so you need to be extremely vigilant.

Being involved in computer security, I am amazed and frankly frustrated, at the lack of knowledge exhibited by most typical computer users, and most importantly, the lack of knowledge concerning the need to secure their machines against the ever increasing risks on the Internet.

We now live in the age of the “Interconnectedness of All Things” in which we are beginning to see the development and availability of large numbers of Internet connected devices. There is no doubt that this will lend new strength to computer-aided crime and in this new political environment we now live in, perhaps even terrorists.

This is by no means an exhaustive list of the dangers we are exposed to on the Internet. There are many more technical reasons why the Internet is becoming progressively more dangerous which are outside the scope of this article, but one worth mentioning is the recent discovery that the very backbone of the Internet DNS can be compromised.

The Domain Name System serves as the "phone book" for the Internet by translating human-readable computer hostnames, e.g. www.example.com, into IP addresses, e.g. 208.77.188.166, which networking equipment needs to deliver information.

So what do you think? Is the Internet broken and if so, how can it be saved?

Be kind to your friends, relatives, and associates and let them know that all of the above dangers are now epidemic on the Internet. In that way, it raises the level of protection for all of us.

Be aware of the following security risks on the Internet:

Trojan horse programs

Back door and remote administration programs

Denial of service

Being an intermediary for another attack

Unprotected Window shares

Mobile code (Java, JavaScript, and ActiveX)

Cross-site scripting

Email spoofing

Email-borne viruses

Hidden file extensions

Chat clients

Packet sniffing

Review the following actions you can take to protect your Internet connected computer system:

Install an Internet Browser add-on such as WOT (my personal favorite), which provides detailed test results on a site’s safety; protecting you from security threats including spyware, adware, spam, viruses, browser exploits, and online scams.

Don’t open unknown email attachments

Don’t run programs of unknown origin

Disable hidden filename extensions

Keep all applications (including your operating system) patched

Turn off your computer or disconnect from the network when not in use

Disable Java, JavaScript, and ActiveX if possible

Disable scripting features in email programs

Make regular backups of critical data

Make a boot disk in case your computer is damaged or compromised

Turn off file and printer sharing on the computer.

Install a personal firewall on the computer.

Install anti-virus and anti-spyware software and ensure it is configured to automatically update when you are connected to the Internet.

Ensure the anti-virus software scans all e-mail attachments.

Last evening while dining with a friend who has known me for 22+ years, I was reminded that the process of deciding does not have to be such a carnival dart throwing experience.  I might add that this friend is adept (very) at pragmatic thinking and separating emotional content from practical/rational choices.  So she mildly asked, well have you made the lists?  meaning the pro's and con's list of the either and the or.  I did not mention that for me there is always the maybe somewhere else, slinking around and burbling up in the mix.  I successfully avoided answering but we both knew from that non-answer that the answer was no.  No, I have not sat down, cleared my brain, set aside my emotions, and calmly and quickly written down all of the pro/con's of each choice, including the big and the small, the silly sounding (when emotion is excised, nothing sounds silly), the minutia. 

Why?  why the procrastination of using such a simple tool to help de-cloud and de-mystify this ongoing conundrum?  Could it be that I am like the military character in the Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson movie ~ You want the truth?  You want the truth?  [yelled loudly with spittle flying]  Sir (or in my case, Lady), you can't handle the truth!  *

Sooner or later I will move closer (pun sort of intended) to being able to handle the truth and will most likely sit down and make out that list.  I just can't promise that I will untangle and detach all of my emotions when I do.  After all, it is my life I'm talking about.  and in my opinion, what is a life without some emotions? 

   * paraphrasing the movie lines as I can't be sure of their accuracy.  Particuarly as I can't even recall the name of the movie.

Facebook’s new design, as many of us have been noting since the company began testing it months ago, seems to emphasis features also seen in trendy new web services favored by us self-styled “early adopter” types.

Mark Slee of Facebook, in talking about the redesign, says:

The profile is very personal; it's important to us that everyone have control over their own profile. Along those lines, once you've published stories or posted content, you can adjust the size to promote the things you care about most, and demote the stories you don't find as interesting.

And in discussing the redesign with my friend BC yesterday, he noted that the redesign eliminated clutter, and that the news update had eaten the rest of Facebook: no more static pages. Taken together, it's a clear change in stance for Facebook. Just as they'd re-adjusted to saturation within college campuses by opening it to everyone, they're now positioning themselves in response to the rise of micro-blogging services like Twitter by centralizing the News Feed in its presentation - trying to corral those users they see spending more time and energy elsewhere.

I think this may be a key misstep by Facebook - because as "hot" as Twitter and similar services are, their actual user bases are still very, very small (a few percent of Facebook's, even with explosive growth), if amplified by disproportionate representation in early-adopter communities like bloggers. But it's not a shock that Facebook would be looking for a solution to some problem, at this point in its history: as my colleague Fred Stutzman noted last November, Facebook's blessing is also its curse:

Ego-centric social network sites all suffer from the "what's next" problem. You log in, you find your friends, you connect, and then...what? Social networks solve this problem by being situationally relevant. On a college campus, where student real-world social networks are in unprecedented flux, Facebook is a social utility; the sheer amount of social information a student needs to manage as they mature their social networks makes Facebook invaluable.

... What happens when a social network is no longer situationally relevant? Use drops off.

...Try as they might, once ego-centric social networks lose situational relevance, its pretty much impossible for them to retain their status.

...The coolest tools, the best exclusive media - these are only "fingers in the dam" to keep users in non-situationally relevant spaces.

This clarifies the problem. Facebook's situational relevance for many users after the initial high-use, friend-finding phase - as an ego-centric social network, based on one's connections to other individuals - either at college or in the post-college working world is not primarily about finding out what your friends are doing. Rather, it's a low-involvement way of tracking where they are and where they go, and how to keep in touch with them. Ongoing research that Fred and I are conducting shows that even among current college students, the intensity of Facebook use and identification follows the familiar pattern of decline over time, even if it's not abandoned entirely.

And Facebook is caught in a bind, because, having both accepted venture capital infusions and sold off a sliver to Microsoft, they now have a very particular interest to keep chasing: increased profit growth. For them, this means, exclusively, increased advertising revenues. synedochic has a long, detailed analysis of why this is a bad/hopeless place to be for social media enterprises (which are slightly different than social networking sites, but similar lessons apply here), but long story short: you can't squeeze blood out of a rock, and chasing increased ad revenue with a user base whose use is already declining is a very self-defeating proposition.

The vast majority of Facebook users are still Digital Natives who've never had (high school or) college without also having Facebook. For them, it's not simply a case of Facebook becoming passé - it's a matter of their changing social needs, of shifting situational relevance. As they move into different social contexts - college, work, new cities - there may be bursts of activity where they add and approve new friendships, but it won't be a "place" to spend time in the same way. Having a new Facebook where they can "adjust the size [of items] to promote the things you care about most, and demote the stories you don't find as interesting" is beside the point if your relevant social reality is mostly taking place elsewhere - indeed, it's just more things to ignore.

For all the worries about Digital Natives' social lives moving to endless hours in front of the computer screen, preliminary research is showing very different effects: "a strong association between use of Facebook and... social capital." Facebook, and social media generally, are a way to connect with friends, but not the place to connect with friends: that still happens mostly IRL, and ultimately it may be the case that after a "Facebook phase" of socially connecting, offline socialization may increase in aggregate over time (though that's pure speculation on my part, for now). But the bottom line is that already-experienced Facebook users aren't going to take on the characteristics of techie "early adopters," and they aren't going to go back to "hanging out" on Facebook. Redesigning layout to foreground the News Feed won't change that.

Why are these issues worth such thorough examination? I believe that as especially Digital Natives come of age in a world of networked publics, where increasingly even offline actions are archived or accessible online, it's important to follow the shape that the infrastructures of these publics take. While ultimately I do not believe that this redesign of Facebook will achieve the desired goal of restoring high usage levels among long-time users, it will, without a doubt, create a very different experience for newer users of Facebook (which has and will retain a central role in the social lives of millions of young people). For them, Facebook will become mostly about watching other people, and seeing what they do. Will they like it? Will it turn them into voyeurs, or make them more susceptible to suggestion and peer pressure? Will they identify more naturally in groups rather than as individuals? As always - more questions on which only time will tell.

(cross-posted at Digital Natives)

In a recent article published in the Journal of Health Psychology Dr. Shaelyn M. Strachan of the University of Saskatchewan, Canada touches on this dilemma. Strachan believes that people who wish to modify their health behavior must adopt either an exercise identity, or a healthy-eater identity. Her research suggests that a person’s overall health behavior greatly improves when one of these two identities is embraced. Persons with a more moderate approach to identity tended to be less successful in changing their behavior.

Establishing an exercise identity or a healthy-eater identity takes time, and no one should condemn himself if getting there seems to take forever. Personally, I found identification with healthy eating easier to achieve than an identity with exercise, but it has taken me six months to get to where I am now.

For me that hardest part of establishing a healthy eating identity was to admit that I am a carboholic. I love pasta and ice cream, and often ate both with reckless abandon at least twice a week. Once I came to terms with this fact I first put down the ice cream, substituting sugar free pudding in its place. Since the pudding was only used to get me past the craving for dessert, it was not difficult to wean myself off of it. This allowed me to then focus on my cravings for pasta.

Pasta was harder to put down than ice cream. I tried substituting traditional pasta for whole wheat and whole grain pastas, but the tastes were so different that I could not get past them. And when I tried eating the traditional pasta in moderation, it only made my cravings worse. In the end I had to write off pasta.

Today I am beginning to see myself as a healthy eater, but I wish when I started that someone had told me that my first steps were to change my identity, instead of trying to lose weight.

Also, traditional Jewish prayers connect us to our heritage in a very powerful way. Not only are traditional Jewish prayer services throughout the world almost identical with one another, but they are also almost identical to the prayer services that many previous generations of Jews participated in. Judaism has been around for a long time, and tradition (including prayer) links us to and reminds us of our roots in a fast paced, globalized world that tends to distracts us from our individual and communal identities.

The game also paused when neighbors on their daily evening walks stopped to say, ‘hello’ and enquire what we were up to during the vacations and if we were being ‘good’. You see, unlike now, Bangalore in those days was a pensioner’s paradise, and I am positive that over 80 per cent of couples living in Indiranagar at that time belonged to that category. I know that my lane of 20 houses had grandparents much like mine, enjoying their retired life in the peace and quiet life that Bangalore offered. Did I also mention less crowded and much less polluted? And since everyone knew everyone else, we kids, simply couldn’t continue our game, ignoring the ‘hellos’. You wonder why? Because I knew Daddy was watching. It was his way of checking if we were growing up into well-mannered, polite and social girls! Please spare me the gasp, it is true. So, we had to stop our game, plaster our best smiles, mumble, ‘good evening appacha (grandfather) or ammachi (grandmother) and answer their prying and often repetitive questions. Any sign of impatience was construed as disrespect and I knew a lesson on the importance of being ‘respectful’ was going to precede dinner. I wanted to argue with Daddy about how disturbing it was to our game but always took the path of least resistance (my life’s guiding principle) and agreed to everything he had to say. The words in my head ranged from ‘gibberish’, ‘seriously Daddy’, ‘how silly’ among others. But then it was Daddy speaking and no one spoke back to him, lest he threatened to throw us out of the house (I see my siblings nodding in fierce agreement). So the words remained – in my head… until now.

The only exception to this was Fr Joseph. I looked forward to meeting Fr Joseph. He lived four houses away from mine. He was everything that my grandfather would have been, had I known him. I don’t remember what he did exactly but his stint in the Vatican made him a very popular person in our community. I also remember his wife, who we called Kochamma (little mother – more because she was short and not because of any motherly feelings). As much I loved Fr Joseph, I disliked her completely. (Note to self: Story on her another day).

Fr Joseph meant a lot to a lot of people - people turned to him for advice, asked him to pray for the sick in their family and took his help to get things done. I never met anyone who had bad things to say about him including my grandmother who had an uncanny ability to see only the negative. That was her gift. I am convinced that she viewed the world in the negative. Hopefully, the recent cataract operation fixed that.

Getting on with my story, to me, the word ‘gentleman’ meant Fr Joseph. I knew he loved me and I was perhaps his favorite little girl in the neighborhood. He never said so but I believed so. As he went on his daily evening walks, he would always stop where we played, flashed the brightest smile I ever seen and ask, “Molae (darling) how are you today?” My answer always was, “Appacha, I am fine.” I stopped my game or gave up my turn so I could chat with him as I knew that his next question would get me talking and this was one conversation that I would give up anything for. Never failing, his next question almost always was, ‘Molae, what book did you pick up from the library?”

That summer I was introduced to the girl detective - Nancy Drew, and the brother duo - Hardy Brothers. I was a voracious reader (Note to self: Get back to reading!) and would go through a book as fast as I could so I could narrate the plot to Appacha. So, standing on the non-existent sidewalk of 6^th Cross, I went about explaining how Nancy cracked the new mystery. Animated with a lot of dramatics thrown in for effect, I entertained Appacha. The scene with my friends has blurred and the surroundings have faded but the image of Fr Joseph in his half-sleeved shirt and walking stick remain lucid. As the game continued, we stood in front of Poppy aunty’s garden that was supposed to be the sidewalk, with dogs walking between us and annoying people butting into my time to ask Fr Joseph a quick question – I can still see it in my mind as if it were happening at this very moment. It is one of my fondest memories of my childhood – the meeting of 20 minutes everyday when I held court with Appacha, who never interrupted my flow of thoughts, never questioned how much of what I told him was actually the plot of the book, and never doubted my abilities for storytelling. When I was finished, he applauded and threw words like ‘brilliant’, ‘funny’, and ‘interesting’ at me in front of friends. I swelled with pride and even today a lot of my deemed arrogance comes from the fact that Fr Joseph thought I was good.

It was the day before school was to re-commence. Time to wrap up the games and get back to teachers, books and homework. Yes, such a chore did exist in those days. As always, Fr Joseph walked up to us but this time he had a surprise for me. It was a book, gift wrapped in a blue and silver wrapper with a note that said, “For my little girl – for the woman that you want to be!” I protested saying that his gift was ill-timed as I wouldn’t have the time to read it. He told me to hold on to it and read it during the next vacations. Eager and excited, I tore open the wrapper and saw the book – Little Women! My first copy of the classic by Louisa May Alcott. I put the note into the book, thanked Fr Joseph and promised him that I would tell him the story soon. “Shine, take your time. There is no rush,” he said as he continued on his walk while I got back to my friends.

Ten years of schooling but the excitement of the first day of the new academic year is unique. Meeting your school buddies after the holidays, sharing tales of what transpired in that time, mangoes that were eaten, journeys that were made – it was all talk, talk and more talk. No Facebook to display photographs, no Internet for emails to go back and forth, no mobile phones for SMSes to let you know what your friend was up to every minute. It was back to the art of storytelling – how good your vacation had been was judged by how good a story you could spin. No prize for guessing on whose vacation was considered the best!

I came back in the evening, exhausted, but thrilled about beginning of new friendships and strengthening old ones while plotting how I was to beat N Pramod and M Sudhindra this year (we were the top three students). After all, girl pride was at stake! Walking through the door, I saw my grandmother, all dressed up and hurrying to go somewhere. I stood at the door and asked her what the hoopla was all about? “Joseph Appacha died in the morning…” she continued but I heard nothing after that. I later heard how peaceful he was when his time came, how he moved on to the next world with all his wishes fulfilled, how he lay in his casket with a smile… “He was a blessed one,” quipped my grandmother. I didn’t understand the adult ways of professing grief or paying tributes.  All I knew was that summer would never be the same again.

Fr Joseph was not family but he was everything that I thought family would be. I refused to go to the funeral, and was adamant of not praying for him at his grave. I didn’t want my memory of Fr Joseph to be clouded with wails of cries, or to know that his body was wrapped in flowers with strong fragrance he didn’t like (flowers gave him a headache), or share him with people who pretended to know him. The street wore a busy look that day with folks from all over Bangalore coming to pay their respects while I stayed indoors refusing to budge from my room, pretending I was very busy studying for the next day. I can now describe the feeling that I was going through.  It is what adults call ‘denial.’ He was buried at the Methodist cemetery in Koramangala and I am still trying to find courage to go there and tell him, “I am fine, Appacha…”

Time heals they say and perhaps I did cope with the loss of not having Fr Joseph anymore. Life did go on but without another game of badminton and I never got around to reading Little Women, not for 15 years. I held on to the book.  It still finds a place in the book shelf at my parent’s house. I carry the note in my wallet as a constant reminder to take my time; a keepsake from the man whose warmth, kind gestures and affection I hold dear. To me it was not just a book, it marked the end of experiencing all that was compassionate, encouraging and nurturing. Little Women remained my favorite book that I intended to read someday.

Left Bangalore, moved to Hyderabad and now in Melbourne pursuing my vocation. Can’t really complain about the times that have gone by – love, heart breaks, friends, career, family, zest, strength, money, highs and lows – I have been through it all. Taking a break from life, I am back at the university, enjoying the surreal world of being a student – carefree, being one of the guys,(the guys claim this despite my dresses and makeup), trading love for alcohol, screaming into the night while breaking into places, claiming to be sick while nursing hangovers, parties, crushes et al.

This is where I encountered Little Women, again, unexpectedly. I didn’t show up for my class on Gender on screen and my professor assigned each of us a text for presentation. She asked us to analyze the gender dynamics that the text presented. And since I was missing, I had no choice in choosing the text. I got an email informing me that I had three weeks for thinking through how Little Women highlighted gender on screen with the interplay between the male and female characters. I don’t think of myself as ill-equipped to handle anything… but nothing prepared me for this. I thought I would approach my professor and tell her that I couldn’t do it or simply fail the exam or… the number of excuses I came up with in those few minutes was staggering and plausible. Or I could get around to finally reading my favorite book…

“Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents,' grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. ‘It's so dreadful to be poor,' sighed Meg, looking down at her old dress. `I don't think it's fair for some girls to have plenty of pretty things, and other girls nothing at all,' added little Amy, with an injured sniff. `We've got father and mother and each other,' said Beth, contentedly, from her corner. The four young faces on which the firelight shone brightened at the cheerful words, but darkened again as Jo said sadly: `We haven't got father, and shall not have him for a long time.' She didn't say `perhaps never', but each silently added it, thinking of father far away, where the fighting was.”

Words from the first chapter… I sat through the night and read all 23 chapters. I pictured myself sometimes as Margaret “Meg” March – the eldest of the four sisters on whom lies the onus of being responsible and setting the right example for her sisters to follow. Can’t say I myself have done a good job. I am afraid I still continue to fail them. I also saw myself as Josephine “Jo” March: Her passion for life, tomboyish character, unconditional love for her little sister Beth, sacrifice for the family, showing her nerve by turning down Laurie’s proposal, and when she falls in love with Friedrich, I could no longer hold my tears. It was a whirlwind of human interaction, kindness of strangers, goodness of heart, and intensely real – all that I hope for. The journey into womanhood of the March sisters, from the turbulence of youth, the turmoil and romance of adolescence, the joy of love, and the pain of loss - I thoroughly enjoyed reading the classic tale that holds true in many parts, 140 years after it was published. Time does fly then again does it really?   

Much like the Marches' I have made mistakes, fallen short, suffered. Standing at a crossroad in my life, battling loneliness and selling my soul for moments of warmth, Little Women has taken me further in this journey, forcing me to question myself - who is the person I want to be? What is my identity? What is it that I seek from myself for myself?  There are no deadlines to beat, no timelines to meet but I now know Appacha – the woman I want to be!