1) Scary Movie

2) Scary Movie 2

3) Scary Movie 3

4) Not Another Teen Movie

5) Walk Hard

6) Epic Movie

7) Meet the Spartans

8-1,000,000) Other Assorted Anathema to Film

If you watch these movies voluntarily, you are probably a dipshit. If you enjoy them, you are in fact a dipshit. Understand that these movies are the shit beneath the hoof of the donkey that is popular film. This week, I went to see a movie and was graced with a poster for "Disaster Movie." There hasn't even been a disaster movie to parody in something like five years. When I say disaster movie, I mean things such as "Twister," "Armageddon," and the like. I don't mean "Battlefield Earth," or "The Passion of the Christ."

Why are you a dipshit for liking these movies? If you've noticed, these "parodies," are not actually parodies. They are simply the parodied movie with a handful of dick and fart jokes thrown in. Movies that get parodied these days don't actually need parodies. They are amply ridiculous as they stand. The only social commentary that I can draw from said parodies is the fact that they often gross the same amount as their blockbuster counterparts, and are using budgets less than a tenth as large and using actors that have either not been heard of, or have no current relevance. The movie industry gets one over on us by replacing high-paid 20 year old women with Carmen Electra. Oscar-winning actors can be replaced with Vern Troyer. And you know what? You'll still buy it. Not only will you buy it, but you'll buy the original as well.

So what does this make the Parody Movie? It's like the reach-around during anal. Yes, you could just take it in the ass, but you're paying good money to be nailed. Why not pay the premium and get a little yank?

What I want to see is a film called Parody Movie. Essentially, it would be a RE-recycling of shitty Hollywood plots. You take the parody, and you re-record it frame by frame with an even lower-paid cast. Look hard, Hollywood. You'll find someone who can work for less than Carrot Top. In fact, you could use the homeless. I'm almost certain with a 100$ budget and a trip downtown, I could cast a film with better acting than 100 Carmen Electras. A writing staff isn't necessary, as we would simply steal from the originals and add in jokes taken from Beavis and Butthead reruns. With the cost of the camera, cast, editing, I could probably record for under 1,000$. I'd pay a lawyer 90,000$ to remain on retainer in case of potential copyright issues. I would reserve 100,000$ to compensate for my own genius. If we only grossed 5,000,000$, which is nothing for modern films, we would still be netting 4,809,000$. That's remarkable, when many films don't net a single red cent before merchandising and DVD licensing.

How do you deal with this breed of dipshit? As per the norm, you can usually ignore them. However, if you need to deal with them, your best bet is to offer them 10$ to be in your newest film.

Free Agents: 2009 and 2010

Those who have been observing the Cleveland Cavaliers, Miami Heat, New Jersey Nets and New York Knicks, among others, maneuver to create salary-cap space already have heard about "the Summer of LeBron." That's 2010, the year that LeBron James can opt out of his contract with the Cavs.

But the offseason of 2010 is not just the Summer of LeBron: It's also the Summer of Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh, Amare Stoudemire, Ray Allen, Tyson Chandler, Manu Ginobili, Richard Jefferson, Joe Johnson, Tracy McGrady, Yao Ming, Steve Nash, Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Redd, each of whom can become an unrestricted free agent in 2010.

And in 2009, the list is illustrious, too: Kobe Bryant, Carlos Boozer, Allen Iverson, Ron Artest, Richard Hamilton, Jason Kidd, Shawn Marion, Andre Miller, Lamar Odom and Rasheed Wallace can become unrestricted free agents next year.

And that's not to mention all the restricted free agents, as you can see below.

Of course, not all of these players will reach free agency. But some will, which is why we're already hearing buzz about the summers of 2009 and 2010.

Take a look and see whom your team could lose … or which players it might ink in '09 and '10.

Key: ETO = Early Termination Option; P = Player Option; T = Team Option

FREE AGENTS: 2009 AND 2010
	2009	2010
Atlanta	RESTRICTED Solomon Jones Marvin Williams UNRESTRICTED Zaza Pachulia Mike Bibby	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Speedy Claxton Joe Johnson
	2009	2010
Boston	RESTRICTED Glen Davis Leon Powe UNRESTRICTED None	RESTRICTED Gabe Pruitt Rajon Rondo UNRESTRICTED Ray Allen Patrick O'Bryant Brian Scalabrine
	2009	2010
Charlotte	RESTRICTED Raymond Felton Sean May Jermareo Davidson UNRESTRICTED None	RESTRICTED Adam Morrison UNRESTRICTED None
	2009	2010
Chicago	RESTRICTED JamesOn Curry Aaron Gray UNRESTRICTED Drew Gooden	RESTRICTED Thabo Sefolosha Cedric Simmons Tyrus Thomas UNRESTRICTED Larry Hughes
	2009	2010
Cleveland	RESTRICTED Lance Allred UNRESTRICTED Damon Jones Joe Smith Eric Snow Wally Szczerbiak Billy Thomas Anderson Varejao (P)	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Zydrunas Ilgauskas LeBron James (P) Sasha Pavlovic Ben Wallace
	2009	2010
Dallas	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Brandon Bass Gerald Green Eddie Jones Jason Kidd Keith McLeod James Singleton	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Josh Howard (T) Dirk Nowitzki (ETO) Jerry Stackhouse Antoine Wright
	2009	2010
Denver	RESTRICTED Taurean Green Bobby Jones Linas Kleiza UNRESTRICTED Anthony Carter Steven Hunter (ETO) Allen Iverson	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Chucky Atkins Kenyon Martin (ETO)
	2009	2010
Detroit	RESTRICTED Jason Maxiell Cheick Samb UNRESTRICTED Richard Hamilton (ETO) Rasheed Wallace	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Amir Johnson Antonio McDyess
	2009	2010
Golden State	RESTRICTED C.J. Watson UNRESTRICTED Al Harrington (P)	RESTRICTED Kosta Perovic UNRESTRICTED Stephen Jackson
	2009	2010
Houston	RESTRICTED Mike Harris Steve Novak Luther Head UNRESTRICTED Steve Francis Bobby Jackson	RESTRICTED Luis Scola UNRESTRICTED Rafer Alston Brent Barry Chuck Hayes (T) Tracy McGrady Yao Ming (ETO)
	2009	2010
Indiana	RESTRICTED Danny Granger Jarrett Jack Josh McRoberts UNRESTRICTED Maceo Baston Marquis Daniels (T) Travis Diener (P) Jeff Foster Stephen Graham Rasho Nesterovic	RESTRICTED Shawne Williams UNRESTRICTED T.J. Ford (P)
	2009	2010
L.A. Clippers	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Brevin Knight	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Marcus Camby Cuttino Mobley Josh Powell Tim Thomas
	2009	2010
L.A. Lakers	RESTRICTED Coby Karl UNRESTRICTED Trevor Ariza Kobe Bryant (ETO) Chris Mihm Lamar Odom	RESTRICTED Jordan Farmar UNRESTRICTED Derek Fisher Vladimir Radmanovic (ETO)
	2009	2010
Memphis	RESTRICTED Hakim Warrick UNRESTRICTED Antoine Walker (ETO)	RESTRICTED Rudy Gay Kyle Lowry UNRESTRICTED Greg Buckner (P) Darko Milicic
	2009	2010
Miami	RESTRICTED Stephane Lasme Joel Anthony UNRESTRICTED Mark Blount (ETO) Shawn Marion	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Udonis Haslem Dwyane Wade (P)
	2009	2010
Milwaukee	RESTRICTED Andrew Bogut Ramon Sessions Charlie Villanueva UNRESTRICTED Desmond Mason	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Richard Jefferson (ETO) Michael Redd (ETO)
	2009	2010
Minnesota	RESTRICTED Rashad McCants UNRESTRICTED Calvin Booth Jason Collins	RESTRICTED Rodney Carney Randy Foye UNRESTRICTED Mike Miller Brian Cardinal Mark Madsen
	2009	2010
New Jersey	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Trenton Hassell (ETO) Jarvis Hayes (T) Stromile Swift	RESTRICTED Maurice Ager Josh Boone Chris Douglas-Roberts (T) Marcus Williams UNRESTRICTED Bobby Simmons Keith Van Horn
	2009	2010
New Orleans	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Melvin Ely Mike James (P)	RESTRICTED Hilton Armstrong UNRESTRICTED Rasual Butler Tyson Chandler (ETO) Peja Stojakovic (ETO)
	2009	2010
New York	RESTRICTED David Lee Nate Robinson UNRESTRICTED Jamal Crawford (ETO) Eddy Curry (ETO) Jerome James (P) Stephon Marbury Quentin Richardson (ETO) Malik Rose	RESTRICTED Renaldo Balkman Mardy Collins UNRESTRICTED Chris Duhon Jared Jeffries (ETO)
	2009	2010
Oklahoma City	RESTRICTED Johan Petro UNRESTRICTED Adrian Griffin Chris Wilcox Damien Wilkins (ETO) Donyell Marshall	RESTRICTED Mouhamed Sene UNRESTRICTED Luke Ridnour Earl Watson
	2009	2010
Orlando	RESTRICTED Marcin Gortat UNRESTRICTED Keith Bogans Brian Cook (P) Hedo Turkoglu (ETO)	RESTRICTED J.J. Redick UNRESTRICTED Tony Battie Anthony Johnson
	2009	2010
Philadelphia	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Andre Miller	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Willie Green (ETO)
	2009	2010
Phoenix	RESTRICTED D.J. Strawberry UNRESTRICTED Grant Hill	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Raja Bell Steve Nash Shaquille O'Neal Amare Stoudemire (ETO)
	2009	2010
Portland	RESTRICTED Ike Diogu Channing Frye Martell Webster UNRESTRICTED Raef LaFrentz Joel Przybilla (ETO)	RESTRICTED LaMarcus Aldridge Sergio Rodriguez Brandon Roy UNRESTRICTED Steve Blake Travis Outlaw
	2009	2010
Sacramento	RESTRICTED Francisco Garcia UNRESTRICTED Shareef Abdur-Rahim (ETO) Ron Artest	RESTRICTED Quincy Douby Shelden Williams UNRESTRICTED Brad Miller Mikki Moore John Salmons (ETO) Kenny Thomas
	2009	2010
San Antonio	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Ime Udoka Jacque Vaughn	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Matt Bonner Bruce Bowen Manu Ginobili Fabricio Oberto
	2009	2010
Toronto	RESTRICTED Hassan Adams (T) Joey Graham Jamario Moon UNRESTRICTED Jermaine O'Neal (P) Anthony Parker	RESTRICTED Andrea Bargnani UNRESTRICTED Chris Bosh (P) Kris Humphries (P) Jason Kapono
	2009	2010
Utah	RESTRICTED Paul Millsap Deron Williams Kyrylo Fesenko (T) UNRESTRICTED Carlos Boozer (P) Jarron Collins Jason Hart Kyle Korver (ETO) Mehmet Okur (ETO) Ronnie Price	RESTRICTED Ronnie Brewer UNRESTRICTED Matt Harpring
	2009	2010
Washington	RESTRICTED None UNRESTRICTED Etan Thomas (ETO)	RESTRICTED Dominic McGuire UNRESTRICTED Antonio Daniels Brendan Haywood Darius Songaila (ETO) DeShawn Stevenson (P)

Disney’s Bolt is due to release in theaters on November 26, 2008 in Disney Digital 3-D Animation. Created by Walt Disney Animation Studios, Bolt is the story of a white German shepherd, Bolt (voice by John Travolta) who is searching for his owner and co-star, Penny (voice by Miley Cyrus).

Read The Rest Of The Article

By Tony Ortega
Tuesday, June 24th 2008

• 
  

  Scientology leader David Miscavige, in full Sea Org regalia. Miscavige's status as "captain" of the Sea Org was central to a court case that resulted in the largest court penalty in Scientology history.

Six years ago, when I was a reporter at New Times LA, I’d written several stories about Scientology (Los Angeles is one of its headquarters), and I was about to uncork the longest one yet—a 7,000 word piece about an embarrassing, $8 million defeat Scientology had just suffered, when the weekly paper suddenly folded.That unpublished story has been sitting in storage ever since. Fast forward to 2008, and the world of reporting on Scientology has changed radically, thanks in part to the lunacy of Tom Cruise, but also in part to a worldwide, leaderless movement that calls itself Anonymous. Ravenous for any information about L. Ron Hubbard’s strange organization, Anonymous scours the world for the least tidbit about Scientology.

Well, here was a pretty meaty morsel just sitting in my hard drive. It’s still a substantial bit of reporting, and it fills in some gaps in the historical record of one of the most humiliating court losses Scientology has ever suffered.

Originally scheduled to be printed in October 2002, the piece follows. (It’s unchanged except for updates in

[brackets].) This material may come as a revelation to some readers, but even for the know-it-alls at Anonymous, there are juicy bites.—Tony Ortega

What Scientology Paid $8 Million To Hide

With an hour to spare, Hubbard’s minions settle a debt they vowed never to pay

(Prepared for publication in October, 2002) by Tony Ortega

Even before it started, the 1986 trial of Lawrence Wollersheim v. the Church of Scientology of California caused a mob scene at L.A.’s downtown superior court.

When a judge decided during pretrial motions that documents describing confidential Scientology beliefs should be put in a file open to the public, 1,500 Scientologists swamped the court clerk’s office to keep anyone else from requesting them. The next day, the judge resealed those records. But an L.A. Times reporter managed to get past the crush of Scientologists and copy the file. Newspapers around the country had a field day with what the Times reported: the documents showed that high-level Scientologists are taught that each human contains the souls of alien creatures banished to Earth 75 million years ago by a galactic overlord named Xenu.

In the lawsuit, Wollersheim claimed that after he left Scientology in 1979 the organization retaliated by destroying his business and attempting to destroy him. In five months of testimony, Wollersheim, his psychologist, and former Scientologists described the coercion he was subjected to, sacrifices he was expected to make, and bizarre teachings he was fed, which made Hubbard’s outfit sound more like a mind control cabal out of The Manchurian Candidate than the mainstream faith it claimed to be. Scientology’s attorneys countered that Wollersheim had come to the organization with a preexisting mental condition and was a drug user. Wollersheim was seeking $25 million in damages.

The jury awarded him $30 million.

It was a stunning blow to Scientology, but probably the most lasting impression that many took from the trial was the reaction of Scientologists themselves, who continued to protest at the courthouse day after day for more than a month after the verdict. Staging their demonstrations from a tent city set up across the street, the members wore pins made from ten cent coins and chanted over and over: “Not one thin dime for Wollersheim!”

It was a vow that Scientology kept for 16 years.

The episode itself lampoons Scientology by knocking its methodology, allegedly scientific basis, and status as a big, fat, global scam. It also lambasts the various celebrities that the so-called religion claims as a foundation for its legitimacy, including Tom Cruise (whose alleged homosexual proclivities give the episode its title and caused him to flip his shit just around the release of Mission Impossible 3 - which for the record was a bad-ass movie), and John Travolta.

I entirely agree with South Park's sentiments about this wretched attempt at a religion, and appreciate that Parker and Stone stepped into Scientology's own line of fire when they made this episode. In The Zen of South Park I compare the show's portrayal of Mormonism and Scientology in order to show how two religions that are totally invented (and in quite an obvious way) are not evaluated similarly.

Are you a Scientologist? Do I have it all wrong? Would you like to come on my blog and do a guest interview?

What do you think of Scientology? Do you know any Scientologists? Have you ever known anyone who converted to Scientology? Did that person change into someone you don't know any more?

Some day soon I'll tell you about my experiences in a London Scientology center.

In order to use a clip from "Grease" on TV, it has to be licensed first from Paramount and then a fee is negotiated with each of the actors. Pearl says Harpo skipped that crucial part.

He says when he asked for a reasonable fee from O's production company, Harpo Productions, for a clip that was on "Big Give," they scoffed -- and called his residuals "found money." Thing is, residuals are much more than "found money" for Barry -- it's his livelihood. So when he saw "Summer Nights" playing on a TV in John Travolta's episode of "Give" -- without his consent -- he asked O's company Harpo for $7,500 for himself and three other Greasers in the clip.

[caption id="attachment_181" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Uh oh, Harpo!!!"][/caption]

Harpo countered with $5K, and when he and his agent then countered again, Harpo low-balled him with a SAG-endorsed offer of just three times the weekly wage ... from 31 years ago, i.e, peanuts. They also told Barry to be happy with peanuts, because the cash was "found money." Pearl's lawyer is apparently ready to release the hounds!!!

Get ready O, this could get messy... i believe"Grease" is the word...

The jersey -- half red for the Chicago Bulls and half blue for the Washington Wizards -- was hung from the rafters, and Miami coach Pat Riley said no Heat player will wear the number again.

"In honor of your greatness and for all you've done for the game of basketball -- and not just the NBA, but for all the fans around the world -- we want to honor you tonight and hang your jersey, No. 23, from the rafters," Riley said at midcourt. "No one will ever wear No. 23 for the Miami Heat. You're the best." Jordan then hugged Riley and waved to the crowd.

It was the first jersey the Heat have retired in their 15-year history.

Jordan averaged 30.2 points on 51.5 percent shooting in 37 regular-season games against the Heat during his career. He was even better in the playoffs, averaging 34.2 points in 11 games. Before the ceremony, the Heat also played a highlight video of Jordan on the big screen. It was complete with high-flying, tongue-hanging dunks, ankle-breaking moves, shoulder shrugs, fist pumps and his trademark smile.

First, I'm not unsympathetic to Ayn Rand or her views. I'd love nothing more than a world in which merit matters and talent profits. I work my ass off every day, and it does bug me that I have to carry along those unwilling to do the same. But, let's be realistic. This is a political issue, not a cohesive philosophical position.

To the commenter who suggested I review Ayn Rand's epistemology, here's some advice: (i) look up "espistemology;" based on your comment, you don't know what it means; (ii) read Aristotle's Metaphysics (Rand just ripped it off) and (3) try to figure out how Rand would address perception.

Pardon the digression, but it was necessary. Ayn Rand does not present a philosophical system. Instead, she offers sentiments-- clearly based on her experiences in a communist country-- to make the wealthy, intelligent and ambitious (as well as those who believe they are) feel superior. They may very well be, but Rand's objective is to say to those who feel wronged by a society that takes, "It's okay to be pissed; they don't deserve it." This statement is true, but, again, it is not a philosphical platform.

Rand does a great job of conveying her ethic, but here's the problem: ethics, metaphysics and epistemology are interrelated. Take the philosophical discipline of ethics, which can be summarized with an answer to the question, "What is good/just?" It dosn't take long to see the implications, particularly as "What is real?" (i.e. metaphysics) must be addressed if we are to determine what is good. If we can't show how good exists, how can we define it? And, how do we know any of this? How can people know "good"? This is how epistemology comes into the picture. Rand addresses neither metaphysics nor epistemology satisfactorily. So, she is left with an ethical roof that has no house beneath it.

Also, Rand is a shitty novelist. It's brutal, but true. Her characters are two-dimensional and do not deal with the complex moral issues that people face in the real world. She contrives situations through which it is easy to deliver her moral message. In Atlas Shrugged, We the Living, The Fountainhead and Anthem, there is no shortage of outrage, but a dearth of subtlety. Further, have you ever read an 60-page monologue/rant? It's not terribly effective. Revealing her shortcomings as a novelist, the introduction of the "Who is John Galt?" catch-phrase is labored and never really gained credibility. John Travolta was more convincing with "up your nose with a rubber hose!"

Rand does fail to follow her own advice at times. She should "check her premises." Rand has Ragnar Danneskjold say that he doesn't interfere with the military, because they defend freedom. But, weren't they defending the "looters"? Also, in a truly Rand-ian society, wouldn't military protection be secured privately, as education (or any other public service) would be? Ayn, check your premises ...

But, I keep reading this stuff. There are several reasons. First, part of her message does resonate with me; I admit it freely. Her two-dimensional characters are easy to follow because they have all the depth of an Evan Stone character in a softcore porn flick. Finally, there is an element of Rand's storytelling that is like bad reality television. Remember Joe Millionaire? Yeah, I watched it.

What really bugs me about Objectivism, though, is Objectivists. The commenters on my blog appear to be completely incapable of original thinking. They parrot key lines from Rand's novels, but they don't explain why they believe it. Such people probably run around the streets of their suburbs asking people, "Who is John Galt?" I have never met an Objectivist who was more than an Ayn Rand parrot or a Howard Roark wannabe. So, I invite intelligent discussion on my blog. Those who foolishly repeat the words of their "prophet" will be mocked mercilessly and publicly.

Johnson will back up starter Jameer Nelson as he enters his 12th NBA season. He played in 69 games last season for the Atlanta Hawks and Sacramento Kings.

Johnson had a brief stint with Orlando in the 1999-2000 season, appearing in 18 games.

The 33-year-old guard has played with seven different teams, averaging 5.7 points and 2.9 assists.

I saw "Forbidden Kingdom" this weekend (a very  cheesy Kung Fu style movie) and everyone kept asking the protagonist, "How good is your Kung Fu?"  Because even a poet or an artist, drunk Jackie Chan reminds us, has 'Kung Fu'. 

Well, my Kung Fu was...uninspired.  I need a pick-me-up!  John Tavolta, if you please...

DeRozan, one of the top incoming freshman in the country, confirmed to FOXSports.com that he received a qualifying ACT score and will be eligible to play at USC this season.

"Yes, I am cleared," DeRozan said in a text message.

Just days after Jennings, who also hails from California, said he would opt to play professionally in Europe instead of attending Arizona this season, DeRozan received the news and is set to attend classes on Aug. 25 at USC.

With DeRozan, the Trojans could contend for what should be a wide-open Pac-10 title. Tim Floyd's group lost O.J. Mayo and Davon Jefferson from last year's team, but the athletic DeRozan could step in and fill the void left by Mayo.

USC returns three starters — Taj Gibson, Daniel Hackett and Dwight Lewis — and are also in the running to land North Carolina transfer Alex Stepheson.

DeRozan was Scout.com's No. 6 player in the Class of 2008. However, he played extremely well last week when he was one of about 25 college players invited to play at the LeBron James Skills Academy and could be the player with the greatest NBA potential in the entire class.

Both Demar DeRozan and Brandon Jennings almost couldn't pass their ACT and SAT don't you think something is wrong with that?

Dear John,

I have just seen “Staying Alive” the 1983 sequel to one of your best movies ever, “Saturday Night Fever” and all I have to say is…what are you doin’ Johnny? 

You romanced me with great hits like “Grease”, “Saturday Night Fever”, and “Urban Cowboy”.  I loved you when you were “The Boy in the Plastic Bubble” even though I couldn’t touch you or I would kill you.  I forgave you and cried for you in “Carrie”.  (What a whack job that one was.)  I didn’t think Vinnie Barbarino was stupid.  I never saw “Moment to Moment”.  I thought “Blow Out” was okay.  But this, “Staying Alive”, I can not and will not overlook.  My heart is broken and I blame Sylvester Stallone and Scientology.  Oh sure, our love would be rekindled many years later because of a little film called “Pulp Fiction”, but for now, it’s OVER!!!!!

I get the concept.  It’s been six years since "Saturday Night Fever" and Tony Manero has moved to Manhattan looking for his big break.  Tony is working as a dance instructor and a waiter.  Cynthia Rhodes stars as his girlfriend Jackie and he treats her like crap.  Hello?   Remember how bad he treated Annette??? 

So anyway, Tony lands a role in this musical production called “Satan’s Alley” starring Laura played by Finola Hughes.  (Remember her from General Hospital?  I think her name was Anna and she was married to Robert Scorpio?  Didn’t she have some sort of scar on her face that was fake and she pealed it off like one of those window cling thingies?  Is that right?  Any of it?  Someone please let me know.)  Laura’s character is just awful.  She reminds me of some snippy-snappy spoiled little British lap dog as she barks lines like “We met.  We made it.  What did you expect?  True love?  Everybawdy uses everybawdy .”  

 (Say that in your head in a British accent for the full dramatic effect.)

I think the name of the show, “Satan’s Alley”, is a bit ironic and yet very appropriate because after watching this movie I feel like I have been to Hell and back.  Also, I consider Satan to be none other than…Sylvester Stallone.  Why do I hate everyone’s favorite boxer you ask?  Let me break this down for you!   Because he directed, produced and wrote this piece of crap.  I don’t know why he wasn’t busy making Rocky 5,041 or something.  I personally think he saw you, John, as his competition and tried to KO you right out of the business.  

This is totally Sly’s film.  He even put his brother, Frank in it.  At least there’s no big, ole blonde Brigitte. He definitely influenced the fashions in this film-a whole lot of leather, fur and my favorite, shiny Lycra.  Sly himself even shows up in the movie in a big fur coat.  Puleez. 

Okay, so Tony and Laura have this supposed intense dancing chemistry.  Whatever.  So Tony decides he wants the lead role in the show and asks Jackie to help him.  So he steals the lead and becomes the star of the show.  Right.  This is sooo believable.  Tony “won-one-disco-contest” Manero from Brooklyn beats out classical trained dancer in less than five minutes. 

I will say this John, you have some funny lines.  Like when you are working as a waiter (you looked good by the way in your little tuxedo ensemble) and this girl keeps ordering all these drinks and she ask you “Do you know why I order so many drinks, Tony?” and you say “I dunno.  Maybe you’re an alcoholic.”  Heehee.  That’s funny.  Her response is “I just love to watch you walk, Tony.  I just love to watch you walk.”  Hmmmmm...That line sounds a little familiar.

Here is my favorite scene.  Let me break it down for you:

Right after Tony’s triumphant Broadway debut and he is leaving the cast party and Jackie asks where he’s going and he says “I want to strut.”  And he struts right out into Times Square to Staying Alive. 

That’s it.  The best part of this movie is the last minute.   Here it is:

 http://youtube.com/watch?v=rpbleJcIfZY&feature=related

So that’s what I want you to do John is just strut right out to the curb before I kick you there.  It’s over.  Done.  Keep going.  Don’t look back.  Don’t let the door hit you on your cute-little-Lee-jean-covered-ass.  Oh, uh, are you really going?  Oh, okay.  Good.  I’m soooo glad. 

Good riddance…

…so long loser

…bye, bye

…call me.

Love,

Your Hopelessly Devoted and Seriously Delusional and Somewhat Twisted Former #1 Fan 

Atlanta Hawks- Joe Johnson, Al Horford

Boston Celtics- Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Antonie Walker

Charlotte Bobcats- Emeka Okafor

Chicago Bulls- Derrick Rose, Luol Deng

Cleveland Cavaliers- Lebron James, Zydrunas Ilgauskas

Dallas Mavericks- Dirk Notwitzki, Steve Nash, Michael Finley

Denver Nuggets- Carmelo Anthony, Allen Iverson, Dikembe Mutombo

Detroit Pistons- Richard Hamilton, Chauncey Billups, Rasheed Wallace, Tayshaun Prince, Ben Wallace, Grant Hill

Golden State Warriors- Baron Davis, Monta Ellis

Houston Rockets- Yao Ming, Tracy Mcgrady, Steve Francis

Indiana Pacers- Jermaine O'Neal

LA Clippers- Elton Brand, Baron Davis, Eric Gordon

LA Lakers- Kobe Bryant, Shaq, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum

Memphis Grizzlies- Pau Gasol, OJ Mayo

Miami Heat- Dwyane Wade, Shaq, Alonzo Mourning, Michael Beasley

Milwaukee Bucks- Michael Redd

Minnesota Timberwolves- Kevin Garnett, Kevin Love

New Jersey Nets- Jason Kidd, Richard Jefferson

New Orleans Hornets- Chris Paul, Baron Davis

New York Knicks- Allan Houston, Latrell Sprewell

Orlando Magic- Dwight Howard, Shaq, Penny Hardaway

Philadelphia Sixers- Allen Iverson

Phoenix Suns- Steve Nash, Amare Stoudemire, Shawn Marion

Portland Blazers- Brandon Roy, Lamarcus Aldridge, Greg Oden

Sacramento Kings- Chris Webber, Mike Bibby, Peja Stojakovic, Vlade Divac, Doug Christie

San Antonio Spurs- Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Bruce Bowen

Seattle Supersonics/Oklahoma City- Gary Payton, Shawn Kemp, Kevin Durant, Ray Allen

Toronto Raptors- Vince Carter, Chris Bosh

Utah Jazz- Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer

Washington Wizards- Gilbert Arenas, Michael Jordan, Caron Butler, Antwan Jamison

• 9 - Bob Pettit, F, 1954-65 (1954-55 Milwaukee, 1955-65 St. Louis)
• 17 - Ted Turner, team owner, 1977-2004 (17 for his cable TV empire, which began with Atlanta's Channel 17, WTBS)
• 21 - Dominique Wilkins, F, 1983-94
• 23 - Lou Hudson, F, 1966-77 (1966-68 St. Louis)
• 40 - Jason Collier, F/C 2003-05

Boston Celtics

• 00 - Robert Parish, C, 1980-94
• 1 - Walter A. Brown, team founder-owner, 1946-64
• 2 - Red Auerbach, Head Coach, 1950-66; Executive, 1950-2006
• 3 - Dennis Johnson, G, 1983-90
• 6 - Bill Russell, C, 1956-69; Head Coach, 1966-69
• 10 - Jo Jo White, G, 1969-79
• 14 - Bob Cousy, G, 1950-63; Broadcaster
• 15 - Tom Heinsohn, F, 1956-65; Head Coach, 1969-78; Broadcaster
• 16 - Satch Sanders, F, 1960-73
• 17 - John Havlicek, F, 1962-78
• 18 - * Jim Loscutoff, F, 1955-64
• 18 - Dave Cowens, C, 1970-80; Head Coach, 1978-79
• 19 - Don Nelson, F, 1965-76
• 21 - Bill Sharman, G, 1951-61
• 22 - Ed Macauley, C, 1950-56
• 23 - Frank Ramsey, F, 1954-64
• 24 - Sam Jones, G, 1957-69
• 25 - K.C. Jones, G, 1958-67; Head Coach, 1983-88
• 31 - Cedric Maxwell, F, 1977-85
• 32 - Kevin McHale, F, 1980-93
• 33 - Larry Bird, F, 1979-92
• 35 - Reggie Lewis, G, 1987-93
• Microphone Johnny Most, Broadcaster, 1953-90

• Note: Loscutoff (#18) asked that his legacy be honored by allowing other Celtics to wear his number in the future. It was later retired in honor of Cowens. Loscutoff is represented by a square with the letters "LOSCY".

Charlotte Bobcats

• None

Chicago Bulls

• 4 - Jerry Sloan, G, 1966-76
• 10 - Bob Love, F, 1968-76
• 23 - Michael Jordan, G, 1984-93 & 1995-98
• 33 - Scottie Pippen, F, 1987-98, 2003-04
• Phil Jackson, Head Coach, 1989-98
• Jerry Krause, General Manager, 1985-2003

• Note: Jackson and Krause do not have actual numbers retired in their honor; rather, a pair of banners that hang from the rafters pay tribute to them.

Cleveland Cavaliers

• 7 - Bingo Smith, F, 1970-79
• 22 - Larry Nance, F, 1988-94
• 25 - Mark Price, G, 1986-95
• 34 - Austin Carr, G, 1971-80
• 42 - Nate Thurmond, C, 1975-77
• 43 - Brad Daugherty, C, 1986-94

Dallas Mavericks

• 15 - Brad Davis, G, 1980-92
• 22 - Rolando Blackman, G, 1981-92

Denver Nuggets

• 2 - Alex English, F, 1980-90
• 33 - David Thompson, F, 1975-82
• 40 - Byron Beck, C, 1967-77
• 44 - Dan Issel, C, 1975-85
• 432 - Doug Moe, Head Coach, 1981-90 (432 victories coaching the Nuggets)

Detroit Pistons

• 2 - Chuck Daly, Head Coach, 1983-92 (number represents the two NBA championship teams he coached)
• 4 - Joe Dumars, G, 1985-99; Team President, 2000-Present
• 11 - Isiah Thomas, G, 1981-94
• 15 - Vinnie Johnson, G, 1981-91
• 16 - Bob Lanier, C, 1970-81
• 21 - Dave Bing, G, 1966-75
• 40 - Bill Laimbeer, C, 1982-94
• William Davidson, Team owner since 1974. Banner raised to honor his 30+ years with the team.

Golden State Warriors

• 13 - Wilt Chamberlain, C, 1959-65 (1959-62 Philadelphia, 1962-65 San Francisco)
• 14 - Tom Meschery, F, 1961-71 (1961-62 Philadelphia, 1962-71 San Francisco)
• 16 - Al Attles, G, 1960-71 (1960-62 Philadelphia, 1962-71 San Francisco); Head Coach, 1970-83; also team executive
• 24 - Rick Barry, F, 1965-67 & 1972-78 (1965-67 San Francisco)
• 42 - Nate Thurmond, C, 1963-74 (1963-71 San Francisco)

Houston Rockets

• 22 - Clyde Drexler, G, 1995-98
• 23 - Calvin Murphy, G, 1970-83 (1970-71 San Diego); also Broadcaster
• 24 - Moses Malone, C, 1976-82
• 34 - Hakeem Olajuwon, C, 1984-2001
• 45 - Rudy Tomjanovich, F, 1970-81; Head Coach, 1991-2003
• CD - Carroll Dawson, Assistant Coach, 1980-1995; General Manager, 1995-2007

• Note: Dawson does not have an actual number retired in his honor; rather, a banner that hangs from the rafters with his initials to pay tribute to him for his 27 years of service to the team.

Indiana Pacers

• 30 - George McGinnis, F, 1971-75 & 1980-82
• 31 - Reggie Miller, G, 1987-2005
• 34 - Mel Daniels, C, 1968-74
• 35 - Roger Brown, F, 1967-74
• 529 - Bobby "Slick" Leonard, Head Coach, 1968-80 (number of career wins)

Los Angeles Clippers

• None

Los Angeles Lakers

• 13 - Wilt Chamberlain, C, 1968-73
• 22 - Elgin Baylor, F, 1958-71 (1958-59 Minneapolis)
• 25 - Gail Goodrich, G, 1965-68 & 1970-76
• 32 - Earvin Magic Johnson, G, 1979-91 & 1995-96; Head Coach 1994
• 33 - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, C, 1975-89
• 34 - Shaquille O'Neal Not yet retired, currently removed from circulation
• 42 - James Worthy, F, 1982-94
• 44 - Jerry West, G, 1960-74; Head Coach, 1976-79; General Manager, 1981-2002
• Microphone - Chick Hearn, Broadcaster, 1960-2002

• Honored Minneapolis Lakers: Next to their retired numbers, the Lakers have hung a banner with the names of six Hall-of-Famers who were instrumental to the franchise's success during its days in Minneapolis:
  • 17 - Jim Pollard, F, 1948-55
  • 19 - Vern Mikkelsen, F, 1949-59
  • 22 - Slater Martin, G, 1949-56
  • 34 - Clyde Lovellette, F-C, 1953-57
  • 99 - George Mikan, C, 1948-56 (did not play in 1954-55)
  • John Kundla, Coach, 1948-59
• Except for 22, which was retired for Baylor, these "honored numbers" are still available. 34 was issued to Shaquille O'Neal, and 17 was issued to Rick Fox and currently to Andrew Bynum.

Memphis Grizzlies

• None

Miami Heat

• 23 - Michael Jordan, G, Contributions

Milwaukee Bucks

• 1 - Oscar Robertson, G, 1970-74
• 2 - Junior Bridgeman, F, 1975-84 & 1986-87
• 4 - Sidney Moncrief, G, 1979-89
• 14 - Jon McGlocklin, G, 1968-76
• 16 - Bob Lanier, C, 1980-84
• 32 - Brian Winters, G, 1975-83
• 33 - Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, C, 1968-75

Minnesota Timberwolves

• 2 - Malik Sealy, F, 1999-2000

New Jersey Nets

• 3 - Drazen Petrovic, G, 1990-93
• 4 - Wendell Ladner, F, 1974-75 (New York)
• 23 - John Williamson, G, 1973-80 (1973-77 New York)
• 25 - Bill Melchionni, G, 1969-76 (New York)
• 32 - Julius Erving, F, 1973-76 (New York)
• 52 - Buck Williams, F, 1981-89

New Orleans Hornets

• 7 - Pete Maravich, G, (Never played for this franchise, played for the New Orleans Jazz 1974-79)
• 13 - Bobby Phills, G, 1997-2000

New York Knicks

• 10 - Walt Frazier, G, 1967-77; Broadcaster
• 12 - Dick Barnett, G, 1965-74
• 15 - Earl Monroe, G, 1972-80
• 15 - Dick McGuire, G, 1949-57; Head Coach, 1965-68; longtime Scouting Director
• 19 - Willis Reed, C, 1964-74; Head Coach, 1977-78
• 22 - Dave DeBusschere, F, 1969-74
• 24 - Bill Bradley, F, 1967-77
• 33 - Patrick Ewing, C, 1985-2000
• 613 - Red Holzman, Head Coach, 1967-77 & 1978-82 (won 613 games as Knicks coach)

Orlando Magic

• 6 - The Fans (Sixth Man)

Philadelphia 76ers

• 2 - Moses Malone, C, 1982-86 & 1993-94 (never officially retired, but taken out of circulation)
• 6 - Julius Erving, F, 1976-87
• 10 - Maurice Cheeks, G, 1978-89
• 13 - Wilt Chamberlain, C, 1965-68
• 15 - Hal Greer, G, 1958-73 (1958-64 Syracuse)
• 24 - Bobby Jones, F, 1978-86
• 32 - Billy Cunningham, F, 1965-72 & 1974-75; Head Coach, 1977-85
• 34 - Charles Barkley, F, 1984-92
• Microphone - Dave Zinkoff, public-address announcer, 1963-85 (also Philadelphia Warriors, 1946-62)

Phoenix Suns

• 5 - Dick Van Arsdale, G, 1968-77
• 6 - Walter Davis, G, 1977-88
• 7 - Kevin Johnson, G, 1988-2000
• 9 - Dan Majerle, F, 1988-95 & 2001-02
• 24 - Tom Chambers, F, 1988-93
• 33 - Alvan Adams, C, 1975-88
• 34 - Charles Barkley, F, 1992-96
• 42 - Connie Hawkins, F, 1969-73
• 44 - Paul Westphal, G, 1975-80 & 1983-84; Head Coach, 1992-96
• 832 - Cotton Fitzsimmons, Head Coach, 1970-72 & 1988-96 (number of NBA head coaching wins)
• Joe Proski (trainer)

Portland Trail Blazers

• 1 - Larry Weinberg, Team founder-owner, 1970-88
• 13 - Dave Twardzik, G, 1976-80
• 14 - Lionel Hollins, G, 1975-1980
• 15 - Larry Steele, G, 1971-80
• 20 - Maurice Lucas, F, 1976-80 & 1987-88
• 22 - Clyde Drexler, G, 1984-94
• 32 - Bill Walton, C, 1974-78
• 36 - Lloyd Neal, C, 1972-79
• 45 - Geoff Petrie, G, 1970-76
• 77 - Dr. Jack Ramsay, Head Coach, 1976-86 (number in honor of 1977 NBA Title)

Sacramento Kings

• 1 - Nate Archibald, G, 1970-76 (1970-72 Cincinnati, 1972-75 Kansas City-Omaha, 1975-76 Kansas City)
• 2 - Mitch Richmond, G, 1991-98
• 6 - The Fans of Sacramento (Sixth Man)
• 11 - Bob Davies, G, 1948-55 (Rochester)
• 12 - Maurice Stokes, F, 1955-58 (Cincinnati)
• 14 - Oscar Robertson, G, 1960-70 (Cincinnati)
• 27 - Jack Twyman, F, 1955-66 (1955-57 Rochester, 1957-66 Cincinnati)
• 44 - Sam Lacey, C, 1970-81 (1970-72 Cincinnati, 1972-75 Kansas City-Omaha, 1975-81 Kansas City)

San Antonio Spurs

• 00 - Johnny Moore, G, 1980-88 & 1989-90
• 6 - Avery Johnson, G, 1990-1993, 1994-2001
• 13 - James Silas, G, 1972-81 (1972-73 Dallas)
• 32 - Sean Elliott, F, 1989-1993, 1994-2001
• 44 - George Gervin, G, 1974-85
• 50 - David Robinson, C, 1989-2003

Seattle SuperSonics

• 1 - Gus Williams, G, 1977–1984
• 10 - Nate McMillan, G, 1986–1998; Head Coach, 2000–2005
• 19 - Lenny Wilkens, G, 1968–1972; Head Coach, 1969–1972 & 1977–1985
• 24 - Spencer Haywood, F, 1971–1975
• 32 - Fred Brown, G, 1971–1984
• 43 - Jack Sikma, C, 1977–1986
• Microphone Bob Blackburn, Broadcaster, 1967–1992

Toronto Raptors

• None

Utah Jazz

• 1 - Frank Layden, Head Coach, 1981-88
• 4 - Adrian Dantley, F, 1979-86
• 7 - Pete Maravich, G, 1974-79 (1974-79 New Orleans; played 17 games of the 1979-80 season after the team moved to Utah)
• 12 - John Stockton, G, 1984-2003
• 14 - Jeff Hornacek, G, 1994-2000
• 32 - Karl Malone, F, 1985-2003
• 35 - Darrell Griffith, G, 1980-91
• 53 - Mark Eaton, C, 1982-93

Washington Wizards

• 10 - Earl Monroe, G, 1967-71 (Baltimore)
• 11 - Elvin Hayes, F, 1972-81 (1972-73 Baltimore, 1973-74 Capital)
• 25 - Gus Johnson, F, 1963-72 (Baltimore)
• 41 - Wes Unseld, C, 1968-81 (1968-73 Baltimore, 1973-74 Capital); Head Coach, 1987-94

"I have a long history with EA SPORTS. I've been on the cover in France for five years straight and I've been playing NBA LIVE for as long as I've played basketball," said Parker. "It's a real honor for me as a European player to now be represented on the worldwide cover." View the video

This trade would be good for both teams. The Sixers get a shooter and the Lakers get some toughness and defense in the post.

1. Cleveland -- LeBron James, g-f, St. Vincent-St. Mary HS (Ohio)

2. Detroit (from Memphis) -- Darko Milicic, f, Hemofarm Vrsac (Serbia)

3. Denver -- Carmelo Anthony, f, Syracuse

4. Toronto -- Chris Bosh, f, Georgia Tech

5. Miami -- Dwyane Wade, g, Marquette

6. LA Clippers -- Chris Kaman, c, Central Michigan

7. Chicago -- Kirk Hinrich, g, Kansas

8. Milwaukee (from Atlanta) -- T.J. Ford, g, Texas

9. New York -- Mike Sweetney, f, Georgetown

10. Washington -- Jarvis Hayes, f, Georgia

11. Golden State -- Mickael Pietrus, g-f, Pau Orthez (France)

12. Seattle -- Nick Collison, f, Kansas

13. Memphis (from Houston) -- Marcus Banks, g, UNLV

Draft Redo.

1. Clev- Lebron James

2. Det- Chris Bosh (Remember the pistons needed a powerfoward and Rasheed Wallace wasn't there yet.)

3. Den- Carmelo Anthony

4. Tor- Dwyane Wade (The Raptors teams up Vince Carter with Wade.)

5. Mia- Darko Milicic (Remember Darko was really hyped up and he's a 7 footer too up much upside to pass up on. But Pat Riley gets screwed. )

6. LA- Chris Kaman

7. Chi- Kirk Hinrich

8. Mil- TJ Ford

9. NY-David West

10. Was-Josh Howard

11. GS- Leandro Barbosa

12. Sea- Boris Diaw

13. Mem- Kyle Korver

Knicks fans erupt with joy after the team took Maciej Lampe with the 30th pick. Projected as a lottery pick by some, N.Y. fans chanted Lampe's name before the team took Mike Sweetney at No. 9. (By Robert Deutsch, USA TODAY)

Serbian teenage star Darko Milicic has drawn comparisons to a young Kevin Garnett from his American teammates overseas. The Pistons are certainly hoping Milicic can live up to such lofty advance billing. (By Nebojsa Parausic, AP)

1.Sixers-Allen Iverson
2.Toronto Raptors-Marcus Camby
3.Vancouver Grizzlies-Shareef Abdur-Rahim
4.Milwaukee Bucks-Stephon Marbury
5.Minnesota T'Wolves-Ray Allen
6.Boston Celtics-Antoine Walker
7.LAC- Lorenzen Wright
8.New Jersey Nets-Kerry Kittles
9.Dallas Mavericks-Samaki Walker
10.Indiana Pacers-Eric Dampier
11.GS Warriors- Todd Fuller
12.Cleveland Cavaliers- Vitaly Potapenko
13.Charlotte Hornets-Kobe Bryant

1996 NBA draft redo.

1.Sixers- Kobe Bryant
2.Toronto Raptors- Allen Iverson
3.Vancouver Grizzlies-Steve Nash
4.Milwaukee Bucks-Ray Allen
5.Minnesota T'Wolves-Jermaine O'Neal
6.Boston Celtics-Stephon Marbury
7.LAC-Peja Stojakovic
8.New Jersey Nets-Marcus Camby
9.Dallas Mavericks-Antoine Walker
10.Indiana Pacers-Zydrunas Ilgauskas
11.GS Warriors- Shareef Abdur Rahim
12. Cleveland Cavaliers-Ben Wallace (Went undrafted in the 1996 NBA draft)

13. Charlotte Hornets- Derek Fisher

Note: In the 1997 Draft the Sixers almost won the lottery and would have drafted Tim Duncan. Imagine how many championships Tim Duncan and Kobe Bryant would have won? The Lakers Dynasty of Shaq and Kobe would have never happened with Kobe Bryant in Philadelphia. Instead the Sixers got the second pick which turned out to be Keith Van Horn.