Říkal jsem si: „Jak s ním bojovat?“. Po čokoládě jsem měl akorát o trošku lepší náladu, ale to bylo asi vše. Zacvičil jsem si. Říká se přeci, že je dobré ve stresovém období cvičit, nebo se alespoň trochu pohybovat. Opět nálada o kapku lepší, ale mysl nadále plná nepříjemných myšlenek a obav. „Nenaděláš nic“, říkal mi kamarád. Tak jsem se tedy stresoval dál. Stresové situace jsem překonal a šel dál.

Dál..
Překonal jsem jednu situaci, přišla druhá. „Ne, takhle se mi to nelíbí“, rozhodl jsem se s tím něco dělat. Popovídat si s někým mi nějak výrazně nepomůže. To jsem měl už vyzkoušené. Přišla spásná myšlenka. Jaká asi byla? Samozřejmě, že kostel, modlitba .. zkrátka s problémy především k Bohu. On mi s nimi pomůže. Když nepomůže, ukáže mi alespoň smysl mých problémů. Vyrazil jsem tedy do kostela...

Do chrámu Božího..
Chladná rukojeť kliky mi zchladila ruku na svou „kostelní“ teplotu. Zabral jsem a mohutné okované dveře se pootevřeli. Dýchl na mě chladný vzduch plný tajemství. Vešel jsem. Po pravé straně na zdi jsem našel nádobku se svěcenou vodou. Pokřižoval jsem se a zamířil uličkou mezi lavicemi dál. Došel jsem do středu kostela. Mé kroky zde utichly. Rozhlédl jsem se kolem. Andělíčci, obrazy a výzdoba. Působilo to na mě spíše jako naleštěné cetky než jako výzdoba.
Pohlédl jsem směrem k svatostánku. Určitý pocit respektu mě donutil pokleknout. Kdo je ten, komu byl postaven tenhle kostel? Stojím tu vlastně před absolutním vládcem, jen ho nevidím, ale on vidí mě. Pomalu jsem se zvednul a sedl si do lavice. Začal jsem modlitbou Otče nás.. Než jsem v duchu poříkal celou modlitbu, naplnil mě kostel svou atmosférou. Dech i tep se zpomalil. Připadal jsem si v tu chvilku jako v jiném světě. Přitom mě dělila pouhá zeď kostela od běžného ruchu města. Poprosil jsem o mojí životní situaci a její řešení. O mojí cestu dál. Aby řídil moji životní pouť a ne já. Neudělal jsem ze sebe loutku, ale nástroj. Zní to zvláštně, já vím. Výsledkem této prosby je pravděpodobně tenhle blog. Nic extrémního jako hlásání víry po ulicích měst a vnucování se. Zůstal jsem v kostele ještě po dobu mše svaté. Šel jsem samozřejmě i k sv. přijímání. Mše sv. skončila, kněz řekl: „Jděte v pokoji“ a já se dal na odchod. Vyšel jsem před hlavní vchod, nadechl se čerstvého vzduchu a připadal jsem si jako někdo, kdo má víc, než ostatní. Jasně, byl jsem u svatého přijímání, tak ještě aby ne! Byl jsem posilněn duchovně tak silnou hodnotou... Problémy zde pořád byly, ale já cítil kdo za mnou stojí. Bůh je mým ochráncem a vůdcem. Nějaký osud, štěstí nebo neštěstí na mě nemá absolutně vliv. Existuje jen co Bůh chce. Dopustí na mě, co uzná za vhodné. Když zemřu, zemřu pro něj.

Byl jsem klidný. Na tváři lehký úsměv a v duši pokoj. Nepotřeboval jsem mluvit s lidmi. Jen jsem šel po svých s očekáváním co bude dál..

Jelikož jste možná podle názvu článku čekali písničku Laurent Wolf feat. Eric Carter - No Stress, tak tady je:

[dailymotion id=k1FyJiKM19sSTFxfxh]

Now, about this love for LPs. I find there’s something strangely soothing in the sounds of the pops and crackles as the needle finds its way to the first song. Much of my early childhood was spent standing on tip-toe, sliding any one of my favorite records at the time (such as Thriller, Huey Lewis and the News’ Sports, or Urban Chipmunk) onto the turntable, setting the needle in the correct groove, and somehow avoiding scratching the record. After spending the ‘90s under a thick layer of dust, our turntable was repaired. Since then, my visits to my parents’ house usually involve about an hour of poring over my dad’s record collection, selecting an album I haven’t listened to before, and giving it a spin. As a result, my dad recently bequeathed his record collection to me. I don’t know whether he fully comprehends the enormity of his gesture. Every time I catch sight of his hundreds of records, my heartbeat quickens and I'm unable to tear myself away from them. He’s what most people would call an electronics geek (which is totally cool), so he’s ripping all of his records to mp3 format. I’m what most people would call a history geek (which might be considered slightly less cool), so I’m treasuring all of his smelly thirty- and forty-year-old records with their crazy cover and sleeve artwork.

I’m going to briefly interrupt my goofy little trip down memory lane by drawing your attention to the materials facet of the vinyl to cassette tape to CD to mp3 evolution. I’m also going to break one of my rules of research, the rule that states “Wikipedia is not a valid resource,” and direct you to some articles of interest on Wikipedia.

Records through the ages -- Cassette tape -- CD materials -- mp3

Anyway, I suppose what I’m trying to say is that without vinyl records, it wouldn’t have made sense for ELO to sing the vocoded words “please turn me over” at the end of 1977’s “Mr. Blue Sky” as a funny reminder for the listener to turn the record over. But without the updated materials technology, I’m sure I would have had to replace some of my favorite albums thanks to wearing out the record or cassette tape by playing it to death. Also, I’m very curious to see what engineers will think of next to improve upon current music technology. I can’t even begin to imagine it.

Le vicende del nostro eroe con la ventosa in testa dimostrano una cosa: anche il mestiere di chi cerca interferenze può essere fonte di spettacolo. Sicuramente è fonte di (rara) soddisfazione per noi quando arriviamo a risolvere qualche problema. Ma è un fatto che rimane molto privato, a conoscenza di pochi intimi. Il collega Mariano (vedi il suo commento), che lavora in un Ispettorato, si lamenta del fatto che nessuno sa che esistiamo, e quindi nessuno può apprezzare il nostro lavoro, anche se operiamo in un campo che richiede pur sempre una professionalità specifica, magari raggiunta solo con anni di esperienza, vista la latitanza della formazione.

Il problema della visibilità di questo (ex) Ministero, e soprattutto di quelli che operano sul territorio, è uno di quelli che ci portiamo dietro da sempre. In rari casi qui a Genova siamo riusciti a "bucare lo schermo", ma solo in occasione di operazioni in collaborazione con la Polizia Postale, che alla fine risulta essere la vera protagonista. Nell'ultimo servizio visto in TV (tg3 regionale), dedicato alla vicenda del sequestri dei telefonini contraffatti cinesi, la sovraimpressione con la qualifica del nostro funzionario non riusciva a stare nei limiti dello schermo TV: "Ministero dello Sviluppo Economico - Comun...." (vedi il post precedente). Nel servizio andato in onda sulle reti Mediaset, il Ministero era completamente scomparso ed era rimasta solo la Polizia.

Altri organi dello stato (come appunto la Postale) sono molto più abili e organizzati nel catturare l'attenzione dei media, oltre ad avere una fama legata a temi che bene o male continuano ad essere sulla bocca di tutti (internet, pedofilia, pirateria, contraffazione, ecc.) . Il risultato è che a nessuno verrebbe in mente di cancellare la Polizia Postale, mentre a cancellare gli Ispettorati basterebbe un attimo, e chi se ne accorgerebbe (a parte noi, è ovvio...)?

Il caso Capitan Ventosa, però, a mio parere  è nato grazie ad un vuoto lasciato da qualche parte: forse qualche caso di protesta di cittadini esasperati ce lo siamo lasciati sfuggire, magari per questioni burocratiche, di "competenza", o forse perchè lo abbiamo sottovalutato. E' lì che l'occhio di "Striscia", con tutte le sue pretese di "giustiziere del popolo", si butta a capofitto e crea "il caso".

Mancano sicuramente iniziative di comunicazione e informazione efficaci nei confronti dei cittadini, ma poi dobbiamo essere certi di poter intervenire, rapidamente ed efficacemente, nell'ottica di risolvere i problemi. Altrimenti, Capitan Ventosa avrà sempre il suo attimo di gloria.

Un'ultima provocazione: perchè non proporre al nostro eroe di portarsi dietro un nostro collega, invece di un noto tecnico dell'emittenza radio-TV? Visibilità garantita, conflitto di interessi probabilmente anche...

E noi, cosa dovremmo dire?  Chiunque lavori negli Ispettorati e abbia a che fare con il mondo esterno, sa che c'è ancora gente che ci chiama "Escopost". Già è un problema far capire chi siamo ai malcapitati che non hanno mai sentito parlare di noi, e in più i continui cambi di nome hanno reso l'impresa disperata: Circolo Costruzioni T.T., Ministero delle Poste e telecomunicazioni, Uffici circoscrizionali, Ministero delle Comunicazioni, Ispettorati territoriali... e adesso? "Buongiorno, siamo del Ministero dello Sviluppo Economico (trattino) Comunicazioni (virgola) Ispettorato territoriale...."

Patrně si toho vůbec nebyl vědom, nebo tomu aspoň nedokázal zabránit. Nenapadla mě žádná kritická myšlenka, ale čím víc jsem se to snažil ignorovat, tím to bylo protivnější. Mlaskání bylo zcela zřetelné a pravidelné, snad dvakrát do minuty nebo i častěji. Mše se mi začala zdát hrozně dlouhá.

Pak mi ale postupně prošly hlavou tyto tři úvahy:

1. Tohle jsem já, takto budu jednou vypadat. Také budu starý a budu mít kdovíjaký tik a potíž. A ostatní mě budou muset snášet a možná to pro ně bude velice těžké.

2. Tohle jsem já, takto vypadám dnes. Když jsme mši s dětmi, nedokáží tiše sedět a jejich neustálé poposedávání, pošťuchování a šeptání v kostele ruší. Ostatní lidé to musí snášet a někdy to pro ně může být těžké.

3. Ten pán je možná svatý.

Největším duchovním autorem a církevním reformátorem dvanáctého století byl bezpochyby svatý Bernard z Clairvaux. Měl zásadní podíl na rozmachu cisterciáckého řádu, který byl nejdynamičtějším řádem benediktinské řehole v dějinách. Kromě toho ale sv. Bernard ovlivnil v tehdejším křesťanstvu prakticky všechno - mariánskou úctou počínaje a křížovými výpravami konče. Mimo jiné napsal řeholi pro templáře a byl strůjcem jejich prvotní oslnivé popularity. Jeho spisy jsou nádhernou literaturou a také patrně tou nejvyšší mystikou celých dějin církve.

A jak souvisí sv. Bernard se zasloužilým věřícím, kterého jsem potkal?

Inu, sv. Bernard si svými extrémními půsty přivodil zažívací potíže. Hrozné. Působil díky nim tak odpudivě, že spolubratři z jeho kláštera nevydrželi v jeho blízkosti. Přestože cisterciáci spali a jedli společně, ne tak svatý Bernard. Musel mít oddělenou celu (pokoj) a v kostele měl oddělené a speciálně upravené místo v chóru, aby byl ostatním méně na obtíž.

Mše svatá musí být někdy trochu namáhavá, abychom pocítili zlomeček té strašné námahy první mše - Kristovy poslední večeře a jeho utrpení na Golgotě. Když spolu s knězem duchovně přinášíme k oltáři všechny námahy a starosti všedního dne, jsme jako Šimon z Kyrény, který Kristu pomáhal nést kříž.

Tohle je skutečná aktivní účast na mši - nejde o to, že občas odpovíme knězi, zpíváme, stoupneme si, klekneme apod. To všechno je důležité, ale jak každý věřící dobře ví - můžeme to dělat dokonale pasívně. Často děláme.

Podstatné je vnitřně se ztotožnit s veškerým děním mše svaté a být přítomen vnitřně, rozjímáním a spoluprožíváním. Malinký "kamínek v botě", jakým je vyrušující soused, nám v tom paradoxně může pomoci. Mše pak není obyčejnou relaxací, ale stane se osobnější, namáhavější a plodnější modlitbou.

To všechno ovšem neznamená, že nemusíme být ohleduplní. :-)

Kongregace pro liturgii a svátosti ve Vatikánu schválila změny v misále používaného ve Spojených Státech. Podle Osservatore romano se jedná pouze o malé a nepodstatné změny, které by měly být věřícími jednoduše akceptovány. Prezident Kongregace pro liturgii a svátosti biskupské konference v USA, biskup Arthur Joseph Serratelli, dodal, že se jde pouze o jakési „vybroušení jazyka“, tedy o srozumitelnější teologickou mluvu. „Odpovědi věřících byly pozměněny jen velmi málo a myslím, že již napoprvé či napodruhé si jen ztěží uvědomí nějaký rozdíl.“ Schválené změny se týkají překladu obřadů pokání, Gloria, Kréda, eucharistických modliteb a aklamací, modlitby Otče Náš a dalších modliteb a odpovědí používaných denně v průběhu liturgie. Schválené změny budou aplikovány až za dva roky, po odsouhlasení změn liturgické hudby a katecheze.

Podle Catholic World News vyjádřila Kongregace nad dosažením tohoto bodu "nemalé uspokojení". Není divu, anglický překlad textů mše svaté používaný v USA patří k nejdůležitějším a zároveň k nejhorším na světě.

Na blogu First things uvedla Amanda Shaw několik podrobností:

Mea maxima culpa

Ještě více najdeme na blogu Taylora Marshalla, který býval episkopálním (anglikánským) knězem a dnes je katolickým laikem:

New Translation of Holy Mass in English

Podívejme se na některé změny anglického překladu, které jsou zmiňovány v obou blozích (nejsou to zdaleka všechny, ale snad ty nejdůležitější). Mé komentáře jsou modré. Žel nemám po ruce anglický misál, tj. někde neuvedu, jak to je dnes.

• Začátek Nicejsko-Cařihradského kréda (to je vyznání víry, které shrnuje katolickou nauku a recituje se pouze na tzv. "slavných" mších v neděli a nemusí zaznít na mši ve všední den) se mění z "We believe", "Věříme" na "I believe", "Věřím".
  • Zde je v české verzi správně: "Věřím..."

• Kdykoliv kněz říká "The Lord be with you", tedy "Pán s vámi", lid v nové verzi odpovídá "And with your spirit", tedy "I s duchem tvým". Ve staré odpovídal "And also with you", "A také s tebou".
  • "S duchem tvým" je doslovný překlad z latiny. Česká verze se velmi podobá té původní anglické, říkáme "I s tebou."

• Když se v první formě kajícího ritu lidé vyznávají ze svých hříchů, říkají v novém překladu "I have greatly sinned ... through my fault, through my fault, through most grievous fault", tedy "Velmi jsem zhřešil... svojí vinou, svojí vinou, svojí nejtěžší vinou." Dosud říkali "I have sinned through my own fault", "Zhřešil jsem vlastní vinou."
  • V latinském originálu se říká "mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa", tedy "má vina, má vina, má největší vina". Naprostá většina národních překladů toto trojí opakování zachovala, včetně např. slovenské verze, zatímco anglický překlad zkrátil text radikálně - opakování zcela vynechal - a ten český stojí někde mezi - říkáme "je to má vina, má veliká vina". Tato nepřesnost mě na české verzi mrzí nejvíce - při každé mši si to uvědomím. Věřící se při vyslovování těchto slov symbolicky bijí pěstí do prsou a je zřejmé, že trojí úder do prsou hraje při mši významnou psychologickou roli. Zatímco se však většina světových katolíků tluče do prsou třikrát, Čechům to stačí dvakrát a Američanům jen jednou. Asi méně hřešíme.

• Odpověď na knězova slova "Ecce Agnus Dei", "Hle, Beránek Boží" je nově "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed.", tedy "Pane, nejsem hoden, abys vešel pod moji střechu, ale řekni jen slovo a má duše bude uzdravena."
  • Opět, nový překlad je přesný převod z latiny, která je opět přesným překladem řeckého textu v Evangeliu. Obdobně je to ve slovenštině. Nemám po ruce starý anglický text, ale několikrát jsem na anglické mši byl a matně si vzpomínám, že říkají přibližně "Pane, nejsem hoden, abys ke mně přišel, ale řekni jen slovo a budu uzdraven." Česky říkáme "Pane, nejsem hoden, abys ke mně přišel, ale řekni jen slovo a má duše bude uzdravena." Jsme tedy blíže originálu, než Američani, ale proč vynecháváme biblická slova římského setníka "pod moji střechu", se mi těžko chápe. Oprava 27. 8. 2008: Česky říkáme "nezasloužím si", ne "nejsem hoden", jak jsem omylem napsal. A to proto, aby se nemuselo přechylovat.

• Kdekoliv se v novém překladu mluví o Církvi, používá se ženský rod "she", "her", tedy "ona", "jí" apod. Dosud se pro Církev používal rod střední - "it", "to".
  • Tento problém naštěstí v češtině nastat nemůže. (Doplnění 24. 8. 2008: V angličtině se slovo church používá pro kostel a pro církev. Kostel je vždy středního rodu, ale církev může být rodu středního nebo ženského. První varianta je všední a používá se pro církev jakožto instituci. Ženský rod označuje církev jako personalizovanou skutečnost, která má duši - je to varianta poetická a mystická.)

• V nejdůležitější části mše, při proměňování, říká kněz o Kristově krvi, že je "poured out for you and for many", tedy "vylita za vás a za mnohé". Dosud bylo "za vás a za všechny".
  • Nová verze je přesný překlad latinského "qui pro vobis et pro multis effundetur". V češtině máme "za všechny" stejně jako v angličtině a v mnoha národních verzích, byť ne ve všech. Z čistě jazykového hlediska je to nepochybně špatně, nicméně teologicky jsou patrně obě verze víceméně zaměnitelné a znamenají "za všechny", ovšem s odlišnými důrazy. Osobně tuto chybu nepovažuji za mimořádně závažnou, nicméně chyba to je - nebyl důvod provádět "kreativní překlad" a pomocí překladu posouvat bezprostřední význam textu.

To jako ukázka zcela stačí.

Je zřejmé, že nová verze anglického misálu věrněji odpovídá latinskému originálu. Není divu - je odpovědí na římskou směrnici Liturgiam authenticam, která vyšla roku 2001 (a byla tedy schválena ještě Janem Pavlem II.) a požaduje zpřesnění a tudíž také vzájemné přiblížení národních verzí mše.

Nabízí se tedy otázka: Bude také nový český překlad mešních textů?

Povídá se, že ano. Údajně na něm pracuje komise překladatelů pod vedením otce ThDr. Benedikta Mohelníka OP, provinciála českých dominikánů. 

Vidím to jako obecně velmi dobrý krok a na opravený překlad se těším.

Údajně byl ale zvolen jiný přístup, než v Americe - nedělají se drobné změny ve stávajícím překladu, ale vytváří se překlad zcela nový.

Pokud tomu tak je, lze se obávat nemalých problémů při zavádění nového překladu, které by teoreticky mohly jeho zavedení velice zpomalit nebo i zablokovat. Všichni věřící i kněží se totiž budou muset přeučit všechny texty - a stěží může nevzniknout určitý chaos, v hlavách i v kostelích.

Jak často dodávám: Rád bych se mýlil. :-)

Ale je zde ještě jedna stránka věci. Současný text české liturgie je na řadě míst nepřesný, avšak je jazykově kvalitní a hezký, místy krásný. Určitě je možné udělat nový překlad tak, aby byl esteticky na nejméně stejné úrovni a přitom přesnější. Ale bude to těžké a nemusí se to podařit.

Bylo by smutné, kdyby byl nový překlad přesnější, ovšem na úkor slovesné krásy.

Pokud mám špatné informace, opravte mě prosím v diskusi pod článkem.

Následující film zachycuje starobylou, tzv. "tridentskou", liturgii z velikonoční neděle. Tato varianta římského ritu se dnes nazývá "mimořádná forma" a je stále sloužena v některých katolických kostelích a dokonce se pomalu dostává opět do módy. Je ovšem stále vzácná a potkáte ji zřídka. I já - člověk, který od své konverze poznal pouze novou, tedy "řádnou" formu římského ritu a je s ní zcela spokojen - se u tohoto videa stěží ubráním pocitu dojetí a povznesení. Tato varianta mše, někdy hanlivě nazývaná "předkoncilní", je nepochybně krásná a vznešená.

Necelou hodinu trvající film je procházka mší svatou s anglickým komentářem.

DESIGN ADHESIVES are a little like rub ons, you place them where you want them and rub them on, but what you get when you peel away the backing, is a design in adhesive. it's sticky so you can add glitter, embossing powder, pearl-ex, flocking, microbeads, etc. the new GLITTERS work wonderfully with the design adhesives! they are super fine and have a brilliant shine! you can also cut the design adhesives apart and place the pieces where you want them, or put one element down at a time to easily layer on colors.

i've made 2 wedding cards using the new products. i used a fancy scroll pattern with metallic papers and glitters on one, and the other card is more casual with hearts and pink and blue papers and embossing powders. the directions and supplies for both cards are given. (and yes, i KNOW that number 8 in the directions for the mr & mrs card is showing up as a smiley face! i have NO idea why though! LOL!)

"best wishes" card

supplies:

Clearsnap: Design Adhesives - ornate border, Glitter - fool's gold, silver lining and winter frost and Top Boss - white embossing powder 

Prism: metallic cardstock - bronze and gold leaf and prismatics - suede brown

Sakura: Quickie Glue

directions:

1) cut a 7" X 7 1/2" piece of bronze cardstock and fold in half lengthwise to make card.

2) cut a 3 3/8" X 7 3/8" piece of brown cardstock and adhere to center front of card.

3) cut a 2" X 7" piece of gold cardstock and adhere DESIGN ADHESIVES to it.

4) working carefully, apply WHITE FROST GLITTER to the heart designs in the border, only use a small amount of glitter, and press lightly. flip quickly upside down and tap off excess glitter.

5) apply FOOL'S GOLD glitter to the thicker part of the scroll pattern.

flip over quickly and tap to remove excess glitter

6) apply SILVER LINING glitter to the rest of the design; flip and tap to remove excess glitter.

"mr & mrs" card

supplies:

directions:

[caption id="attachment_259" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="tinted embossing pad makes it easy to see where you are applying it"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_253" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="stamped strip & my sentiments exactly stamps"][/caption]

 7) cut 2 hearts from dancing hearts DESIGN ADHESIVE strip. cut centers patterns from hearts.

[caption id="attachment_247" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="embossed hearts"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_248" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="center designs applied"][/caption]

I broke another abrasive wheel this afternoon. This brings the count up to four for the summer. At least my success rate on the cut-off saw is getting better – that day when I broke two wheels in the process of making one cut was pretty pathetic. And last summer, if I got to each Thursday having broken only four abrasive wheels that week, I was pretty pumped. Apparently, engineers take one look at me and decide that I’m fully capable of cutting through something as impossible to clamp as a ball bearing – or maybe they can just see that I’m gullible enough to try.

Also, I did a little microhardness testing this morning. Nothing takes me back to my first few weeks on the job last summer quite like microhardness testing. I sat in front of that machine for days upon days, repeatedly indenting the surface of each sample and then measuring each indent, over and over again. People passed by unnoticed, unless they disrupted my hardness-testing-induced coma by wondering aloud how I could stand to do something so boring for so many hours straight.

My customary response to questions regarding my high threshold for boring activities involves gesturing toward my brain and saying, “Dude, it’s a party in here!” Sometimes, though, that only invites further inquiries concerning the content of the party, and at this point, the party begins to feel as though someone ripped the record right off the turntable.

“So what are you daydreaming about?” the party-crasher asks.

I wait a beat and reply, with a straight face, “Investments.”

That usually moves them along.

Watts Hall, where the MSE department is headquartered, is a bit of a crusty old building. There are routine e-mails sent out to the department updating us on the status of perpetual problems such as our rarely-functioning elevators, the wonky heating and cooling system, and occasionally unexpected events such as second floor floods. There’s a group that’s left off the e-mail list, though, even though they’re as much a part of the MSE department as Professor Dregia or even Gary in the foundry. This group is our resident posse of cockroaches.

Before you get weak-kneed at the thought of having to put up with cockroaches as study buddies, let it be said that I was unaware of the problem until this past fall quarter when I happened to be running up the Watts-MacQuigg stairwell to class and found one, belly-up, on the landing of the third floor. Shortly after, I ran into the TA for the class and mentioned the disgusting beached roach, and he seemed rather indifferent about the news. Apparently, the roaches are the rebellious teenagers of the MSE family, throwing wild parties on the weekends while feasting on the leftovers from Doughnut Fridays [See that, prospective students? We have doughnuts every Friday!] and then passing out in the stairwells, hung-over from all of the sugar.

So why am I writing about this now? Because even GE has cockroaches, albeit much bolder cockroaches than those from Watts.

About a month ago, as I was walking down the main hallway in the building that houses the majority of the materials labs, I noticed a dark leaf blowing haphazardly across the hall. In my sleep-deprived state, I somehow put two and two together and realized that this could not be a leaf, as: a) it was not yet autumn, and b) there is no breeze in Building 500. I took a closer look and sure enough, it was a roach, drunkenly weaving its way across the hall. For a moment I considered poking my head into the adjacent office of my section leader from last summer to request her intervention, but quickly realized that the interruption would most likely not be appreciated. Plus, her shoes were probably as worthless at stomping on roaches as mine were (this was during the pre-steel toe era). As a result, I turned and ran away from the bug as fast as possible.

Earlier this week, I was participating in a few rounds of interviews for a potential position at GE. After my first interview, I exited the room only to be met by a cockroach that was repeatedly running into the wall. I turned on my heel, thinking that my interviewer might have a solution for this little mixed-up fellow, maybe in the form of a crushing blow to the head, but thought better of it. I could imagine the last line of his notes from my interview: “Caitlin seems to be unwilling to assume responsibility for solving problems of the cockroach variety. She would not be well-suited for work at any of our older, crustier facilities.”

Yesterday, after turning in my timecard, I walked down the dark, barren hallway of the basement of the building in which I work. As I neared the door to exit the building into the beautiful light of day, something familiar caught my eye. It was the same shade of brown as the floor, but it wasn’t moving. Crouching down to get a better look, I greeted the belly-up cockroach. “Hey, little guy!” I said. He didn’t respond.

Perhaps there is a Doughnut Friday at GE that I haven’t yet heard about.

As my (first) senior year wound to a close, I frantically tried to find a job and/or graduate program. I was beginning to worry about saving up to weatherproof the cardboard box I’d be living in as a result of receiving a liberal arts degree without formulating a Plan B.

At most job interviews, I was told that I was overqualified for the position for which I’d applied. There wasn’t much I could do to lessen the truth to these complaints. Offer to erase my bachelor’s degree from my resume? Pretend that my brain waves were in a constant flatline?

At one point, while interviewing with an HR representative at a large, well-respected company, I became completely disillusioned by the job prospects created by my history degree. The HR rep scanned my resume, then asked, “Is Phi Beta Kappa the sorority you were in?” My face fell.

“No…it’s actually a pretty prestigious honor society,” I answered quietly. I’d never thought of people like Francis Ford Coppola, John Updike, and Peyton Manning as my sorority sisters, but it created an amusing image in my mind. The interviewer was considerably more impressed by my ability to type 70 words per minute with 100% accuracy. (Thanks for all those piano lessons, Mom and Dad!) I could tell that this company was not going to be a good fit.

Following the demoralizing experience of interviewing for jobs that valued the speed of my fingers over the intellectual power I had to offer (and being denied offers for those positions), I was grateful to have been hired at the advertising firm. I had a steady income, health insurance, and plenty of time to run and read. However, as time wore on, I could feel my brain gradually decomposing, and I knew I had to do something about it – and quickly – or I might never be able to salvage the magnificent brain power of my youth.

After doing some online research and comparing engineering programs at Ohio State, I’d settled on Materials Science and Engineering, the “liberal arts degree” of the College of Engineering. Just as everything has a history (well, except for people like Jason Bourne and Remington Steele), everything physical involves some facet of materials science. The way I saw it, as long as the world remained three dimensional, my future materials science knowledge would be invaluable!

While on my lunch break one day, I sneaked into an abandoned office at work and called the MSE department. I requested that the undergraduate advisor re-enroll me at the university and sheepishly admitted to already having a history degree. The greatest part about already having a degree is that I haven’t had to take any more GECs, even though my advisor likes to tease me by warning that she might not be able to petition my GEC history sequence credits and that as a result, I might have to take another history class. (Fifty credit hours of history were enough, thank you.) Also, it’s taking me only three years to complete, and that’s including two internships.

How much do I like this new career path? So far, it’s agreeing with me. I’m happy that MSE allows for such a wide variety of possible industries in which to work. My interests are always evolving, so it’s appealing to have the flexibility to follow those interests without having to return to school every time they change in order to be employable. Maybe I’ll work in aviation following graduation. Perhaps a few years later I’ll help develop better running shoes or high-tech wicking fabric for exercise apparel. Eventually I’d love to contribute to the development of improved joint replacements and treatments for arthritis. (Warning: recruitspeak ahead!) With MSE at OSU, the possibilities are endless.

Ebbene, sta ancora al Consiglio di Stato. O meglio, è stato prontamente rimandato al mittente per una revisione, dato che il Consiglio non è stato in grado di esprimere nessun parere. Numerosi gli appunti mossi alla bozza di Decreto, tra i quali spicca la famosa questione della "sparizione" dell'Istituto Superiore e delle competenze sull'inquinamento elettromagnetico. Per approfondimenti, leggere la relazione cds_200802571_c_in_24-07-2008. Per inciso, il Consiglio si occuperà di nuovo della questione nella seduta del 28 di agosto. Nel frattempo tutti i soggetti potenzialmente in grado di intervenire nella riscrittura della bozza (sindacati, ecc.) sono invitati a farlo!

I haven’t always been on track to become an engineer. I initially enrolled at Ohio State back in 2000 with the intention of double majoring in English and Computer Science, two of my favorite classes in high school. My advisor mentioned in passing that “everyone wanted to be in the creative writing program,” and if there’s one thing that I don’t like doing, it’d be what everyone else is doing. I took a variety of unusual humanities classes during my first year to see what sort of stuff was out there, and I happened to take a history class with Prof. Saul Cornell. The rest, as they say, is history. Prof. Cornell and Prof. Alan Beyerchen must share the blame for making me fall in love with history – I encourage anyone needing to take a history class to sign up with one of these professors. They make history so much more fun and interesting than it ever was in high school (at least for me). By the beginning of my sophomore year, I’d changed my major to history, picked up another language (German, in addition to my high school Spanish), and made plans to attend graduate school to become a cool history professor.

And then, two years later, I realized that I didn’t really want to be a history professor.

Since I hadn’t really entertained the possibility of not becoming a history professor, my very loosely constructed Plan B consisted of possibly pursuing: a) an MBA, b) an MA in English, or c) a degree in exercise physiology. (Clearly I like to cover all of my bases.) After graduation, I worked in accounting at a print advertising firm with the hope that it might recreate sparks between me and one of my great loves, math, and provide me with the cosmic sign I needed to push me on to my next degree. Accounting, as it turned out, was not the kind of math I loved. One of the best aspects of this job was the opportunity I had to talk with people from all over the country. One of the most annoying aspects of this job is the fact that I cannot get rid of my gift for recalling the names of the newspapers with which I worked closely, although this talent does make for a fun party trick. If you’re lucky, I can even spit out the name of the ad rep with whom I usually spoke as well. Sue at the Plattsburgh (NY) Press-Republican? We talked every other week. Marianne and Doug at the Walla Walla (WA) Union-Bulletin? I think they found my persistent calling annoying. And Spirit at Spilyay Tymoo in Warm Springs, Oregon? He was awesome. We always joked about the lack of exciting events going on in our respective locations. (I remember reading about the arrival of the reservation’s first and only snow plow on Spilyay’s front page.) Anyway, I get very excited when I can’t remember newspaper names, because that means that there’s more room in my brain for important engineering knowledge. Now if I could just do something about clearing out some of those useless song lyrics from the past few decades…

So how did this impostor finally settle on Materials Science and Engineering? And how much does she really like her new career path? Stay tuned for the continuing tale of ...the Impostor Engineer!

"Sweet corn was our family's weakness. We were prepared to resist atheistic communism, immoral Hollywood, hard liquor, gambling and dancing, smoking, fornication, but if Satan had come around with sweet corn we at least would have listened to what he had to sell." ~ Garrison Keillor

In my opinion, one of the best parts of summer is enjoying a plate full of fresh sweet corn. My obsession with sweet corn may come as a result of genetics, as I come from a long line of sweet corn aficionados, or maybe it's because I’m a Midwestern girl through and through. Either way, sweet corn season is in full swing, and with that comes a vague lesson in fracture mechanics.

Here you can see that a crack at or exceeding a critical length is created with a knife.

When stresses of a sufficient magnitude are applied to each end of the ear, the crack propagates and voila! You have ears of corn that will fit into your pot of boiling water.

Perhaps you’d rather be crunching numbers than munching on sweet corn. Here’s a lovely little equation to get you started:

I’m not too sure of the shape factor (Y) of sweet corn. Maybe one of the MSE professors can help us out with this?

You'll have to excuse me -- I have some sweet corn to eat.

I found it amusing, and I was actually quite grateful, on my first day this summer when I discovered that half of my group is named Mike. I’m terrible at matching names to faces, so this situation has made my odds of getting people’s names right way better than usual. In my mind, I declare people either “Mike,” or “Not Mike,” with startling accuracy. It’s gotten to the point where now, I have a hard time remembering female engineers’ names (which used to be so easy, since there are so few of us), but when I’m introduced to a male engineer, more often than not, his name is Mike. Just today I met a new Mike. Last week I got to check out some hardware on the shop floor with another Mike (who I refer to as “Design Mike” in order to differentiate him from “Manager Mike,” “Old Mike,” “Young Mike,” “Banana Mike,” and “Last Summer Mike”).

This morning, I was sitting in on a meeting with Young Mike, and I happened to glance up at the wall of the conference room at one point to see Prof. Williams watching me from within a picture frame. Prof. “Not Mike” Williams is a bit of a legend in the materials department at GE – as soon as someone hears I’m from Ohio State, they gush with (well-deserved) praise for him and usually a fair amount of ribbing. He used to be a GM there, and from what I gather, he was pretty well liked!

Last Friday, when Design Mike invited me along for a meeting and side-trip to see some disassembled engines on the shop floor, I’m afraid I may have leapt to my feet before he could even get the words “shop floor” out. (Any invitation away from estimating volume fraction via grid-counting would have probably elicited the same response.) I got to see an assembled section of an engine for which I’ve been doing some work on much smaller parts, which is always cool. Plus, I love the shop floor. Love it, love it, love it.

I find it awkward during these internships, however, to find a good balance between working on things with which one is familiar and learning about something completely new and sometimes beyond the scope of one’s base knowledge. Last summer, I’d asked Last Summer Mike to go a bit more in depth on a project I’d been working on for him. He prefaced his explanation with the disclaimer, “Where would you like me to start? I don’t want to talk down to you…” to which I replied, “I don’t mind if you talk down to me. I don’t know anything, so I’m okay with that.” He laughed. I think it’s good to enter into a learning experience like these internships with one’s pride tucked away from time to time. I won’t be insulted if people have to spell some things out for me in basic terms, because I know that the reason I returned to GE is because I have so much to learn.

first, i played with their vellums, they are a nice weight and a VERY crisp! the colors were nice and rich too. i made 2 cards...

the "thanks" card was made by folding a torn piece of vellum into the shape of a flower. then i used other small torn pieces to make the center of the flower, the stem and the leaves.

the "congrats" card was made by stamping a scroll pattern on a piece of vellum, then cutting it apart to make the strips at the top and bottom of the card. i used thin strips of black cardstock to add definition and make the hot pink of the vellum POP! rub on letters were used for the sentiment.

--- stamps are from My Sentiments Exactly and the ink is from Clearsnap (ColorBox chalk ink) and the rub ons are by Reminisce.

next, i tried out some Funky Film! these fun papers are HOLOGRAPHIC! i am redecorating my 6 year old son's room - he wants a Spiderman theme - so i thought i'd make a "C" and a door hanger for his door in colors to match. the film is easy to use, you can cut it with a paper trimmer, and it's adhesive backed, so you just peel and stick it. i think it would be great for covering notebooks, frames, etc.

 
i painted the door hanger and letter black using acrylic paint, then added a coat of expresso dimensional pearls to get a silvery-dark grey color. next was the easy part, i just cut strips of aqua and red funky film in a variety of widths and stuck them on in no particular order or pattern. then i turned the pieces over and trimmed off any excess film using an exacto. some punched silver stars added the finishing touch.

--- acrylic paint by making memories, dimensional pearls from ranger and wood door hanger and paper mache letter from Hobby Lobby.

then, i tried out the Metallic Foil - if you like BLING - you'll love this stuff! it's a little heavier than cardstock and you can diecut it or cut it by hand to any shape you wish. i used both techniques on these cards...

 

  
to make the monogram card, i diecut a "t" from the center of a piece of black cardstock. then i mounted the cardstock on a piece of silver metallic foil. next i rolled on the scroll design using the new Get Rollin' tool from Clearsnap. i used a glue pad to stamp the design with, then sprinkled it with a black glittery embossing powder. after heat setting the powder, i mounted the silver foil piece on a black cardstock card.

to make the "hi" card, i adhered rhinestone flowers to pieces of red metallic foil, then cut around the flowers using scissors. i adhered a rectangle of black cardstock to the front of a white cardstock ard, then i cut out a small rectangle of silver metallic foil and mounted it to the card. next i adhered the cut out flowers, using a 3D dot to adhere one of the bottom ones. chipboard letters were used for the sentiment and i used stickles to fill in the centers of the flowers.

--- stamps are by My Sentiments Exactly, Get Rollin' tool by Clearsnap, glue pad from Superior - Palette, embossing powder from Sugarloaf, rhinestone flowers from Hobby Lobby, chipboard letters by American Crafts and Stickles by Ranger

and finally, i HAD to try the Cling Vinyl. i think i had the most fun with this product simply because of the easy of use. you just cut, peel and stick - it "clings" to acrylic, glass, metals, ceramics, plastics and probably some other things i haven't thought of yet! you can cut it by hand or diecut it. i was lazy and diecut all my pieces in these 2 projects...

for the jar project, i didn't use anything fancy, just a jelly jar i had on hand. i think it would make a nice teacher or co-worker gift. you could fill it with anything you liked! i just diecut flowers and stuck them on the jar - NO messy glues - LOVE it! i used small circles for the flower centers and polka dots. a piece of fabric tied around the top and some ribbons completed the project.

next, i found a frame in the kid's summer craft clearance section. it didn't look like much, it was just a cheap plastic frame with a coloring page insert. it was designed for kids to take the frame apart, color the insert, then stick it back in to customize their frame. i figured i could use the insert for a template to cut a piece of pattern paper to replace the color-me insert. then i diecut flowers and centers as well as a quote mark. it was quick and easy to stick them on there and it looks a LOT better than the color-me version would have! LOL!

--- fabric, ribbon and frame from Hobby Lobby.

i think a lot of these projects would be great to do with your kiddos and all of the products are pretty kid friendly too. so if you want to stay inside where it is cool during the dog days of summer, you might consider making some of these things - or coming up with ideas of your own - with your kids. i think the cling vinyl would be especially fun for them since it is so easy to use and they could embellish a variety of items quickly and easily using it.

Received today: 10X magnifier, for inspecting scandalously porous metals. (Or MSE letterhead.)

GE clearly knows the way to an engineer’s heart: a complimentary magnifier, a comfortable pair of safety glasses (inadvertently left perched atop one’s head all too often), and the occasional free lunch. Take me, GE -- I’m yours!

(It was recommended that I engrave my initials on my new magnifier and attach it to the lanyard that holds my ID badge -- a magnifier is that hot of a commodity. So, sadly, the above paragraph is not as sarcastic as you may have initially assumed.)