If one listens to all the hype on love and reads all the fluffy books available, one could easily be mistaken in thinking that love is easy, that love is a breeze.

Reality is however, love is hard work. It takes enormous effort and awareness to really experience love in all its magnificence. Ask anyone who has loved deeply for long periods and they will tell you, there are many moments when love doesnt feel very magnificent at all!!! 

There are three general stages of love. There is the  honeymoon period in all connections, a truly magical experience. Everything is so rosy, so right and so much fun. Its full with desire, wonderment and lust and the unforgettable thrill of connecting to a new body and a new energy feels amazing.

This person, with their new ideas, new opinions, new dreams and new perspective on life is so stimulating.. Wow wow wow we say to ourselves, love feels absolutely fantastic!!

The next phase on the love journey however, is a little less grandiose, though very necessary to experience in order  to get to the more meaningful reality of love.

Sometimes it takes a year, sometimes 2 weeks, but it happens, stage two arrives and  it's when the 'work' in love begins. Things about your partner begin to get on your nerves. Things that you once loved about him/her because it made them unique, made them different than anyone you have known before, now start driving you absolutely crazy.

The unusual habits and the moods no longer amuse you, let alone thrill you. Buttons begin to get pressed, insecurities surface, tempers start to flair and life together is now more volatile. Life with the other starts to feel uncomfortable. Sounding a little familiar?

'Different' now no longer holds the same appeal. A yearning for something more familiar creeps up. You start to feel like you need more space, like you want to take a bit of your life back. You begin to realise that this 'together all the time' business is a maybe a little too much for you. You just want some aloneness, some 'me' time!

Sadly, so many potentially interesting  and deeply satisfying relationships finish when this period arrives. The change is too uncomfortable, the honeymoon was so nice and easy.. who needs this struggle!!

However, it is in this period, that love can really begin to grow. All these feelings that make one question our love are completely NATURAL!!! It doesnt mean that there is a flaw in your love, or that the love has disappeared, it simply means that the other side of the coin is now having its time in the spotlight.

There are two sides to every experience, to everything in our reality. Day night, joy sadness, aloneness togetherness, rain drought, full moon no moon, high low, valleys mountains..I can go on and on with examples..but the important realisation is that one does not exist without the other. Or more specifically, we would not know the existence of one without the other.

In the blissful honeymoon period, feelings of togetherness are strongly experienced, hence it is only natural that this feeling will transform to a need for aloneness. Nothing wrong with this, its the way, our wise inner self brings balance to our lives.

There is a wide spectrum of feelings to be experienced in love and the need for more space and  moodiness towards one another are simply part of the program. 

It's how you deal with these challenges as they arise, how you communicate your needs to the other, that opens the door for the fowering of love. Learning to give respect and to have tolerance are very necessary in love.

Accepting these feelings when they arise and not going too deeply into them is the key.  There is no need to feel uncomfortable, they are completely natural.

Rather than projecting your need onto your partner by blaming him/her that its not working or you need to get away because they are doing 'this' or 'that', take responsibility for them.  Your needs are natural, they arise in all relationships, there is no need for blame, none at all.

Its natural a partner may feel a little hurt or insecure hearing your needs for the first time. After all until now you have been happy to be with them.  Remember, It is no fault of theirs, or yours, that these needs have surfaced.

They would arise no matter who 'the other' is.  Think about that for a moment just to let it sink it a bit deeper.. these needs will arise no matter who the other is.. 

Think back to how you felt after the holidays with the family? Or after a big weekend with friends. Did you have an urge to be alone afterwards or to distance yourself a little from others? An urge just to be with yourself?

This is the same principle,

Listening to your needs and communicating them honestly to the other, helps enormously on the journey of getting to know one another. It can be frightening and will naturally take practise to gain confidence, but it develops trust and a sense that its OK to be yourself, which opens the doors of the heart wider for deep love to enter. 

The benefits of honest relating are limitless and will allow you to move more gently and compassionately through the challenging post honeymoon stage, allowing  the relationship to evolve into something deeper than the simple desire that initially brought you together.  

Deep love is a combination of the honeymoon and the aloneness periods. Its truthful, its spontaneous and it is respectful of oneself and the other.  It acknowledges that each is an individual with different needs..needs that the other can not always fulfil, nor should be expected to.

When its safe to express ones needs, you celebrate each others uniqueness, you offer each other freedom and it is in this space, that love truly blossoms. 

LOVE  is allowing, supporting and encouraging  ourselves and our partners to become the best and the greatest that we can possibly be. Its offers freedom to express and to do, go and be who ever we want to be in this life.

Its not easy, this love business, but it does allow us an amazing opportunity to know ourselves and another.. it is a beautiful journey of self discovery and in my opinion, the reason why we are here.

To discover ourselves. To know ourselves more, to accept ourselves more.. thats the purpose of life and love is the very exciting path in which we do this.

Want Tips on how to communicate your personal needs?  click here

Until next time

Mysticmiss

Having trouble understanding how to express yourself to your partner? Go to for tips.

-- Rilke, in a September 24, 1908 letter to Sidonie Nadherny von Borutin

Love means to learn to look at yourself
The way one looks at distant things
For you are only one thing among many.
And whoever sees that way heals his heart,
Without knowing it, from various ills—
A bird and a tree say to him: Friend.
Then he wants to use himself and things
So that they stand in the glow of ripeness.
It doesn't matter whether he knows what he serves:
Who serves best doesn't always understand.

Now, as important as finding the "right" person, equal effort must be exerted to working to "be" the "right" person. This means before expecting perfection or effort from the other person, one must "be", for one cannot give what one does not have.

And for those who have not found "love" just yet, worry not. Instead, seek for better things, enjoy worthwhile activities. Do not focus so much on outside or physical beauty, for in time it fades. Focus on the inner beauty, because inner beauty lasts a lifetime, even towards eternity.

Love brings out the best in every person ...

its also on the new girl talk album- on set it off about 1:25 into the track. yeah i cant stop playing that song on repeat either.

Da, mai, te iubesc asa cum esti. Iti iubesc imperfectiunile, felul de a fi, de a vorbi, de a te purta. Faptul ca o admiri si respecti pe mama. Faptul ca ai fost acolo, in ziua aia, si nu mi-ai spus parola ;) ...ca m-ai inteles acum 3 ani, cand ti-am zis ca... ca mi-ai devenit amic chiar, dupa. Ca nu m-ai exclus total din viata ta, desi am gresit. Ca ai fost politicos, chiar si cand nu te suportam. Ca ai asteptat si ai sperat si zambetul tau m-a facut sa imi schimb radical parerea. Ca ai dat muzica mai incet. Ca ai scapat cheia :) Ca ma privesti asa, cum numai TU poti : X Ca ai fost alaturi de mine de ziua mea. Chiar daca pleci, esti si ramai parte din mine si da, s-ar putea sa nu ne mai vedem niciodata...dar e viata ta, nu am cum si nici nu trebuie sa te opresc. Iti doresc fericire, iubire, sanatate, succes, din tot sufletul. Nu inteleg ce lectie a vrut D-zeu sa imi dea atunci cand m-a reintalnit cu tine. Poate a facut-o pentru ca tu reusesti mereu sa imi smulgi un zambet; ai vazut asta de fiecare data cand ne-am intalnit.  :)

"If you love someone, you've got to let him go. If he comes back he's yours, if he doesn't, he never was."

He'll never see this...

                 "Waiting to exhale", and "How Stella got her groove back" are two books-movies written by Terry McMillan, that i believe are a reminder, and testament for women never to forget to call forth two very important words..."I AM"...Your Power. What did Angela Bassett's character in "Waiting to Exhale" mean when she said "..., it's the fact that I didn't have a Plan B. Was it he left her with nothing?, Was it she had no career to fall back on, because she put her's on hold? These are just symptoms as to what got her in these situations to begin with. Did she mean, In case her life did not work out with her husband she still had financially secure? Did she mean she should have not put her whole faith and heart into the relationship? Is a Plan B in a sense like having a prenuptial agreement? It is destined to fail because you have an escape clause?

                  In the past woman have chose relationships for security which is not true love by today's standards, it's convenience. I know a woman who is substantially overweight, and is with a man, I believe she would never chose if she were thin or had the confidence as if. I know a woman who is not financially secure, and is married to a man she would not be with if she were. What Plan B means for me is a woman should never loose her identity in a relationship. The same identity her husband fell in love with. A woman should always feel whole, beautiful, and secure from within, so she can choose a mate from want and desire not necessity, and convenience.

                  For those of you who are thinking about getting married ask yourself this,

                              "If I were confident, financially secure would i marry this man"? If not, get your... Plan B...and Exhale!

                  For those of you who are in a committed relationship ask yourself this, 

                              "Am I still the woman he met"? If not, get your...Groove Back!

                  Look at the cases in point, how many relationships do you know of, that break-up, because the woman or man has a new found confidence ( I will expound on this later, I am still musing when the dynamics of  relationships change.) Also notice how many relationships that could have been saved by getting your "Groove back" while still together not apart. Marriage is not to be taken lightly, it is a life changing event, that is meant to be "Till Death Do Us Part". If this statement does not work for you, do not get married and stay single. I loved being single, and I love being married,. I waited till I was completely sure before I made this decision. I am also a tenacious woman, who believes in making it work by exhausting all resources........Our Triplet girls are a testament to that.

"You can never be enough, shine brightly"

-Julia Renfro

This aint none of that romantical stuff

Unlike most girls who have a strong desire to be married (as I do), I have a strong aversion to relationships. It terrifies me to the point where I am physically ill. Is that weird?

I saw one of my favorite tv weddings of all time - Dwayne and Whitley - and as I imagined myself in her place I wanted to throw up and run far away. When I was younger, I identified with Runaway bride, but I thought that would go away. Ok so Im a commitment phobe and a beautiful disaster (like the 311 song).

Well I better figure all of this out before the end of the summer! Im trying to get married asap - yeah its kind of a goal of mine.

I guess I need more work on that me thing before I find a me and you thing.

                                            When I was young I had never heard of Islam.  Now "Islam" seems to be everywhere you look.  That, however, is a common mistake about perception -- so let me get that much on the table early.  Perhaps you learn a new word.  Formerly it might have seemed not even to exist, then suddenly the "new" word is everywhere -- in every book you read.  Well, like a used car, it's "new to you." Islam has been around a very long time, for my entire life! -- and if I hadn't noticed it in my youth, it was still nevertheless out there.  In even the post-Cambrian age of my upbringing, we had National Geographic  -- and Lawrence of Arabia aired more that once on tv.

Well, I nonetheless had an odd and novel encounter with Islam today.  I was working on this blog, actually, [previous post entitled Easy -- and yes, I still have time for painting] at a public computer in a university music library.  A young man at a computer near me was listening to something on headphones and laughing frequently outloud.  He couldn't seem to contain his mirth and self-consciously apologized to anyone who peered in his direction for the distraction he caused.  I figured he was listening to a comedy routine. 

After my own work was complete, I happened to run into the man as he was leaving and found him politely apologetic once more.  So I asked him in a spirit of friendliness what he had been listening to, and he told me rather soberly that he was listening to a lecture by one of his favorite Muslim clerics on the topic of marriage.  Feeling most of the blood draining from my face and wondering privately to myself what could be so amusing in this context, I listened as he went on rather soberly still to explain that the cleric thought young men should marry young and thus avoid the problem of "fornication."  He so obviously meant well as he explained the cleric's account of how "400 years ago" women were veiled from head to toe, and young men got married.  But today women are not veiled, and "nobody" gets married.  [Revisit: the "new word" phenomenon explained above.]

I asked him if he was going to get married soon, and he looked confused and said "yes" rather vaguely.  Thus I assume that the young bride-to-be hasn't been selected yet, though evidently she'll need little in the manner of qualifications other than the possession of an X chromosome.  Wishing to give this young stranger some advice, which clearly he rather desperately needs, I offered this:  I said "why don't you talk this over with your mom and dad."  I'm taking a wild guess, but maybe his parents aren't as Muslim as he is. Yeah, though you're taking the humorous advice of Ahmed bin Jon Stewart, why not also consult the two human beings on the planet who know enough about "marriage" to have arranged for your existence?

What has happened in America?  Why is a young student in an American university getting his advice on life's more compelling questions from the funny stand-up cleric whose counsels include extolling the mores of a culture 400 years old?  By the way, back in 17th century England John Milton was defending both divorce and freedom of speech, so I guess we in the West have been hip longer than we realize.

As the blood went back to my face, while I strove to address this well-meaning young man in a kind, tolerant way, I was thinking to myself: Hey, Sparky, I'm not wearing a veil because of your misguided understanding of your young hormones.  A young man who contemplates marriage to avoid "fornication" not only does not believe that he'll ever fall in love -- maybe he doesn't even believe that love exists.  Why would anyone who believes in love abandon its possibility for the sake of a very temporary solution to physical urges?

I have hardly thought of anything else the rest of the afternoon.  What is manhood now?  What is it in the West?  If one reads, say, Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, we find a world in which the ideal of manhood includes both love and dignity.  The avoidance of "fornication" exists in that fictive world though it would never be alluded to so crudely.  Indeed, the stronger idea of the heart -- the sense of human intellect and of dignity are its terms of discourse.  You hope for love because you know it exists, and a person of sense watches for love because to settle for anything less is disappointing to say the least and degrading to say the worst.  Of course, Austen was the unmarried daughter of a Christian minister but the ideal she represented in her stories was hardly her property alone.

One has certainly a right to wonder why "fornication" (as bad as that is) is worth the loss of one's character -- or, more to the point, one can ask how precisely would he be avoiding "fornication" if the chief, perhaps the only virtue of his bride was that he could satisfy his urges on her.  It would seem to me that the fornication still exists and has added to it only the trappings of a marriage license and a bit of ceremony.  On the contrary, as Miss Austen was at pains to demonstrate, nothing makes a person more chaste than love -- for what person, man or woman, looks upon their beloved as simply an object upon which to satisfy animal feelings?  It is love, in fact -- mature, deep, soul-touching, self-disclosing love -- that brings one into awareness of the larger compass of life. 

I concluded that the young man, who seemed to think the funny cleric had hit upon all the facts of existence, has been duped for a fare-thee-well.  Does he think that no one ever figured these things out before?  We have in our own culture a similarly funny idea:  "Nobody buys the cow, when you can get the milk for free."  Got Milk?  Yet we have not abandoned the dignity of women for the sake of this notion.  Quite the contrary, we are only beginning to really understand fully the larger scope of women's dignity, now in this era of women judges, doctors, lawyers, Secretaries of State, astronauts, writers, musicians, scientists -- and on and on.

The Islamic world, with its many centuries old obsession with male hormones, has missed the whole point.  Their own culture acknowledges as much, too.  In their acceptance of polygamy, they show how vacuous a cure "marriage" is for male desire.  When one wife's physicality gets a little dull, a new "wife" is required. 

So, give me the Western way, please! Particularly since I look horrible in a scarf -- and moreover because I am not the kind of person who likes to be ordered around.  I find within myself a natural tendency to lead.  Others have noticed it in my nature also and have told me I am a good leader, and I believe them.  I'm teaching my leaderly skills to my daughter.  No scarf for me, and all that the scarf denotes.  I prefer to believe in True Love (which is always capitalized).  Perhaps it is rare, perhaps some never find it.  But the ideal itself lifts us all -- even those who never marry.  The ideal points toward the union of man and woman as something more than a biological urging.  It gives us glimpses of a deeper spiritual communion that's possible within landscape of the heart.

A man or woman who really loves will accept all kinds of privations for the sake of the beloved.  And, believe me, that selflessness comes in real handy in life's twists and turns.  Real love goes far beyond the physicality of youth.  Conversation is nice too, especially in one's "golden years," and married men and women will find more to talk about if the desires that first brought them together go a little deeper than mere hormones. 

Young man, you were in a university library.  Why weren't you studying?  Why not learn something to make yourself interesting.  Women today are using their minds.  If you want a wife, perhaps it's education that you need.  Because, you know what?  In this culture the woman has a choice, and she might find chaste maiden life more to her liking when it comes with freedom and ideas than a hormonal life of servitude with you.  Something to think about in this era of East meets West.

I had qualms about whether I should write on this topic here since it has nothing to do with art.  But upon further thought, I realized it has everything to do with art.  After all, it was only because I'm an artist that my schedule lent me this freedom to be in the university library today.  Moreover, in this young man's 17th century idea of Islam, I'd wouldn't have a choice to be  an artist.  I'd be washing socks and milking goats, two activities for which I have no talent or interest whatsoever.

So, it does relate to art rather robustly.  In the 21st century West, a woman can be whatever she likes.  And this one likes art.  I hope you do too.

[Top of the post: Eugene Delacroix's 19th century drawing of a Young Arab Man -- more relevant than ever.]

This is about the sixth time I have started this letter to you and I’m still not sure where it’s going. I’m on the wrong side of a relationship. I’d like to think we can be great friends. Something is in the way. Three months ago I wanted to marry this woman. I loved who I thought she was. Today I am seeing a different person. My first and biggest obstacle is she is in a committed relationship. Every time I’m about ready to accept this she does or says something that would have me think different. I’m feeling pushed and pulled from her. Why can’t she simply state where she is and stand to that. Her words aren’t matching her music. She’s becoming abusive towards me now. What is it that she wants?

Sincerely

Matters of the heart 

Dear Matters of the Heart,

I ‘d like to think if you were great friends you would still be together. You have all the answers within yourself; you will not find your answers in her.  I suggest you read your letter a week or two from now, and the answers will open up for you, and remember to always be accountable for your own actions, this is not about what she is doing , this is about how you are being, that is letting you feel this way. You would not be choosing to be taffy if there wasn’t a payoff in it for you. I can only guess as to why she is the way she is, and does it really matter? What do you want? Figure her out? And then what get back together?

Wrong side? Are you ready to really let go? The key is you loved who you thought she was.  I pose this question to you. Are you in love with love? Now mind you there is nothing wrong with wanting love, however needing love , will have people be in what I call fantasy relationships, will have people suffice, will have people never truly know love, because their filling their own gaps. I believe you attract in another, what you lack in yourself. My guess, her M.O.  is such that she gets her power from others suffering, and loves having vigils lit for her.

Now here is my advice, what is it you want, truly want, in a mate. Not need, want. How do you get to a place of want?  Fill your own needs, and then you will attract that special someone who is just the icing not the cake.

Warmest Thoughts and Prayers,
Julia Renfro
Result Coach, Author

So I was justified in my hope for a good movie, when I attended the film with one son and his girlfriend, a big fan of the series. Unfortunately, the hopeful premises with which the series ended were reversed one by one. Miranda and Steve's sex life is lacking, and Steve is transformed before our eyes from the easy-going and faithful guy we knew in the television series to a dark faced horny guy who pants a lot and goes crazy and has a one night stand. Miranda leaves him. It is true that they get back together in the end, but their relationship is not the sweet, married, flannel nightgown relationship of the television series, but exemplified in the scene of full frontal nudity for Miranda that looks almost like a crucifixion and is not pretty. Nor sustainable, in real marriage.

Samantha's character also underwent a significant change in the television series from a woman who won her sex war by joining the other side and exploiting people the way, say, Hugh Hefner does, to a woman who is learning how to have a full human relationship of which sex is only one of the parts. Because her boy toy had shown himself to be a real man, and stayed with her and loved her throughout her struggle against cancer, she was transformed. She was able to believe in love. It was really a beautiful, and moral, plot line, for my money.

Suffice to say in the movie version, that's all off. Samantha is reduced to one of those aging, paunchy, dog-loving bitches seeking a peep at the biggest dingle on the block. (They make us peep at one in the movie.)  One of those women. You know them and they're boring.

Charlotte is the only character that retains some measure of her dignity, and I won't be giving away anything to tell you that the writers make sure that we get how they feel about Charlotte by having her, as the movie puts it "poo in her pants." It's that stupid, yes.

But what happens to Carrie is the saddest plot line and most dramatic reversal of the direction of her character in the series. I don't even want to talk about it. Carrie became a third wife. Big refuses to marry her -- he literally leaves her at the altar, but ends up ‘marrying' her anyway before a justice of the peace, unremarked by the world and uncelebrated. Oh, except he invited her friends to meet them outside just to show what a great guy he is. We're supposed to buy that.

Not that we're allowed to believe in the formal wedding, either. The writers and producers try to present a church wedding (okay, a library wedding, that's the closest they can come) as nothing more than a merchandising extravaganza. No, a merchandising orgy.

The counter weight in the movie to that Visa card version of marriage was not real love, but only civil marriage, where the only witness is a guy wearing a badge and a gun standing way over in the corner, no friends allowed  (that's pretty accurate, but why is that? Why are civil marriages so often performed alone, as if they were happening in the dark?). There was no option offered ot a real-love-marriage where the emphasis is on the vows, on the terrible and final solemnity of the marriage vows which you speak before your friends and family precisely so they can help hold you to them. (The ones Mr. Big wouldn't write.)

So in the end, turns out that's all Sex and the City was about, sex, not love, not what Carrie wanted, and not what we want. It was all about what Mr. Big wanted.  Mr. Big ‘wants Carrie' but, like all his kind for whom this movie speaks, he don't want no stinkin' vows. And Carrie settled, like the saddest girls, the serial wives who marry the divorced players when the guyz realize they're getting plenty of nookie on the free market but there's no one to wash their shorts. Carrie got her legal rights, sure. But she got the gay version of marriage, the version where benefits and property rights and tax tables are the point, and where, when the sex begins to get comfortable, you move on to the next hot thing and register again. That's all Carrie got.

For the record, benefits and property rights are not the point of marriage to real women. Like Carrie used to, we want real, true, crazy, faithful love that lasts a lifetime.  And the legal benefits, too.  Now that we lost the Sex/City narrative that seemed to offer us love -- and by the way, offered it to the whole love-thirsty world -- it looks dark ahead. The way looks dark and scary. There is still sex with children to be completely legitimized, although they have begun with works like that precious, wonderful, quirky, fabulous Little Miss Sunshine and too many others to name. There is still sex with animals and robots and blow-up dolls to be legitimized, but don't worry, those plots are in the works. When love is truly dead and Satan finally rules the world. You know, that plot.

I'd like my money back, please.

5-27-08

Reading much, I pondered one word today; multifaceted,many types?
All having different purposes in this human lifetime of use.
There is a hierarchy of the concept of love,are you aware of that?
Its basic form spills out from our parents whomever that might have been.
All are capable of life-changing effects upon us as we move through this
phenomenon of emotions.

Simply a quality our God has given us to work at,for the highest we are to
achieve learning about; in giving it away is also His creation,His kind of love.
Gods love now in these times has also begun to reach a point ,where speaking of
it.makes it increasingly disappear from our hearts.All the wrong perceptions only
slowly destroys the wonder of its beauty and loveliness to many?

I have known many loves in my lifetime,and I can only comment on one I knew
was of Gods love,"Agape".Fortunately or unfortunately she is gone from me forever
now.She taught me of it,it seemed her only purpose was to give away as much as she
could .In this process she grew greatly in her spirit,blessed her whole family.
She wasn't only a Sunday Christian,living another life when she left church.
she was a full-time child of her God,she will one day be His Son of God,like her
Jesus.

The minute I met her,I knew she was a child of God.She confirmed that to me,
by always teaching me of her God ,and what it was to be really loved for myself!
I was spiritually dumb,and a angry person; deeply hurt by one who said she loved me
but didn't? Challenged by the aspects of being deeply committed to wanting to be
loved,showed me in the end, it was a want that I was seeking.Love is not a want,
Love is a need,therefore the only kind of love which lasts a lifetime without the
human frailties intervening between two people is "Agape". When we choose a spouse
we base it on birds singing,and butterflies fluttering in our heart.Or sexuality!
All for the wrong reasons.Only one person knows our lifetime from its beginning to
end.That is God.

In allowing Him to make the real hard choice of finding us a mate,it is far better
to let Him do the choosing and us do the follow-up,that is the safest option available
to us. Many things may come between a loving relationship of two people. which when
examined carefully will reveal to themselves their own selfishness.This is a true
destroyer of a useless and a quick relationships.We run the gamut of loving
others perhaps many times in our lifetimes.Our friends,our families: our siblings,
relatives; Parents.We can be an adamant seeker to find that special person
who will love us for who we are. (not for who we cannot be to them?)
Oh! yes! many persons can only love, not out of love;
but by demanding: under the deceit of conditions,
within that relationship.

Many of us never learned to love others,for we find ourselves incapable of loving to
any depth, or unable to love; at all.Unfortunatly never learning love from those who
were supposed to teach it to us,for they were emotionally bankrupt themselves.Paul,
chastized one of he seven churches for "loving to little",that their love didn't
reach out to him.So that could be another aspect of love.
"Agape" love is the essence of Heaven,it is the sweet perfume of Gods
presence there! Just as our Jesus is the "Light", love is the breathlessness; of "Home"
to us: who are the chosen.

Many Christians make me chuckle,when they utter that they know

"Unconditional love"? No way possible is this doable,I believe only within our

' Walking in the Spirit, does this occur. In Midwalk our human love melds

with Gods kind of Love "Agape: and we will know Gods "Agape".
Then and only then will we understand "Gods kind of Love"?

Don't attempt to tell me your dog or cat gives unconditional love,"poppycodk"!
It is nurtered,fed;given affection:has vet. privilages; it would have great
difficulty in telling you that it loves you,
or to deny itself ;these little duties you perform for it.
So it can, and does show you a little simulation;of what you perceive is love:
but only gratitude and learned response at best.
Those my friends are "conditions",so that it can reciprocate;in like manner.

It seems that the only close example of "Agape? Love is from our Jesus,and Stephen,
who died a martyar's death is the only sacrafice which would compare in depth of
Gods love. "Love seeks,Love draws, Love completes';all "Agape"!

"For I am persuaded,that neither death, nor
life,nor angel,nor principalities,nor powers
nor things present.nor things to come,Nor height,
nor depth,nor any other creature,shall be able
to separate us from the love of God, which is in
Christ Jesus our Lord"

Romams 8:38,39

"O righteous Father,the world hath not
known thee: but I have known thee,and these have
known that thou hast sent me.And I have declared
unto them thy name,and will declare it: that the
love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in
them,and I in them."

John 17:25,26

"And they crucified him, and parted his
garments,casting lots: that it might be fulfilled
which was spoken by the prophet,They parted
my garments among them, and upon my vesture
did they cast lots.And sitting down they watched
him there."

Matthew 27:35,36

In Your love,

lampwickke xxx

My Reply was:

The question is answered best with this question: Why did Jesus say that the first and greatest commandment is "Thou shalt LOVE the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."? (see Matthew 22:36-38) In this context, "commandment" refers to the Law. If we can't keep the law (see Romans 7), who shall deliver us from the body of death?...Only the fulfillment of the law can...Chirst. If Christ is the fulfillment of the law, and He is, only in Christ can obedience to this Greatest Commandment be achieved.

No shit.

He was probably not even born yet when Tom Moulton began doing dance remixes in the late 1960s, and wasn't even ten years old by the time pioneering DJs and producers like Walter Gibbons, Tee Scott, Larry Levan, Shep Pettibone, and François Kevorkian were already deeply ensconced in remixing disco records. So, sorry, Diddy.

But it's true that over the next fifteen to twenty years, particularly in the 1990s, Diddy and his Bad Boy Records production crew (aka The Hitmen) would have a hand in some truly great remixes, many of which were major improvements upon already popular songs from artists like 112, Mariah Carey, Mary J. Blige, Total, Usher, and Jennifer Lopez.

And it's not just Diddy either -- far from it. The remix has been prevalent in hip hop music since the genre's inception, as DJs would essentially "re-mix" tracks (sometimes without even knowing what they were doing) by extending the breaks or most danceable portions of the records in order to satisfy the breakdancers and b-boys of the day. And the tradition of remixes in hip hop has stayed strong to this day -- only growing stronger and more common with the advent of the mixtape (thanks DJ Clue, Green Lantern, Whoo Kid et al.) -- as almost every track released seems to be followed by an "official" remix, along with a few other "unofficial" remixes (often just the same beat with a different rapper spittin' on it) from various mixtapes and websites.

But what I'm most interested in is when the remix clearly becomes better and more popular than the original track itself, and not solely in the world of hip hop. Sometimes this means a complete overhaul of the track, as with Usher's "Love In This Club (Part 2 Remix)" or "Everyone Nose" by CRS & Pusha T., and sometimes it just means adding some guest verses, as in Day26's "Got Me Going" remix, which simply adds verses from Fat Joe and Rick Ross. (Note: the song is still lame, but not as lame).

So even though we're not gonna hit them all -- and they definitely won't all come from the Bad Boy camp -- I'd like to throw out some of the best examples of what I'm referring to, some classic, some current. Hopefully y'all can add some more to this list. Now this is not to say that the originals were bad in any way, most were already hot, just that they were eventually eclipsed by their respective remixes.

Okay, let's get it:

112: "Only You" Original vs. "Only You" Remix

Mariah Carey: "Fantasy" Original vs. "Fantasy" Remix

Dru Hill: "In My Bed" Original vs. "In My Bed" Remix

Lil Kim: "Not Tonight" Original vs. "Not Tonight" Remix

Mary J. Blige: "Real Love" Original vs. "Real Love" Remix

Busta Rhymes: "Pass the Courvoisier" Original vs. "Pass the Courvoisier Part 2" Remix

Usher: "I Need a Girl" Original vs. "I Need a Girl Part 2" Remix

Aaliyah: "Are You That Somebody" Original vs. "Are You That Somebody" Remix

Justin Timberlake: "Cry Me a River" Original vs. "Cry Me a River" Remix

Big Punisher: "I'm Not a Player" Original vs. "Still Not a Player" Remix

Jagged Edge: "Let's Get Married" Original vs. "Let's Get Married" Remix

Kanye West: "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" Original vs. "Diamonds from Sierra Leone" Remix

Akon: "Ghetto" Original vs. "Ghetto" Remix

Fantasia: "When I See You" Original vs. "When I See You" Remix

Jennifer Lopez: "Love Don't Cost a Thing" Original vs. "Love Don't Cost a Thing" Remix

That's all I got for now -- a first installment let's call it.....but maybe we'll do a part 2 in a couple weeks once my brain returns to normal and we get some more suggestions from people

- Jonathan

Does Love exist? Does it…??? And if it does how can you tell if it’s real love? From this movie we can get ideas as to why we can think and feel love. They did a pretty good job at presenting some situations that most can experience. The one night stand is something that is becoming more common among young people. The simplicity of intercourse with others is now more accepted with a growing number of people. To the public, sex is now just sex. Before the notion of making love was of being intimate with someone you were in love.

Now to understand real love and know how to recognize it can be the tricky part. The beginning will be the known attraction of course that two people have then is interacting with each other. Other biological steps follow like sensors, hormones, reactions that happen through the senses of sight and smell- reactions detected in the brain, neurons, substances release and blah blah  blah…

The movie wanted to reinforced that, it has been scientifically proved that there are certain sensory- chemical reactions that have to happen to know there are the feelings of love. Now knowing cannot be easily understood- if some people do not even understand themselves how are they to identify love? No matter what-> ‘One for sure will know’ if they are in love. Then follows the bigger question to ponder- if True Love exists? What to do? On this one personally I will be more pessimistic, pretty much now I don’t think that it does. Even the main character had that thinking- well he had just mostly questions/ doubts that needed answers. Surely, questioning can be also understood as a pessimistic attitude- right?

One conclusion the movie has, is that we have to accept that love does not have to last forever. But being content with a person that will understand your needs and being able to live together can be sufficient for two people. Almost everyone knows that love is not easy to find it. For me, I can only hope to recognize real love….It seems that the movie ended with a more conformist view of love.

-RA

    Donald Miller is the author to this statement and the book,'Blue Like Jazz'.  I was in a local book store a few weeks ago.  I was in the Christian reading section, or for the P.C. people reading this, the Spiritual section of the store.  I had never heard of this book or writer.  I saw the name of the book, and I thought to myself," Well now Jorge, this looks to be right up your alley".  But I didn't understand the title.  I mean Jazz took part of the blues to make jazz, so maybe that was it.  I would find out later on what it meant.  I saw about three copies so I thought it was new, it wasn't, but it didnt matter.  I was attracted to the book, just by the title. and the sub title which reads, "nonreligious thoughts on Christian spirituallity".  WOW, that was somewhat deep, so I took it up to the front counter.  It didn't take long for me to be buried in this book.  It only took me a week to finish it.  I was sad near the end of the book, because more pages were on the right side of it than the left. 

    Miller at one time took a road trip from his hometown of Houston,Texas to the northwest.  Along the way him and his companion stopped at the Grand Canyon.  He saw something very spiritual and something full of Grace when he reached the canyon.  "There is something quite beautiful about the Grand Canyon at night.  There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by God who knows what He is doing. (they hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.)  Talk about words bringing you to your knees.  Words that bring a smile to your face and at the same time tears to your eyes.  Miller continues with,"And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere.  Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty.  The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart."

    This is a book for the un-Christian, or what I call the brothers and sisters on the other side of Grace, God;s Grace.  The book introduces you to Christian sprituality,a way of life to people for whom Christianity or a system of beliefs, seems like a bad math problem or your worst day at work, when nothing goes right.  For a person searching, this book will possibly give you the answer.  God is not dog spelled backwards.  He is real.  He created everything,He owns everything we have.  Nothing is really ours.  In this book, God calls out to you.  he welcomes you into his world, His Grace, His wisdom, and His beauty.  Give the book a chance to touch you deeply, it will I promise.

Music I was listening to while typing this post was, my funeral music, entitled,'Travle Music to Glory'

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Even though I was kind of optimistic after reading the last LuvLuv title, I have to admit I was slightly disappointed with the first release from the imprint. This one fared much better though, at least for me. Instead of several short stories, this volume was composed of two main story lines. The first story was called "Real Love" and was broken down into three chapters, and the other two stories in the volume, "Baby" and "Love Star" involved the same set of characters.

While I liked the first story, "Real Love," I'll admit parts of it made me feel kind of uncomfortable. The main female character runs into a guy she broke up with several years ago, apparently for cheating on her. Despite the fact she hates his guts, she can't help but be attracted to him, and the two enter into a casual sexual relationship that the girl seems to be rather torn on. Her inner conflict was so strong, in fact, that I wasn't entirely comfortable with the sex scenes since they seemed at least slightly tainted with non-con. The main character also has a twin brother who hates the ex-boyfriend's guts and says really hateful things to his sister throughout the course of the story that add to my discomfort. The brother also has a girlfriend who he treats rather poorly. The girl painfully lacks a will of her own throughout the entire story, but it's partially redeemed in the end when she begins to stand up for herself, many things are revealed, and a couple characters turn out to be actually kind of nice.

"Baby" was my favorite because the female was a bit stronger and more free-spirited. She is a musician who performs on the sidewalk, and she begins to hang out with a guy she winds up in bed with one night. She gets really wrapped up in him and even begins writing a song, but his intentions turn out to be... not the purest. She breaks down a bit in the end, which is a little disappointing, but it's still a pretty good story.

I liked the second story involving those two characters a lot less. The girl turns into a clingy hanger-on and the guy starts denying her nearly everything. It was a bummer to read, but it was pretty short and kind of a throwaway.

On another note, I kind of liked the art in this volume. The style somewhat resembles Ai Yazawa, but I may just say that because one of the characters wears a very Parakiss-looking hat.

So yes. Still flawed, but I liked it much, much better than the previous LuvLuv volume, Voices of Love. This one reads somehow more shoujo-y than the last one though.

Today, he shared a baseball story, where he comes up to the bat and lets out a swing. Strike one! He starts feeling nervous. So, he makes a couple practice swings for the second pitch. Strike two! Now he plans on bunting the final strike, making it easy to sprint to first base. However, he decides to swing it at the last second, and CRACK--he hits the ball and runs like the wind to first base. Pausing on first, he looks up to see his coach saying, "HOMERUN!" As he slides back to home, the crowd rises and applauds.

On this day, his girlfriend said, "If he hit's a homerun today, I know I'm supposed to marry him." When they got engaged, she told him about the baseball story and feeling like he was "the one" for her. When he asked her to marry him, he also asked her to "follow" him. This made sense. When we marry someone, we also agree to follow them. The same applies if we give our hearts to Jesus--we agree to follow Him. It is important to marry in Christ, something I have been thinking a lot about lately. When people enter a good marriage, they just seem to "know" they are the one.

This relates to my previous relationship and "knowing" whether he was the one. The person I was with was unsure about his faith. I did not know what to do and I kept blaming myself. But then I realized that this is up to God and that I cannot take His place. God's plan seemed to be different from my own. I cannot be in a relationship just because they make me feel loved. I need someone who follows Christ and loves me as Christ does. My plan would be to stay with him, but I felt God tugging me away from that plan.

Our plan to "bunt" everything thrown at us and taking the easy way out is not God's plan. He wants us to feel confident, without turning back. No matter how much I try to plan, I just need to give my life to God. He wants to play a part in every decision we make. This includes all decisions--relationships, jobs, everyday choices, and so on. If we don't allow Him to play this role, who are we really following? Ourselves? Our girlfriend/boyfriend? Other idols? God wants us to chose Him to defeat the idols that are continually thrown at us.

   First of all, 'The Ragamuffin Gospel',  is a perfect book for someone wanting to change there life.  It is a chance to renew your heart through a very moving spiritual experience.   The last part of the book, deals with the story of the prodigal son. He goes off from his family to make his fortune, to live his life in the world that he does not know.  Meanwhile, his brothers stay at home and make their own life's, working with their father.  But eventually, the wayward son finds out just how tough the world is without his father's advice and his closeness.  He limps home from his lengthy binge of waste and wandering, boozing and womanizing, his motives were mixed at best.

    Henri Nouwen writes:

          "In my mind's eye, I see Rembrandt's painting The Return of the Prodigal Son, the dim-eye old father holds his returned son close to his chest with an unconditional love.  Both of his hands, one strong and masculine, the other gentle and feminine, rest on his son's shoulder's.  He does not look at his son but feels his young, tired body and lets him rest in his embrace.  He seems to think only one thing: He is back home, and I am so glad to have him with me again".

    We all face battles every day.  Some are worse than others.  Some we win, and some we lose.  But we learn lessions from the one we lose.  We also receive a bit of a limp.  A wound, which in time will go away, but the memory remains.  And that memory we keep in our hearts, because one day, someone will recieve that same wound, and wonder, why, how, and why me.  And we will be there for them, to help them through the hurt, the pain.  And hopefully one day in the future, that person will carry the scars, not the wound and will have a limp to be proud of, a battle scar from the war he or she fought and won.

  The author, Brennan Manning then adds,  "The parable of the prodigal is one of the many faces of faithfulness.  It is also and earthy and honest portrait of the victorious limp".   WOW!, 'the victorious limp".  Those words, when I read them inspired me, bought tears to my eyes and made me weep.  Those words made me want to be a better man, husband, and father. 

    One day, when it is my time to go from this world into the next, a place which I call Heaven, I want desperately to walk into the Kingdom, under my own power with a 'victorious limp'.