Yeardley Smith as Lisa Simpson

Pamela Segall Adlon as Bobby Hill

Seth MacFarlane as Peter, Brian and Stewie Griffin

Tom Kenny as Spongebob Squarepants

James Avery "Uncle Phil" as The Shredder

Alexander Gould as Nemo

Rachael MacFarlane as Meg Griffin (Pilot Episode), Hayley Smith (American Dad)

Mila Kunis as Meg Griffin (2000-Present)

Lacey Chabert (1999 - 2000)

Adam West as Adam West

Lorenzo Music as Garfield

Dan Castellaneta as Homer Simpson

Elizabeth Daily as Tommy Pickles

Trey Parker as Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Satan, Mr. Garrison, Randy Marsh, Mr. Mackey

Matt Stone as Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Saddam Hussein, Gerald Broflovski, Leopold "Butters" Stotch, and Tweek

Kathleen Herles as Dora

Jonathan Katz as Dr. Katz

From the International Herald Tribune:

Next month, Seth MacFarlane, creator of the "Family Guy" TV series, will unveil a high-profile new project called "Seth MacFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy," an animated variety show that will be distributed solely through Google.

The Internet giant will syndicate the new program using its AdSense advertising system to thousands of Web sites that are predetermined to be gathering spots for MacFarlane's target audience, typically young men. Instead of placing a static ad on a Web page, Google will place a "Cavalcade" video clip. YouTube will also devote a channel to the material.

Marketing messages will be incorporated into the clips largely through "preroll" ads, but Burger King took its involvement a step further. In a rare example of one of Hollywood's top creative powers working hand-in-glove with a marketer, MacFarlane created and animated Burger King ads to play ahead of "Cavalcade" clips.

If Seth MacFarlane is involved, this should be good. I have always been a fan of the "Family Guy" television series which includes humor which pokes fun at just about everyone. I'll be looking forward to seeing the clips online soon. Thoughts?

I’ve come to my solar return: the time when the Sun approaches the spot in the sky when I was born. 

It should be a time when I reach a mid-life peak, the time when my career, personal relationships and objectives combine naturally and positively. Well, that’s a dream…I’m rolling ahead on a moss-covered stone aimlessly.

Taking measurements is something most do of their lives. We inventory the good, bad and uncategorized. Here’s my current stock:

Good

·        Alive

·        Not a prisoner, per say

·        Semi-educated

·        Have a computer & books

·        Use the library more now than in high school/college

·        Delivery of papers makes me some cash

Bad

• Not using my brain effectively
• Unable to pay bills
• Not getting much of what I desire
• Waste time
• Depressed at family matters
• Want to be in Cabo
• Alone

So where to go next?

Career.  Much of the past 5 years I have focused on the idea of writing in various ways. Short stories, business plans, editorials, nonfiction, technical analysis, blogging and a book project. I have no idea if this really has improved on my abilities. Granted, practice helps. But unless results come, it is just a practice in futility.

Confidence is pretty hard to come by when I look into the mirror, or see that under all the wit and want, I am just as flawed today as I was in 2000-01.

Ideas are nice. Plans a plus. Dreams, yep. But unless they are taking you to the Great Wall of Writing, you just aren’t cutting the mustard or slicing the cheese right baby.

I don’t want the cover of Rolling Stones magazine. Just enough to pay my way: and maybe not have to think about the past at all.

But also to be real, I haven’t the talent to really write. A few people that have graced me with their presence on these blogs have told me, “you can write,” or “you have a way or something…” But nothing really specific. And honestly, I feel they really mean: “You write pretty good…for a convict.”

Personal relationships. This has to be the ultimate joke. On a scale of 1 to 100, I’m  an 11.  (Spinal Tap ref.)  This means if I were nearly the last man on Earth, ladies, I’d better swim to the Arctic (with a heat pad, of course) and become one with the remaining polar bears before the final melt. (Various happy levels are below.)

My relationships would be like a Will & Grace episode.  (Without the confusion of the gay/straight thing…) I wouldn’t be able to settle on one thing I want in a person. So, instead of that, I usually take what bits and pieces I get from frivolous, half-baked potatoes (a formula for bad vodka) you can meet out at whatever watering hole happens to be cheap, yet clean. (Which ain’t many in NW Indiana...)

This perusal ends up a filler for anything meaningful. People do tend to suck. Whatever I lack in charm is surely noticed. Whatever they lack in conversation, or interests, gets noticed too. 34-23-33 measurements won’t salvage much. And neither will my “insufficient funds.”

You gotta pay to play.

Unlike Will & Grace, I don’t have quirky, queer quintessential friends to fall back on. Those Karens and Jacks you need to keep you from drinking too many hi-balls while feeling like a low-baller.  Unless Karen is pouring.

I’ve also met my fair share of cold halibuts in the pursuit, quest or whatever adjective works, of love or lust. (Whatever long-term avenue takes you home…just don’t snap a heel.)

But admiration is my business now. You can’t actually talk to anyone without a prim and proper introduction from a Fav 5 member. Or at least the appropriate 30 minutes of bump-and-grind on a dance floor. Maybe Jell-o shots. Maybe a fundamentalist church…they take the losers in. Praise Jesus!

Long-term Objective. If I had one overriding objective it would be to get the hell out of the Midwest. Somehow, with the lint in my pockets, I would head to an off-the-mainland repose, work on my tan, keep myself fed and begin to build a modest cottage. (See below…)

Nothing fancy, but a strong, breeze-filled place.  An ocean wanting nearby. Coconuts and Bananas and Fish I can catch and cook.  That’s the dream.

I’d take my books – maybe 750 in all, now – and read them, collect more, and write that best seller, or two, if the waves and sun and sand don’t get too much in the way.

I would gladly do this because there is too much stress in my life. 

I’ve worked for 24 years at crappy jobs, at good jobs and at no jobs at all. What I’ve learnt is, I was never cut out for a punch-the-clock-til-you-die position. Sure, others don’t want that either. But do it nonetheless.

Yep, I should ignore my instincts, and be miserable because that’s what our society tells us to do. (Not exactly, or so directly, but that is ultimately their goal. To control the aspects of your production to get you consistently making it…)

I don’t want to be a communist, or socialist about it, just free to make my own accord. Not every damn, good place on Earth to live should be owned by the rich and connected. And I want very little – enough to survive in peace.

Yep, that is just a birthday wish.

I’ll be delivering papers (if the car gets fixed) and writing frivolity for the remainder of the time I have. I’ll be poor, but not as poor as a Chinaman or African. They really have it really bad. And little in the way of changing it.

[caption id="attachment_335" align="aligncenter" width="135" caption="Me and Mary Ann - Castaways here on JayPeeFreely's Isle!!!"][/caption]

My ideal measurements for a good life are simple: a nearly free career of writing, reading books, dating/settling down with a warm, intelligent, athletic and saucy woman while living in a 600 sq. ft. shack on the beachfront with a generator, fishing pole, fish nets and fruit a plenty.   By Will and Grace I might get it.   Or I might get Gilligan’ed. (Sans Mary Ann.)

Yes....that's Stewie from Family Guy on this gentleman's throat (sighs).

More here.

Until they start working on that gun that turns people into cotton candy from Killer Klowns From Outer Space... I'll be in bed:

5 Sci-Fi weapons that are actually in development

Thankfully the writer didn't do the Mel Gibson sex-tape... the description of costumes and anti-semitic slurs would have been too much to deal with:

Celebrity sex tape what-ifs

Remember that scene in Outbreak or any other virus disaster movie when they show how fast it will spread? Okay, keep that in mind and watch this:

The spread of Wal-Mart

I certainly hope we put every episode of ALF in there except label them, "Area 51: Documentary footage.":

100 Things we're not putting in the time capsule

I'm never not going to post a list that involves Stewie or Quagmire... just accept it:

Stewie's most diabolical 10 moments

This one is for Tim who really enjoyed the last Muppet list... this one is accessible for everyone... trust me:

Celebrities and the Muppets they look like (I linked to my favorite one toward the end of the list)

RAND: Yes. I do not sanction the grotesque pretense of an organization allegedly devoted to world peace and human rights, which includes Soviet Russia, the worst aggressor and bloodiest butcher in history, as one of its members. The notion of protecting rights, with Soviet Russia among the protectors, is an insult to the concept of rights and to the intelligence of any man who is asked to endorse or sanction such an organization. I do not believe that an individual should cooperate with criminals, and, for all the same reasons, I do not believe that free countries should cooperate with dictatorships.

Ayn Rand's Playboy Interview (1964)

12 Perfect 80's Movies

Cheap Eats For Just About Every Occasion

Stewie Griffin's Reaction To 2 Girls 1 Cup

The 20 Best Movie Endings Ever?

Best Of NYC's Summer Cocktails

So...Family Guy was a cult classic turned national success. From Family Guy, we got American Dad which just happens to suck..and now THIS!?

Family Guy's token blacky (minus Lorretta because of the divorce lol) has been given his own show. From this picture alone i can see a MILLION ways and reasons why this might just be the most STEREOTYPICAL shit i've seen in my entire life lmao...

BUT...we'll just see how it turns out..Check it out on FOX this coming FALL

More vehicles on Mars, more spooky pictures.

NASA landed the Phoenix lander on the Martian surface recently and it's already sent back High Def pictures of Martian people doing everyday Martian things like playing on their lawns and going to work in the morning, or just reading books and hanging out on park benches.  An upgrade from the last rovers to be abandoned on the Red Planet's surface is the new infra-x-ray lens which allows the lander to peer directly into the souls of the Martian people.  The first images we've seen are terrifying.

View them here.

Ok, for the record I have not seen Indy 4 yet (I'll be seeing that along with everyone else on opening day) but I just couldn't let Michael Phillips of the Chicago Tribune slide on what he said in his review:

"Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is not slovenly in terms of craft, but this script fails its interpreters utterly. Indiana Jones—let's be honest—never was a memorable movie character.

Oy vey.

Ok...and here's my good natured rebuttal sent to him via e-mail:

Ahem.

I have to take issue with your statement ' Indiana Jones - let's face it - never was a memorable movie character.'

Are you serious, dude? Are you really talking about the character that put Harrison Ford on the map as a leading man? The one folks know him better for than Han Solo, that guy form that other successful movie franchise he starred in? The character that Spielberg says all you have to do is show his silhouette and you'd recognize him? The character that's ranked #2 in the AFI's Top Motion Picture Heroes, behind Atticus Finch? That character?

(That whole bit works best if you can imagine my voice going up an octave with each rhetorical question, kind of like Stewie Griffin.)

Puh-leeze. If you don't think Indy's all that memorable, stop smoking whatever it is you're smoking because you've lost too many brain cells as it is.

;-)

Of course, that little wink at the end means that my jibe is meant in good fun, but the guy really should watch how he throws his pronouncements around. I practically did a spit take when I read that in the paper yesterday.

'Never was a memorable character?' You've gotta be kidding me!

Añadimos un par de vídeos:

Darth Vader Stewie: Join the dark side

Now I have to admit I'm a pretty late bloomer to this show because I was very much on the side of the South Park guys who have very publicly voiced their utter disdain for Family Guy. I've avoided watching forever. But after falling for a few episodes on Hulu, I was immediately hooked. Between all the repeats on Cartoon Network, The CW, TBS, Hulu, FamilyGuyX and Fox, it took me approximately three weeks to watch EVERY SINGLE EPISODE of the show.

Yeah.

I'd like to pontificate further but I'm too busy watching Family Guy on TiVo at the same time so, just enjoy the clip.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa. That sounds like a pretty big design flaw there."

There's a pace and tone to the show that makes me equate it to the TV equivalent of a McDonald's value meal: awesome at first but really so bad for you with zero nutritional value.

Then the flavor of the show ruins your taste for other shows. I can't watch The Simpsons now because after several Family Guy episodes, The Simpsons just feels slow and tired.

Whatever. It's a great show. Watch it.

cap

Achja, das Video, welches gelöscht wurde, war die "world famous" Lionel Ritchie Szene ("Who hurt you? Who hurt you?").

Und nun: Lernt die Stimmen hinter Family Guy kennen:

YT-DirectLink

Microsoft announced yet another innovation to the cell phone market titled Microsoft Ping. The Ping function allows users to send a "ping" from their cellphones which travels across the satellite universe and takes an aerial snapshot of another user's location. So instead of sending a text, I can punch in your number, activate the ping, and get a satellite picture of you standing outside McDonalds sent directly to my phone.

The new slogan... "There is no privacy, only information."

The image comes with GPS coordinates and includes a function that can send updated images of you and your location every 180 seconds.

If this isn't a violation of some sort of privacy laws, I'm seriously not sure what is. And what the hell is next, oh big brother, mandatory webcams in every room of our homes?

So much for owning a cell phone. I'm reverting to the telegraph.

It was pure misery today.  I was at work, but then I wasn't.  I could hear orders from the boss, then I didn't hear them.  At times I just returned a blank stare.  In fact, I spent most of my time in bed from yesterday when I got home until I had to go to work this morning.  So no, no time for anything.

Well, the cough has me down and I'm going to go watch a couple of movies I rented.  One of them being:

Why didn't anyone tell me that this show is so hilarious?  Actually, they didn't have seasons 1 and 2 of The Family Guy at the rental place, so I'll more than likely end it buying the disc set, so I rented the baby disc. 

I think this show has been on a while, but I never really started watching it until a few weeks ago.    I'm usually laughing through the whole thing, which is funny, because most of the comedy I find on the boob tube has an urgent redundacy about it and leaves me yawning and flipping the channels. 

Okay, I do like watching Reba too, but shhh.

I have a lot to catch up on with this show, because I think it's in its sixth season.  Now I know what to use my Borders coupon on.

Off to enjoy myself.

Some bloggers out there are so paranoid that when you link to one of their pictures, they go through the trouble of disabling the link so that instead of Peter Griffin's face showing up, it's a sad/angry smiley face, or an image like the one above, instead. Why are people so protective of their pictures? (esp when they aren't really their pictures) I'll tell you why. Because they're ego-driven defecation machines.

For those that might need a translation, there are "blog-people" out there that are nothing more than vehicles that consume, process, and shit. Shit machines. That's what they are. They can be found in public restrooms, usually standing in the corner looking suspicious. Maybe standing at the sink pretending to wash their hands. You can always tell if someone's washing their hands or just pretending by whether or not they're using soap.

P.S. You are not allowed to use my copy-protected images that aren't really my copy-protected images as your copy-protected images.

 Waddle On,

 Poll

 Post Cards

 Picture

http://profile.imeem.com/pB_pJdF/music/ktDmJYn-/enrique_iglesias_do_you_know/

You may be wondering: “how can you hate a Mouseketeer?” To that I suggest that The Mickey Mouse Club CEO Stewie Griffin is pumping out superhuman brain numbing pop icons² to enslave the human race one teenage girl at a time. I digress.

Conspiracy theories aside, I had an experience last night that turned my understanding of the universe inside out. Channel surfing like a pro, I paused on a vivid high-definition video clip of 40,000 girls shrieking as though they had been shanked in the middle-school lunch line. This made my stomach turn in a way that only the realization that the majority of them were women could trump. I was shocked! These were women in their 20s and 30s screaming as if their lives depended on how much glass they could break in a 2 mile radius. I started to resume surfing for re-runs of Scrubs when the flashing stage lights came to life… I was hooked. If it weren’t for my severe undiagnosed ADD, I would have been able to watch Scrubs or Everybody Loves Raymond or something and reality as I knew it would still be intact. Alas, black immediately turned to white, day to night, and Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was written and performed by William Hung and Cher³. Once I dropped the controller I found myself gawking at the magical blinking box unable to divide my attention to anything but occasionally allowing myself to blink and breathe.

I watched Justin Timberlake for 2 hours. No… that doesn’t do it justice.

I was mesmerized by Justin Timberlake. Willingly. Sober.

…and I ENJOYED IT.

You can imagine my confusion as I sat there grinning from ear to ear completely enthralled by the image of a dude that embodies everything that I abhor about the music industry and pop culture. My subconscious was furious… “One guy, good looking, good voice, has some personality, wrote a few catchy songs. A few bazillion dollars later and he is a star! THEN, once the few catchy tunes he wrote have been JACKHAMMERED into your brain by every radio station in America 47 times a day for 6 months, another crew the size of Napoleon’s army is hired to create a live experience that has never used so many lights, so many subwoofers, so many fog machines, or such complex stage design to create a live show that rivets people like ME! I’VE LOST THE BATTLE! THEY GOT ME! This is worse than the time I got peer pressured into joining Facebook.⁴”

Despite my subconscious rant, I was legitimately enjoying this! The production was incredible, the performance was staggering, the musicianship was inspiring, and (worst of all) I had to work to come up with sarcastic comments to bash him, and sarcasm is my forte. I found myself sitting on the couch uttering things like:

• “Wow, he has 40,000 people wrapped around his finger…”
• “Damn, that guitarist NAILED that solo!”
• “That is the tightest rhythm section since James Jamerson and Benny Benjamin.”
• “This light show is better than a Floyd concert! I didn’t think that was possible.”
• “Those dancers are hot as hell. How does he pay attention to what he’s doing?”
• “…JT can actually play an instrument?”

As soon as the credits rolled I sat up, dumbfounded, desperately seeking an outlet for my confusion. I needed to process this immediately. I sprinted to my computer and hopped on the almighty iChat to relive my experience with some people who might be able to figure out what’s wrong with me. Responses ranged from:

• “Dude, did you catch the gay out there in Colorado?” to
• “I had the same experience once with Ricky Martin. I was overtired and stoned out of my mind. I was just enthralled with how cool he was, and how I never realized it.”

This was of little help.

Maybe I don’t hate him. After watching this show I actually kinda respect the guy; he doesn’t appear as one-dimensional as I wanted to believe that he was, and he actually shows some serious talent. Those of you who have read Chuck Klosterman will understand what I mean when I say that JT has gone from being my archenemy to being my nemesis in a mere 2 hours. Klosterman describes the difference: “You kind of like your nemesis, despite the fact that you despise him. You will always have drinks with your nemesis. However, you would never choose to have a cocktail with your archenemy, unless you were attempting to spike the gin with arsenic.⁵” Maybe JT can be erased from his throne atop Burger King fries and the word “mauve."

Let me get this straight. I don’t like Justin Timberlake. I don’t like his songs, I don’t like his image, and I don’t particularly like his audience. As much as I want to hate him, I guess I respect him… and I think I just wish I had written the McDonalds theme song.